DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate response to impertinent comments from strangers regarding one's appearance, such as "You look tired" or "Why the long face"?

GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners believes that impertinent strangers should be ignored, she doesn't understand why people keep asking her what to say to them.

Still less does she understand why she keeps thinking of things. In these cases, it would be, "Yes, it's very tiring to hear that," and "Because I don't happen to have a short face."

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I do psychic and tarot readings for the public. I consider myself a professional whose duty it is to assist others, rather like a psychologist.

Many times I find myself placed in intolerable situations. I am torn between honesty and kindness. I oftentimes discover that something terrible will be coming into people's lives, such as death, betrayal, loss or divorce.

My customers deserve the very best and I wish I could be totally honest. Is there anything in your vast knowledge and experience that covers the proper etiquette for a psychic reading?

GENTLE READER: Much as she appreciates your desire to count your work among the healing professions, Miss Manners is afraid that you will reject their method for softening bad news. It would probably ruin your business.

A compassionate doctor giving a bad prognosis will emphasize the impossibility of predicting anything with certainty, recommend getting other opinions and then turn to providing what practical assistance he or she can offer. The best way to mitigate the effect of your predictions would be for you to follow that example by stressing the uncertainty of life's outcomes and your own fallibility.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a bit of a mix when it comes to body types; my entire adult life I have had difficulty finding clothes that fit me properly. So when I find a new store that has pants that don't puddle on the floor or a blouse that doesn't gape open when reaching for the stapler, I rejoice.

However, I have a co-worker who also likes to shop at the same store and has recently become quite abrasive when I show up in something new. Although we have dissimilar tastes, she is positive that we will one day show up to work in the same outfit and the become the laughing stock of the entire office.

I understand even if I don't support her fear, but she has "barred" me from three stores in the past. To top that off she has told me I am forbidden from wearing my hair a certain way because she "always" wears her hair in that style.

I have yet to find a polite way to tell her to stop being paranoid or that I don't lie awake at night devising ways a twin-set sweater can be used to sabotage her career.

I have worked with this woman for several years and over said time we have developed a wonderful working relationship. I would hate to have this turn into an office drama, but I want to be able to get dressed in the morning without fear of reprisal. I'm at a loss and so I turn to you for help; how can I tell her to stop?

GENTLE READER: If you will tell Miss Manners how you allowed things to get this far. Did you actually agree to curb your shopping and your grooming to placate this lady? Have you bought into the ludicrous idea that your turning up wearing the same mass-produced item of clothing would be a rich source of entertainment for your co-workers?

What you should have said is that such things are personal and not open for discussion. It is high time to say this and to demonstrate that you mean it by refusing to argue about it.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: For months, I had been trying to obtain a particular rare plant. The only place that has it, though rarely, is a local nursery. After calling, I was told they had one in, but that it was being held for someone. They said they would call her and see if she still wanted it.

About a half-hour later, I called back and asked, "Do you have that plant?" The clerk said, "My goodness, you called back quickly. You can come pick it up." I drove right over.

While still at the nursery, it dawned on me that the clerk thought I might be the other woman who had placed a hold on the plant. While I usually pay with credit, I quickly paid in cash and drove home with my new, rare plant.

When I shared my happiness and this clever story with my co-workers, I received a chilly response. For an entire day, they were curt with me and never once congratulated me or said they were happy for me. How can I politely tell my jealous co-workers that their rudeness hurt my feelings?

GENTLE READER: That wasn't rudeness. On the contrary, coldness is the politest and most restrained way of indicating moral repulsion.

Miss Manners, who feels a chill herself, will confine herself to the manners aspect of this situation. It is that if you are going to cheat people, at least refrain from bragging about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother-in-law and sister-in-law are planning a two-week visit, timing it for right after the birth of my twins. I also have two older children, ages 4 and 6.

My mother-in-law tells me that she needs all her food to be salt-free and low-fat, and she wants "plenty of fresh fruits and vegetables." My sister-in-law says she is a vegetarian, and that she only eats low-fat. Our family eats all food groups, and doesn't try to eat low-fat or low-salt. All the meals I make, and all the foods in our refrigerator and cabinets, and all my cookbooks and recipes, reflect this.

I follow Miss Manners' guidelines in all things, even when it means doing what I don't want to do. Obviously I don't want to cook vegetarian, salt-free and low-fat when I've never done it before, especially with newborn twins, especially for two full weeks. If this were one big family meal it wouldn't be an issue: I know that I could put out extra bowls of vegetables and extra baskets of bread, and leave out the salt and let people season their own. But I can't see feeding my sister-in-law nothing but corn and peas for two weeks -- she'll need vegetarian proteins, won't she?

GENTLE READER: And you will need rest, won't you? Did you think that Miss Manners would ignore that and insist upon rigidly applying rules of hospitality designed for ordinary visits?

You did not plan this visit, and it would not be rude of you to say that you cannot handle their staying with you at this time, suggesting another time or that they find accommodations nearby. Better yet, you could welcome them with the hearty exclamation, "I'm so glad you're coming! I can use all the help I can get! If you'll take care of the cooking, we'll get the supplies ahead of time if you give us a list."

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