DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've found text messaging and e-mail are convenient, but problematic for a variety of reasons that never existed when we relied on "snail" mail, phone calls and face-to-face meetings.
My roommate accidentally sent a text message about me to me. I've done this myself, both through e-mails and text messaging, though not for gossip-related communication. It's an easy mistake to make -- you've got someone specific on your mind and you accidentally choose them from your list of contacts.
But what is the polite way to respond to her text message? My instincts are to ignore it and pretend that I never received it to save her embarrassment, but I don't want to discount the fact that she actually meant to "talk" about me behind my back in a negative manner without first approaching me.
GENTLE READER: You would spare your roommate embarrassment, Miss Manners agrees, if you ignored the text message. It is easy to imagine that if it did not reach its proper recipient, something technical went wrong, and it was safely lost.
But is that really what you want to do? Are you going to end up embarrassing yourself later by blurting out that you know what she said? Only to have her reply, "You weren't supposed to read that" as if you had snooped?
That would be a mistake in any case. If you want to deal with the content, the effective way to do so is to send her back the message now, commenting only, "I suppose you did not intend this for me."
Nothing more. Just let it hang there so she can think about it. Trust Miss Manners, that will rattle her more than if you upbraided her.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to bring a girlfriend to a funeral? My friend and I recently attended a memorial service for a mutual friend's father. My friend brought his girlfriend, whom he had been dating for about 18 months. She did not know the deceased, nor had she even met our mutual friend (the son of the deceased) prior to the service.
I have always been under the impression that only spouses (or fiancees) should accompany someone to a funeral. A girlfriend who was personally connected to the deceased would be, in effect, another mourner and therefore an exception.
My friend's girlfriend fit none of these categories, and I found it a little inconsiderate that he brought her to an already-crowded service. (The man was young and had many surviving friends, colleagues and family.) Please lend us your guidance.
GENTLE READER: You make it sound like a date. Were they whispering and holding hands? Asking where the bar was?
As far as Miss Manners knows, the only taste ban on attending funerals is lovers or enemies of the deceased whose presence would upset the family. The lady's being interested in someone who interested her beau, or wanting to be with him at an emotional time, is a legitimate reason for attending.
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