DEAR MISS MANNERS: I raise guide dogs and I love it. We talk to the public and educate many on the kind of work the dogs do.

While I love talking to people about our precious puppies, I do not know how to respond when someone comes up in a high-pitched voice and says -- no, squeals -- "Oh my god, what a cute puppy. How old are you? What's your name!?"

While I realize the sight of a dog is quite rare, I mean, so few people ever get to see one, how should I respond?

I usually just say, "Oh, this is Fido and he is 10 months old," but I would really like to let them know that they are quite possibly the most irritating people on the face of the planet. Should I say something sarcastic like, "Oh, sorry I haven't taught him to speak English yet"? Any help would be appreciated.

GENTLE READER: Some crucial advice:

Do not have a baby. Do not ever even be seen with anyone else's baby. People talk baby talk to babies. No doubt this is because they have never seen one before.

Or possibly it is just that many people go all soft when they see a creature who is young and cute. Miss Manners considers that nature's way of protecting life before it is toilet-trained.

So please do not snarl at your puppies' admirers. In addition to being rude, it sets them a bad example.

If you get tired of answering for them, she will allow you to say (if you can keep the sarcasm out of your voice), "Fido! The lady asked you a question!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A man I had just met took me to a very nice restaurant in one of the finer hotels in town. In the middle of the meal, he (very loudly) blew his nose into the restaurant's lovely cloth napkin and then replaced it on his lap. Ten or fifteen minutes later, he did it again. I could scarcely maintain the small talk in which we were engaged. A couple of minutes after that, he actually started picking his nose at the dinner table while speaking to me.

Obviously, I am never going to accept another invitation from this "gentleman."

My question goes to the form of the refusal. Normally, if I had not enjoyed a first date enough to repeat it, I would decline politely, citing some vague prior commitment that left me unavailable.

Somehow, that seems like more consideration than this man deserves. I assume that you would not sanction a response of, "I can't go because I was too nauseated to eat for two days after our last outing."

Is there any way politely to refuse any further interaction while indicating to him that the fault lies in himself, and not in his stars? It might benefit him to consider his conduct.

GENTLE READER: Although Miss Manners lost her appetite just reading about this, an invitation to dinner, even one that the host makes it impossible for you to eat, does not include license to point out his faults.

Nor would it do any good. The parting shot is not a form for conveying constructive criticism. Had you been able to say that you were on the verge of succumbing to his charm, stopped only by a difference in ideas about hygienic table behavior, and regret that this stands in the way of further acquaintance, it might be different.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: A manager in my organization has invited me to join her as a "friend" on a social networking site, and someone with whom I've exchanged one or two work-related e-mails has invited me to a business networking site.

I do not wish to have an account on any social or business networking sites. While I have cordial business relationships with many people, the kind of work I do does not involve sales or competing for clients. Also, I prefer not to publicly list my job title, employer, hometown, college degrees, birthday, hobbies, favorite music and movies, recently read books, and names of my family, friends, business contacts and pets.

Was I correct in simply ignoring these invitations, or should I have written back via e-mail to say something like "I don't have an account there, but thank you for the invitation"? Or should I join these sites to be a good team player?

GENTLE READER: The vocabulary is a problem here. "I don't want to be your friend" is something only a petulant toddler would say. And yet, as you point out, the situation is hardly that personal.

Miss Manners is not one to suggest ignoring invitations, but this is more of a commercial solicitation. Even messages like that from people you know socially are so widely distributed as to resemble the sort of open invitations that teenagers post on trees when their parents are out of town.

In any case, you are by no means obliged to participate. The novelty of being able to register oneself with the entire world and to keep an open diary and share every passing thought has seduced many people who have then found to their regret that unselective exposure does not equal popularity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: May I give myself a surprise birthday party? My plan is to invite friends to what will seem to be an ordinary dinner party, and then, for desert, to bring out a candle-studded cake, and announce my birthday.

I expect that someone will then start a chorus of "Happy Birthday," and that as we all have coffee and cake, I can be the "Birthday Girl" and everyone can protest that they would have brought a gift or card if they had known. To which I will reply that I have what I wanted for my birthday: They came to my party. Practically, this is a way to truly enforce the "no gifts" that no one quite knows how to interpret, although I suppose that I might get belated birthday cards as thank you notes.

Can I play the same trick in succeeding years, hoping that those who recognize the date will just play along with me and let the surprise be on whoever happens to be new or to have forgotten?

GENTLE READER: That is exactly the trick that Miss Manners proposes in place of the awkwardness of instructing guests not to give presents, which presupposes that they were otherwise expected to do so. Not a nice assumption on the part of a host. And besides, they do anyway.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a 34-year-old male married graduate student in biology, working in an academic lab. My labmates consist of six single females, undergraduate and graduate students, between 21 and 25 years old.

As you can imagine, the conversation can become quite energetic, as such topics as boyfriends, cute guys and analyses of what one should wear perfume the air. I politely tolerate the mindless chatter even when it becomes inappropriate, which if it were spoken by males in the presence of females, would border on harassment.

My main problem is that they continually invite me to social events that I believe a married man shouldn't participate in, and my polite declines are countered with negativity. I am continually invited to go to dance clubs and bars on nights and weekends to celebrate everything and anything that happens in their lives.

I am an older student who spent some time in the workplace before starting college, and, as such, I see my lab as my workplace. Most of my labmates have never worked a job between high school and college and make no distinction between work time and play time.

I typically have lunch with them and interact freely to show that I'm not an isolationist, but I shouldn't be expected to party the night away, should I?

My calm and accommodating explanations are only met with demands to bring my wife along, but they don't understand that my wife and I don't typically engage in those activities.

I am often told that I look a lot younger than I am, which I am grateful for, but I really am older than my labmates in many ways. I think that I have demonstrated exceptional composure when facing these clamoring post-teens, but my patience is wearing thin.

So, what do I do when my polite rejections precipitate responses like, "Fine, I'm never asking you again"?

GENTLE READER: Well, that would solve the problem, if only they made good on the threat.

But Miss Manners suspects that they are having too much fun teasing you about not knowing how to have fun, which is defined solely as clubs and bars (and teasing you). Maturity might suggest your being amused at this, perhaps overplaying the age factor with humor.

If you are not up to that, she suggests that you offer a counter-invitation, in the form of a low-key supper party at home with you and your wife. They may still giggle at the quietness of your life, but are bound to notice, all the same, that domestic life can offer even deeper pleasures.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My roommate is in the midst of planning a wedding. He has several family members whom he has either not kept in contact with or for whom traveling for the ceremony won't be feasible. You recommend inviting these types of guests so as not to hurt their feelings; however, I've always thought that doing so gave the appearance of begging for gifts. I wonder, would it be an appropriate compromise to send invitations to them without including information regarding the registry?

GENTLE READER: Oh, so you think it is all right to beg for gifts from people who are likely to attend?

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