Nice guys are said to be back in romantic favor. These are the gentlemen who are unfailingly polite and dependable, and who grow even more useful and sympathetic when things go terribly wrong. Miss Manners trusts that it is not hard to figure out what national event brought them out of ignominy.
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So, a happy Valentine's Day to all who are always told what dear, good friends they are. They have the testimony of numerous attractive ladies who turned to them for comfort when they were badly treated by the cads they adore, and needed a brotherly shoulder on which to cry before returning to the romantic fray.
Miss Manners happens to admire these gentlemen, who take care to follow her strictures about proper behavior. They listen as well as talk, and take into consideration other people's needs and preferences, along with their own. They honor their word, even if it drives them to the extreme of having to show up for an appointment they themselves contracted or accepted. They give thanks when it is due, and have been known to produce something nice, such as flowers or candy, when it is not required. They even know how to dress, eat, speak and perform other ordinary human functions.
In theory, they are much beloved for all these good qualities. It is only when they try to have an actual romance that they run into trouble. So do the objects of their affections, but in that case, the trouble comes when the ladies in question try to explain to their hopeful parents why they are not interested.
Like those poor parents, Miss Manners has never understood what was so unappealing about gentlemen's roses and reliability, and so appealing about the shenanigans and sloppiness of their rude rivals. Or rather, she understands, but does not share, these tastes. Therefore, she feels obliged to warn those nice gentlemen not to get their hopes up.
It takes more than a national tragedy to make maturity seem exciting for long. It takes maturity.
The jump-start kind that comes with unusual fear doesn't last. If the world calms down, Miss Manners can't see its pubescent girls giggling to one another, "I can't help myself -- he's just so sensible! When he gets all responsible like that, I could die!"
It's not the era that is important, but the stage of life reached by the individual. Through their teen-age-hood, most people are testing their desirability by aiming high, which they define as being someone who can afford to treat them badly. A few seem to be born with the maturity to realize what a dumb standard this is, some wise up after years of disillusionment, and some never do, but the average person should catch on in early adulthood.
So what the nice gentlemen need to look for in a romantic partner is the fine qualities they themselves possess. But then, maybe they would find that comforting but dull, and can only find excitement in being scorned.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the time frame in which a house-warming party can be given? I read somewhere that a house-warming party should be given within a year after purchasing the house, but that after a year a house-warming party would not be appropriate because the house would no longer be considered new. I know that most warranties for new homes are for a year, but would this translate into the appropriate period for a house warming party?
GENTLE READER: The warranty has nothing to do with it, Miss Manners is afraid. And the house doesn't even have to be new.
The test is whether it is newly enough in the possession of the present owners that their friends can still have a wonderful time wandering around saying, "I wonder if they know that that's dry rot?" and "That must be the undercoat -- no one would choose that as the final color." If they have already had the opportunity to do that, then there is no point in giving the party.
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