DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a front-desk clerk at a small hotel which, luckily, in these difficult economic times, has a full roster of frequent guests.

If I had a nickel for every time one of them made a comment on the order of, "So, are you included in the price of the room?" I would have a boatload of nickels. I can handle the ones who are joking, but it's the ones who brag about their lovely wife and beautiful children and then start leering at me who make me want to tell them where to go, which a Gentle Reader should not do. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: You may be surprised to hear (from Miss Manners, at any rate) that this is a rare situation in which you can tell such people where to go. The polite way would be to say stiffly, "You might want to look elsewhere, sir. This is a respectable hotel, not the kind of accommodation you are seeking."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at a loss. I have tried to teach my son to respect and give courtesy to his teachers. Unfortunately, he has repeatedly refused to do the work assigned to him.

He has the ability to make his teachers feel that they are just asking way too much of him, and that he's the sweetest kid in the world and would never not do the work on purpose. That is, until they insist that he do the work or hand it in.

How do you respectfully get the point across that schoolwork is important? I promise that he is capable of doing the work. I was his sole teacher before he went to school and I still teach him when and where I can.

When his teachers finally get around to telling me that he's been misbehaving, he's about 3 to 4 weeks behind in school. They always report to me that the work he does turn in is A or B work, and when they allow for the work to be made up I can get him caught up over a one-week period.

GENTLE READER: Apparently, the people who need to learn that schoolwork is important are your son's teachers. Miss Manners is appalled that they are teaching him, instead, that wheedling can replace working. As long as this technique is successful, he has no incentive to learn anything else.

This is such an enormous disservice to your son that you are going to have to battle it through the school system. If the teachers refuse to listen to you, you should take it to their superiors, continuing until someone understands.

What is particularly sad here is that the situation nowadays is so often the reverse -- teachers who are trying to do their jobs, and parents who only want to make their children's immediate lives easier with no thought for the future. That is what teachers mean when they complain that they are not shown respect -- the very thing you are insisting your son display. Only instead of a parent undercutting the teacher's authority, this is a case of teachers undercutting the parent at the expense of the child.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: How does a lady get into and out of a minivan (the backseat), a truck, an SUV or any other such vehicle? It seems that with these newer and higher vehicles it is increasingly harder to gracefully get in and out of them.

GENTLE READER: As Miss Manners recalls, carriages were just as high, but had little folding steps that were let down to enable a lady to alight gracefully, using the arm of a footman or the hand of a gentleman as a banister. Should she trip, she would at least be assured of landing on something -- or rather, someone -- more forgiving than the ground.

Nowadays, such helpers are increasingly hard to find, and the lady is apt to be on her own. It is even rare to find a footstool in such a vehicle, when they ought to be standard equipment. So much for what should be.

To disembark, a lady who is seated by a door should open it and rotate so that her legs face it, then lower herself slowly to the ground, using the seat to steady herself. If, however, she has to do a sort of crouching walk to get to the door, she has a choice of taking a little leap to the ground, which may be dangerous, or lowering one leg first, which is unseemly. Miss Manners cannot advise others to make the choice she would make.

Getting in is safer, but even more awkward looking. She suggests saying to anyone standing behind, "Oh, look at the clouds, do you think it is going to rain?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My father suddenly and unexpectedly died one evening, though he was not of ill health in the least. Though the family came together to handle this crisis, it prompted questions concerning the proper etiquette under such circumstances.

For instance, my 80ish-year-old mother insisted on making all telephone calls herself, to inform relatives and close friends. Was she just being stoic, or is it proper to put oneself through repeat performances of such an emotionally draining experience only hours after it happened?

The children offered to help; however, my mother insisted that it was customary for her to make such calls. Would it be proper to expect a few key relatives and friends to be informed and to ask them to carry out the task of informing others?

GENTLE READER: Custom does not require the widow to make these calls; in fact, doing so is one of the tasks that intimates who want to be of use customarily offer to perform.

However, Miss Manners would gently like to make you aware of another custom. That is not to prevent a suddenly bereaved widow from doing what she clearly feels she has to do. It is not improper for her to make these calls, and whatever her rationale, she is the best judge of what she can handle. You children can help her best by being available for whatever she needs, which may even include taking over the job of informing people if she finds she doesn't want to continue it.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is the correct form of address for a female U.S. President "Ms. President" or "Madame President"?

GENTLE READER: Neither. It is Madam President. Miss Manners hopes this will be useful to you, and, sooner rather than later, to the nation.

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