DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response (if any) upon meeting a stranger with a prosthetic limb?

I was recently in a pizza restaurant with a friend, and while ordering, we noticed that the young lady at the cash register had a realistic but still noticeably false right arm. My friend wanted to ask her how she had lost her arm, pointing out that it was "a natural impulse" and "nothing to be ashamed of."

I, however, advised him not to mention it. I told him it was impolite to discuss such things with strangers and, at any rate, I couldn't imagine the young woman would like to have that same discussion with everyone to whom she sells a pizza. Was my friend out of line to want to ask, or am I just a prude?

GENTLE READER: That rudeness is natural, Miss Manners agrees. But surely you can think of some natural acts that are not socially acceptable.

Freely acting on an impulse without considering the unpleasant effect it would have on others is indeed something to be ashamed of. The cashier is not there to satisfy the customers' curiosity. The proper response upon meeting her would be, "How much do we owe?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should someone do when their apology is not accepted?

I was in the grocery store and left my cart to grab an item I had passed earlier in the aisle. I only meant to be away from my cart a second, but I couldn't locate the exact brand. When I found what I needed I looked up to see another shopper having to move my cart. As I jogged back to my cart, I told her, "Sorry about that. I should have pulled my cart over more to the side than I did."

Her response was an angry, "Well, I couldn't get through."

A friend of mine mentioned a similar incident when she had both of her children, who were just potty-trained, in a public restroom. A woman kept banging on the door and my friend kept having to say that the restroom was occupied.

When she opened the door, she apologized for the delay, pointing out that she needed extra time tending to her small children. The woman just yelled at her for taking so long.

I am not looking for a sharp comeback; I am just wondering if I am obligated to try to apologize again or say anything else when my first apology was clearly not accepted.

GENTLE READER: "Anything else?" Miss Manners hopes you are not asking whether a rude response to politeness entitles the polite person to turn equally rude.

What you can do is to apologize again, but this time with an edge in your voice: "I'm so very, very sorry." Then walk away just in case the response is, "Well, you ought to be."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to eat rambutan?

GENTLE READER: With the attitude that beauty is not important, and it is what is inside that counts.

You will need this even to approach this scary-looking fruit that appears to be covered with fleshy crimson or yellow hair.

But you may take courage from the fact that you will be armed with a knife. It should be used to cut the rambutan as far as, but not through, the seed, and skin it, eating the flesh by hand, being careful not to ingest any papery skin from the seed that should remain attached.

There are those who advise leaving the skin on the plate as decoration. Miss Manners is not among them.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our center that deals with loss has a case of a mother who had previously lost her twins to a congenital condition, and now has lost her healthy subsequent daughter to a sudden illness six and a half weeks after birth. She has asked whether to return unused gifts for the baby, and whether to thank people who sent gifts whom she had not thanked yet.

I gave her my opinion (basically, to ask a friend or relative to put them away until after the memorial if it is too difficult for her to have them around, and then for the friend or relative speak individually to each of the givers -- also that she is within her rights not to do anything at all if it is too difficult), but would appreciate yours.

GENTLE READER: That a bereaved person should have the "right," as you put it, to ignore the kindnesses of others is compassionate but dangerous advice, Miss Manners is sorry to have to say. You are running the risk of letting her alienate her personal -- as opposed to emergency-professional -- support group of family and friends.

Miss Manners can hear you replying indignantly that no decent person would fault someone in the middle of tragedy for neglecting a social duty. No, indeed; that is not the danger.

The danger is that well-meaning people, naturally feeling helpless in this situation, will conclude that the lady wants to be left alone. And while that may be true for the moment, isolation will eventually become an added burden. When they do see her, they will be reluctant to mention her loss for fear of "reminding her of it," as if it were possible that she could forget. And that, too, will be hurtful.

Your advice about enlisting a friend's help is exactly right. The friend can not only return the items and thank the donors, but also let them know when the bereaved lady might be ready to receive visits.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work as a cashier at a large retail establishment. Frequently, customers complain to me about the prices, which are set at the corporate level.

How can I politely respond? If they ask for a discount I can refer them to a manager, but what if they don't? (Most of the time they just say, "Wow, that's really expensive," and glare at me while rummaging for their wallets.)

Obviously, I can't change the prices, and I don't feel that commiserating is appropriate. I have tried smiling vaguely and keeping quiet, but this has been interpreted as "attitude." I really want to give good service, but some things are beyond my control.

GENTLE READER: Of course you don't control the prices; the customers know that. They are not addressing you as an individual, but as a representative of the business that employs you. And that is what you should be while you are on duty.

Miss Manners would imagine that you would be stating company policy if you said, "I hope you'll find that it's worth it." If your personal opinion is otherwise, you have disguised that by the wording. And considering that you are the cashier, people who approach you will already have come to that conclusion themselves.

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