DEAR MISS MANNERS: When someone is introducing me to someone else, I keep my mouth shut, listen to the person doing the introducing and let them finish.

Invariably, the person to whom I am being introduced will interrupt the person doing the introducing by saying his/her name. Also invariably, when I am introducing someone, one or both parties will blurt out their name/s in the middle of my introduction.

I consider this not only rude, but it causes confusion with two or three people talking at the same time. Often times, I or another party will have to ask the other party to repeat their name because it was not clearly understood because of everyone talking at once when if they would have just kept quiet and paid attention, everyone would have understood everyone's name.

What is it with these people who feel like they absolutely MUST butt-in saying their own name before the person doing the introducing has a chance to say it?

GENTLE READER- You don't realize what an enormous favor these people are doing you, do you?

Trust Miss Manners: Some day you will.

Blanking out on names, even those of people one knows well, is a common problem that many people have all their lives or may acquire with age. Knowing this, and wishing to spare introducers embarrassment, is what makes your acquaintances blurt out their names.

When you are doing the introductions, you are welcome to show a very mild form of impatience -- a weary smile at the speaker that telegraphs "Yes, of course I know." However, you should be aware that this is exactly what is done by people who had no idea what the name was, and which their kind friends are cooperating in setting them up to do.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My hair is so beautiful, I can hardly stand it! I get compliments like, "Your hair looks so pretty!" and I respond with a polite, "Thank you."

The truth is, my hair is sparse and thinning because of my medications. The beautiful hair is a stylish wig.

I'm OK with the first compliment. But sometimes questions follow -- "Is it naturally curly?" "What salon do you go to?" "Who does your hair?"

GENTLE READER: The problem here is not that you are wearing a wig. The problem is that people don't know that a compliment should not be the prelude to demands about how the admired effect was achieved.

There don't seem to be any free niceties any longer, Miss Manners observes. They are all followed by "Where'd you buy it?" "How much did it cost?" or that zinger, "Is it real?"

Answering any of those questions only brings on more. You would be getting a critique of your medical history in no time.

So if you can't get in a quick change of subject after giving your thanks for the compliment, Miss Manners advises you to throw in an off-hand remark that can pass for modesty -- "Oh, I don't do anything special with it," or "It's always been like that" -- followed quickly by "Did you have any trouble with the traffic in getting here? It seems to me it's getting more congested every day."

:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Christmas cards ... why bother?

I am getting more and more disenchanted, as they seem to have lost their meaning. I am tempted to boycott, but it would defeat the point I'm making.

I am a faithful card writer with family updates and pictures every year. I hand-write my envelopes, sign my name and always include a personal message. Why then, does it seem this is only important to ME?

My friends and family are all reduced to a preprinted photo in an envelope ... no signature, no greeting, no heartfelt hello. Many times, even my address is on a sticky label. There is no personal touch anymore.

I am a person who values keeping in touch with friends. Christmas cards are often the only time to catch up with some of them. I look forward to holiday mail, like everyone else, and have been repeatedly disappointed in everyone's lack of spirit and genuine good cheer.

Yippee, another picture without a note.

While I appreciate the photos, I have no idea how people are doing or feeling, where they've traveled or what they've done. No life updates. I feel like just "number 23" on their card list. People just don't care anymore and I don't get it. It feels like I'm not worth their time.

Are we outdated? Reduced to e-mail and text messages, and no sincere greetings anymore? How do I tactfully tell everyone to get with the program, make the time and send me a message that I'll be excited to read?

GENTLE READER - Outdated? To expect a few personal words from friends in an era where people spill all their thoughts and secrets on blogs open to strangers and e-mail all their photographs to every address they can get their hands on?

Miss Manners is afraid so. They probably have nothing left to tell.

And she doubts that they will profit from your example. By the time they're up to 23 on the list, they're exhausted from all that effort of stuffing envelopes, and they have a long list left of people who will echo your "Yipee" on receiving their meaningless mailings.

So she suggests beating the crowd -- or lagging behind it. If you get out a letter full of questions before they get to their joyless chore, some might think to jot down answers in their cards. Or if you respond later to Christmas cards, asking for news about the people in those pictures, you might get some answers. By text mail, perhaps.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had the honor of being my friend's maid

of honor in her wedding a few weeks ago and took the role very seriously. As her "something borrowed," I offered her a bracelet my husband had bought for me -- my favorite piece.

Is it appropriate for me to ask for it back, or is it considered a part of her trousseau now?

GENTLE READER: Of course, you should ask for it back. Miss Manners assures you that it would be a favor to your friend for two reasons. First, the bride has probably merely forgotten, in the confusion of the festivities, to return it, and would be grateful to be reminded. Second, if you let her keep it, you will have deprived her, retroactively, of the lovely tradition of having worn "something borrowed." It would have become something purloined.

:

DEAR MISS MANNERS: You implied that it's inappropriate to greet someone one has just met with, "Nice to meet you." In my case, I have usually greeted new acquaintances with "It's nice to meet you" (perhaps even adding "I've been looking forward to meeting you" when truthful).

Is it simply the absence of the "It's" in the beginning of "Nice to meet you" which makes the statement inappropriate? I suspect I may not be the only person wondering whether there's something wrong with saying "It's nice to meet you," when meeting someone for the first time.

GENTLE READER: Wrong is much too harsh a word for a nuance of etiquette in regard to a kindly meant remark, and quibbling about an incomplete spoken sentence would be ridiculous, as well as rude. Far be it from Miss Manners to inhibit pleasantries. Furthermore, as you quite rightly note, declarations of pleasure in finally meeting someone one has particularly wanted to meet are ingratiating.

The only reason that pedants such as Miss Manners eschew declaring their pleasure upon meeting someone unknown for the first time is to be able to declare their pleasure upon parting. A neutral "How do you do?" at the beginning of the encounter makes it possible to say a more flattering, "It is so nice to have met you" at its conclusion. The "it is" is optional.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I used to work retail. Is the customer always right? ?One store would always allow returns, for instance, even of plants the ?customer had killed by not watering them.

But some customers ask -- no, don't ask, insist on -- the most amazing ?things. There was one woman who wanted us ?to dig up the plants we had in our display garden to sell to her, ?because the ones we had for sale were smaller!

Needless to say, the ?type of customer who comes up with this kind of thing is not at all ?polite if a hapless salesclerk tries to refuse. (Perhaps I shouldn't ?get political here, but they always seem to be very well off. They seem ?to disrespect salesclerks because we are poor, or powerless, or ?something. Not, in my case, either young or less educated.)

Anyway, I tried to think of a Miss Manners-ish response that I could ?use in one of these situations. The one I thought of, but didn't get a ?reason to try out, was to say, very innocently, "I'm totally shocked ?that you could even think of asking such a thing!"

So, before the next time I am in such a position, I thought I'd ask ?your opinion of that one, and for an alternate response to the ?occasional totally insane demand by a customer.

GENTLE READER: As you have noticed, the customer is not always right. Why anyone who believed that bromide would go into the retail business, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

Nor is the customer always polite. But the salesclerk should be -- always. And Miss Manners always is, which is why she never indulges in the sort of chastising put-down that you have ascribed to her.

The polite way to shut such a customer up is to appear to take that person's side while in the very act of denying his or her demand. "I wish I could oblige you, madam...," "If it were up to me, sir..." and so on.

No, it doesn't always work. But it at least heads off the additional complaint, which determinedly rude people love to make, that the clerk has been rude to them.

: