DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a math Ph.D. and a female one at that. In my youth I was blissfully spared most of the tasteless cracks about women not being able to do math, or mathematicians not being able to be women that were current in pre-women's lib days.

Now, however, I am facing the obverse of those remarks. I am back in school in an unrelated field. Occasionally the professor will write a simple algebraic equation on the board. The students know high school algebra well, or they wouldn't be at this university. Nevertheless, without fail, a hand goes in the air and the plaintive oh so "feminine" voice wails, "Can't you just put in the numbers?" or "We won't have to do this on the test, will we?"

I know that these plaintive little mieus are followed up with earnest visits to the professor, bad marks on the professor's teaching evaluations, or sometimes even trips en masse to the dean. One of my friends took a real statistics course for which she had not had the prerequisites and found the statistics professor expecting them to know the theory behind the statistical methods they were learning. She flounced off to the dean, all teary eyed, to complain.

The net effect of all these "feminine" wiles is to dumb down my education and my kids' education!

What can I do to respond to this thoughtlessness? Writing a letter to the dean defending the stats prof was a good idea which I followed. Turning around and issuing a sarcastic remark to the offending student would be bad.

Seeing them after class and ruthlessly attacking their laziness and cowardice is also not a good idea. Offering to review high school algebra with them would be good, even if it would be a drag on my time. Praising the teacher for doing things in a way which is far more useful than doing an insipid little song and dance routine with numbers instead of equations might be good. What are your thoughts on the matter?

GENTLE READER: That you suffered more than you think from the bad old days. You acquired the belief that females are always judged as a group, and that therefore the poor performance of some is a reflection on you.

There is no need for you to do anything at all about other students' shortcomings. That is the professor's job. If you wish to tutor them out of the kindness of your heart, Miss Manners certainly does not want to discourage you. But your urge to attack them does not sound as if you are interested in their education.

Your education is only affected if there are so many students whining and asking silly questions that the class is not worth your taking. Since you praise the professor, this does not seem to be the case. And anyway, good luck in finding a course where there are no whiners or poor students.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am expecting what will be the sixth, and probably last, grandchild in my family; the first five are all boys. My mother has commented frequently, although not insisted, that it is inconsiderate not to find out the sex of the baby before it is born. Is it?

GENTLE READER: Inconsiderate to whom? If you promise to use a kind and humorous tone, Miss Manners will allow you to say, "I wouldn't dream of violating my child's privacy. (Pause) Yet."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: In restaurants, when we order iced tea or water, the beverage glass often comes with a lemon slice stuck on the top of the glass. I always remove the lemon slice and put it in my drink. My husband often leaves the lemon slice on top of the glass while he drinks from the glass. I think this is gauche. What is your opinion?

GENTLE READER: That your husband often has a wet nose. But also that it is probably fragrant.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am of the opinion that if one family member wishes to have a conversation with another who is not in sight, it is permissible to call his/her name to locate them in the house. Once the call-ee answers, I say that it is then the call-er's responsibility to go to where the call-ee is located, since shouting back and forth isn't polite to others in the house. But this often ends up happening with me. I have politely mentioned to several family members (those who initiate shout-outs) that I would prefer they locate me so we can talk at a more civil volume, but this has earned me many eye rolls or even led to being called "anal," one of my least-favorite words, especially when used incorrectly and applied to me.

I'm not trying to be haughty, but I think that expecting someone to stop an activity and come to you when you are the call-er isn't a polite way to begin a conversation -- it's more of a summons.

When I wish to locate a family member, I have no difficulty going to them, and frankly don't understand why other members of my family do not share this view. I have thought about simply refusing to answer the initial locator shout, but that may be too blunt a way to make my point.

Is there a polite way to resolve this, or am I getting bent out of shape over a trifle?

GENTLE READER: Doesn't Miss Manners hear your mother calling you? Shouldn't you run and see what she wants?

Yes, you really should. If it is your child calling, he should go to you. This is a matter in which rank counts. The elder generation gets to call the younger generation

Your system is right if it is your sibling or your spouse or your roommate who is calling you. But it isn't working, and Miss Manners doesn't want you to get bent out of shape. She advises you to enlist their help in getting an intercom system.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have just started high school, and have made many new friends, and some of those friends' parents are divorced. I have met some of those parents, and am utterly confused as to what is the correct way to ask how they should be addressed. I am unsure whether to ask the friend how to address them, or the parent, and I hate to be rude. Would you please help me solve my problem of what to do?

GENTLE READER: The worst part is that neither will give you a straight answer. If you ask a friend what his parent is called, he will probably say, "I don't know -- Mom;" and if you ask a grown-up directly, you will likely be told, "Oh, call me Chris."

Miss Manners recommends asking the friend, "What is your mother's last name?" and adding the neutral "Ms." to that unless directed otherwise by the lady herself.

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