DEAR MISS MANNERS: We recently got married (second marriage for both) in a big, catered Saturday evening affair. We wrote on the invitation that, in lieu of gifts, we'd be honored by a contribution to our favorite charity or one of our guests' own choice.
About 60 percent of our guests have given contributions made in our honor, and a few gave us traditional gifts. To my surprise, many of my husband's very charitably minded, well-to-do friends who attended have not responded to our request at all.
I am at best perplexed and admittedly hurt. Should I take it personally that his friends have let us down? Would it be appropriate to send them thank yous for attending our wedding, which might serve as a gentle reminder that they have a social obligation that remains unmet?
GENTLE READER: Oh, just do the traditional bridal thing. Threaten to break their knees if they don't fork over the money. Miss Manners only hopes that you do not have the mistaken notion that you are an angel of charity for demanding that other people give away their money as a tribute to you.