DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were walking down the street when a man and his friend in a truck drive by and started whistling at me, leering and catcalling. I looked at my husband and he said nothing and ignored it. And I was furious.

I am an attractive woman and have only been married about a year and a half. I have always been subject to unwanted sexual advances and catcalls. I had thought that by being married and in the presence of my husband that I would be somewhat protected, but that appears not to be the case.

Most men would take offense that other men were referring to their spouses in such a demeaning manner and at LEAST say something. I know that I take offense at being referred to in such a demeaning manner.

Should I have been angry at my husband for not sticking up for me? Was he right to ignore them so as not to start a fight? Should I feel hurt that he felt that his (maybe our, but I'm not so sure) safety was more important than my virtue?

GENTLE READER: Let us hope that your virtue was not in question. Only you can lose it, for example by chasing after truck drivers, in which case nothing your husband could do would help.

Had these people confronted you directly, you would be right to expect your husband to protect you -- although whether he chose to do so by taking on a fight where he was outnumbered two to one, or by removing you from danger, would be a matter of judgment.

But as Miss Manners keeps trying to tell the road-rage crowd, drive-by insults must be ignored, as they cannot be safely redressed. As it happens, that is also the correct way for both ladies and gentlemen to deal with catcalls and other street insults.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My toddler son is cute. Incredibly cute. The kind of cute that makes people point him out to friends in crowded stores, that makes people follow us around asking, "What movie have I seen him in?" and that makes total strangers give him their snack foods.

The problem is when parents of other children come up to me and tell me how cute he is. For me to simply say "thank you" always seems to me to imply, "I have nothing nice to say about your child in return."

But the fact is, across a crowded bus, you notice that a child is cute. But you can't notice that a child is artistic, musical, well-spoken or talented in a myriad other ways. What is the proper response to such a compliment?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you. Your child is adorable."

But wait! Yours is so much more so! Wouldn't returning the compliment be a lie, and wouldn't the other parent know you were lying?

Not at all, Miss Manners assures you. Children are basically adorable by definition, which is why society is expected to put up with so many uneducated and unproductive people. And all parents believe their own to be incredibly cute, which is why they put up with them.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently received a promise ring from my boyfriend, and it has come up that we are not sure which hand I am supposed to wear it on. He has heard the right hand, so as to keep the official ring finger free until the appropriate time. I have heard it should be worn on the left, so as to hold a place for the future engagement ring. Which hand, historically, is correct?

GENTLE READER: Historically, to be "promised" was another way of describing being engaged. Romantic limbo did not exist, certainly not with a symbol saying "this finger reserved for a future engagement."

So Miss Manners supposes your question depends on what the gentleman promised to do. If he promised to marry you, it would be suitable to wear his ring on your left hand, even if it will be upgraded when he is ready to fulfill the promise. If the question is still open, you might want to keep the spot open as well.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the appropriate course of action to take when one has a scheduled appointment and the person providing the scheduled service is very late?

I always schedule the first doctor or dentist appointment of the morning so that I can minimize the amount of time away from the office. I always arrive on time, but usually the doctor or dentist arrives 45 minutes to one hour after I arrive. If I am the first patient of the day, the lateness cannot be a result of the doctor or dentist being held up with other patients.

I am a professional with a heavy billable hour requirement, so every minute spent out of the office really counts. I fear that it is inappropriate to comment on the lateness.

Is there any polite way to address this issue? Is the response different if the late service-provider is a hairdresser?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to your dentist and doctor, whose services are less crucial to your well-being?

All people who make appointments are supposed to keep them, regardless of how society or they themselves rank their importance. And that includes clients and patients, whether or not they are billable. If emergencies and other contingencies delay either party to the appointment, that person should apologize as well as explain, and do whatever he or she can to minimize the inconvenience.

In the real world, as Miss Manners is perfectly well aware, everyone from statesmen to delivery service people takes advantage of others' needs to keep them dangling. Most of their victims either swallow the rudeness or retaliate by taking their business elsewhere.

However, there is a third route to try. That is to explain your situation to the doctor or dentist and to whoever keeps track of that person's appointments and ask to be given realistic times and to be alerted when there are delays. If you ask reasonably, and leave out the speech about the value of your own time, you may get some cooperation. If not, Miss Manners is afraid that you must choose between the other two alternatives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a newspaper carrier and I've been finishing up my thank you notes for the tips I received for the holidays. The problem is that I'm not sure if I should give a note to those who did not give a special tip for the holiday but instead give a dollar or two every billing cycle. I'm very thankful for these small tips, but I'm afraid that giving a thank you note would somehow make them feel ungenerous. Should I specify that I'm thankful for their generosity over the months or not send a note at all?

GENTLE READER: If there is a distinction between steady generosity and sporadic generosity, Miss Manners would think that the steady kind more valuable, or at least not less so. Of course you should write your appreciation for those tips given over the year. This would only make them feel "ungenerous" if you seemed to be hinting that more was due, which would be ill advised as well as rude.

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