DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed a disturbing trend in airline travel: Passengers are increasingly bringing food on airplanes. This is understandable, given the inadequate amount of sustenance, if any, provided by the airlines. However, I do believe some manners and social customs should govern what kinds of food are appropriate for passengers to carry on an airplane.

To help, I would like to suggest a rule: Bringing odorous meals on an airplane is rude and socially unacceptable. Granola bars are benign, but french fries are offensive. Grapes are harmless, but pizza slices are impertinent. And so on.

Perhaps I am being a bit sensitive, as one friend has already suggested, but I leave it for you to make that determination. Before you do, I must add that this rule will not only free passengers and airline employees from feeling as if they are trapped in a flying pizza oven, but may also have the salutary effect of encouraging people to pursue a healthier lifestyle. But again, this is for you to decide and I now defer to your judgment.

GENTLE READER: The Law of the Air, as Miss Manners recognizes it, is "Try to stay out of my space and I'll try to stay out of yours."

You may notice that the wording is rather loose for an etiquette rule. This is because passenger space keeps getting smaller, and we may all soon be sitting in one another's laps instead of just leaning back on one another like fallen dominoes.

Thank you for pointing out that pungent food odors should be added to the list of things that should not be allowed to intrude on fellow passengers. These include noise, body parts and tales of woe. But Miss Manners must remind you that supervising other people's nutrition is also on that list.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Two friends of ours are expecting a baby to be born about a month before the date of our marriage. I want to make it clear that their child is welcome at our wedding, if they want to bring him/her.

I know the correct way to do this is to address the envelope to both parents and child, but since we don't know the gender or (obviously) the name of the expected baby, I ended up just writing "Mr. and Mrs. X and family," which seemed wrong. They did RSVP for all three of them, so obviously understood what I was trying to express; but is there a less impersonal way I could have addressed the envelope?

GENTLE READER: It is difficult to get personal with someone who has not yet made an appearance in this world. Miss Manners only hopes you did not succeed too well in your effort at being inclusive, and lead your friends to believe that the entire extended family was encouraged to show up.

It would have been gracious of you to wait until the baby was born, and then to add to your congratulatory letter "and we do hope you will bring little Zoe to the wedding."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a very lovely restaurant near our home, my husband and I ordered a bottle of champagne to enjoy with our meal. When the champagne was brought to the table to be opened, my husband smiled at me in anticipation, as we always love to hear the sound of a cork popping from a bottle of champagne -- one of the most celebratory sounds one can imagine, at least in our minds.

After watching the waitress uncork the bottle soundlessly, we joked that it must've been a "dud" and we were disappointed that it didn't pop, and explained our feelings about the joyfulness associated with the sound.

She smiled and agreed with us, but then told us that management of the restaurant was very specific in their instruction to the servers that champagne corks must exit the bottle utterly soundlessly, seemingly with the implication that the noise may disturb others.

While I realize that there may be some small extra emission of effervescence if one allows the cork to pop, it seems stoic to me that one would have to do so for reasons of etiquette. Could you clarify?

GENTLE READER: First please allow Miss Manners to ease the cork out of her eye from your last celebration.

Your waitress' theory notwithstanding, it is not the noise that is disturbing to others in the vicinity so much as a fast blow from a flying cork. And then there is the overflowing bottle, a look best saved for christening ships.

Your waitress opened the champagne bottle correctly, even if she didn't understand why. Popping the cork, however exciting you may find it, is considered a sign of ineptitude. Miss Manners suggests that you celebrate at home in the future, rather than among innocent strangers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am writing to suggest something quite practical and extraordinary with regard to seating on public transportation: If someone is unable to, or merely uncomfortable, standing, but the seats are all taken, perhaps that person could gently ask someone sitting, "Pardon me, but I am in need of a seat."

I find this a better alternative to fuming about the rudeness of others, or to standing when one doesn't feel able. I did this one time when I was under the weather and my polite request was met with alacrity. In fact, three people jumped up to help me, without even requiring me to show a positive pregnancy test or proof of age. (I was neither in the family way nor elderly; just in need.) Is this proper etiquette?

GENTLE READER: Yes, but Miss Manners doesn't know whether to be grateful or distraught about your suggestion.

Absolutely, it is proper to state a need gently and politely, rather than to fume or rail about other people's rudeness. Or, what is more usual, to think up ways to be rude back to those targeted as rude.

But is it really extraordinary? Miss Manners is afraid that it might be. Giving others the benefit of the doubt -- assuming that those sitting were not paying attention or had no way of knowing that you needed a seat -- is unfortunately rarely anyone's first reaction.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please address the protocol of providing toiletries for one's houseguests.

My budget does not permit me to provide a basket of luxury bath items, but I always supply my guest bathroom with a fresh bar of bath soap, an ample supply of my favorite brand of shampoo and conditioner, and other items upon the guest's request.

In the past, I have supplied travel-size shampoo and conditioner, but larger bottles are more economical. Prior to my most recent guest's arrival, I placed almost-full bottles, so I had no reason to believe she might run out of either product during her four-day stay.

After her departure, I was surprised to find the bottle of conditioner gone. I initially thought I must have misjudged the amount in it and that she must have used it all. However, the remaining bottle of matching shampoo was still rather full.

This leads me to believe that my guest either used abnormally large amounts of conditioner during her stay or that she took a mostly full bottle without asking me. In my opinion, either scenario would require communication to the hostess, either a casual mention that one had used the last of the conditioner or a request to take the bottle.

Coincidentally, all the toilet tissue from the guest bathroom was also gone following my guest's departure, including several extra rolls, which I had deemed sufficient supply for her stay, but I am trying not to speculate too much on that one. (My guest didn't notify me of a shortage, and I did not notice it until after her departure.)

Obviously, a missing bottle of conditioner isn't worth a confrontation, so I will probably never know if my guest swiped it. I don't want to think uncharitable thoughts of my guest without justification, however, and wonder if my thinking is in the wrong.

Selfishly, I should mention that I anticipate having to share a bathroom with this person on an upcoming trip, and wonder if I should bring an extra supply of bath products, or simply hide my toiletries when I'm not using them. I have no problem sharing with friends when they ask, by the way. Am I obligated to provide houseguests with take-home toiletries?

GENTLE READER: Couldn't your guest have accidentally spilled the bottle, been embarrassed to mention it, and used the toilet tissue to mop up?

But we weren't going to speculate on that. Anyway, Miss Manners would rather pontificate on the decline of civilization.

This can be seen in the fact that a significant enough number of people steal items from their hotel rooms that hotels find it expedient to provide cheaper items to slip into their luggage. This, in turn, led to the belief that stocking up on supplies (as opposed to using them on the spot, like the towels) is legitimate. It was bound to slip over into private life.

Miss Manners is gratified to find that the travel-sized bottles you used to supply were not acquired that way (or you would not have looked for something cheaper). You and she are probably the only people in the world who consider that these are to be used on the spot, not to restock one's own bathroom.

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