Dear Helaine: I am one of four cousins who co-own a summer house built by our grandparents, who left it to us in equal shares. For many years, it worked out well. There were weeks we all spent together and weeks that each cousin had to him- or herself. It was all pretty informal, but there are enough bedrooms that it always worked out. We paid the taxes and other expenses equally.

A few years ago, one of the cousins moved out of the region and, with one thing or another, hasn't been back to the house. Her son, however, has pretty much moved in, staying for the entire summer. There was no discussion about it. She said he was coming in the spring, and then he showed up and, with the exception of a few days here or there, hasn't left.

He's not a bad person. But he's 25, messy, and not someone I want to see every single minute of my summer vacation. And it doesn't seem fair that our cousin is paying only one-quarter of the expenses for a house her son is using 100% of the time. What I really want, though, is not for my cousin to pay more, but for her son to stop monopolizing the house. How do we dislodge him? -- Not Running a Boardinghouse

Dear Not Running a Boardinghouse: I'm going to flip this letter on its head. You and your cousins are extraordinarily lucky. Not only did you inherit a lovely summer house, you managed to split and use it in a way you all considered fair and equitable for a number of years without any formal agreement. I can't tell you how rare an event this is.

So I want to congratulate all of you on your achievement. But, as you are discovering, not all good things last forever. I recommend you pick up a copy of a book called "Saving the Family Cottage" by Stuart Hollander, Rose Hollander and David Fry, which talks about the legal and emotional issues involved in successful long-term ownership of a jointly owned family home.

The authors recommend putting the home in an LLC, a limited liability corporation, with family members each granted shares in the company. When you do that, you will formalize -- as part of the rules of the company -- financial responsibilities, procedures that will be followed should one of the cousins ever want to sell their shares and, of course, usage rules for the home going forward, including how many weeks each shareowner can use the property, and the division of chores and expenses.

But how do you bring that up without engendering bad feelings and starting a family feud? I'd suggest writing an email to the cousins who are joint owners of the home, pointing out that all of you are getting older and your lives are getting busier, while at the same time the number of people who want to use the property is growing, now that the next generation of kids are becoming adults -- something that might well exceed the house's capacity in the future. It's time, you could say, to think about the future while you can do so calmly and at leisure.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: My husband and I split expenses 65/35 because he came in to the relationship with far more money and earnings than I did. This worked fine for a long time, but I felt burdened with the housework, and I recently asked him to do more. His response was that he already was contributing more with his employment labor and income, and my extra housework was fair and only balancing things out.

I feel blindsided. We never agreed to this upfront, and I had always said I wanted a 50/50 partnership without traditional gender roles. Furthermore, we are living in a more expensive residence than I want -- he argued at the time his earnings could help pay for the monthly rent -- so returning to a 50/50 split of expenses isn't immediately feasible. Our arguments are getting worse. How would you handle this? -- Love, Money and Equality

Dear Love, Money and Equality: One of the currently popular ideas is that married couples should keep separate accounts and pool some portion of money in a joint one for household expenses. It sounds to me like that's what you are doing -- otherwise, how do you and your husband know how much each of you is exactly contributing?

I admit I am not a huge fan of this approach, precisely because of the argument you are describing. I've seen it work very well for some and very badly for others. You are, it seems, almost certainly in the latter group. If you are married or in a committed partnership, there's no reason to nickel and dime each other. It's a formula for resentment and anger, not to mention power games -- as you clearly discovered.

My advice? You and your husband need to stop thinking about his money and her money, and instead think of all earnings as belonging to the both of you. Financial decisions should be made jointly and not driven by the partner who happens to be contributing more money.

Housework is a harder issue. It's a burden that so often falls on women that research shows even in homes where the female spouse out-earns the male one, she still does more chores. I would suggest the two of you sit down and discuss how to best run the household. It's possible some chores can be performed less often. At the same time, you might also want to consider -- should your newly equal and joint finances permit it -- hiring help to handle some of the cleanup.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: I am a 64-year-old woman with two problems that will contribute to my being homeless sometime in the future. In 2003, I began dental implant procedures to replace several teeth. I suffered through rejection and a jaw infection, and I couldn't place implants where I had the infection. I have a severe gagging reflex and couldn't tolerate the final bridge, so I am missing teeth, something that contributes to my not being able to find a job. Second, I need to use a cane and walker because of a foot deformity.

My co-op has no mortgage, but I need to pay maintenance and utility bills. I also need to buy food. I haven't worked in years, and my savings will at some point be depleted, leaving me nothing but Social Security. The monthly amount will not cover my needs.

At some point, I will lose my home or have no money for food. This makes me hopeless for the future. I am willing to work. I can work. I just have to find a job where I am sitting down and not facing the public. Any suggestions would be welcome. -- Hopeless and Toothless

Dear Hopeless and Toothless: I feel your despair and pain. It's extremely difficult to recover from financial and health setbacks -- and you've had several -- when you are on the verge of retirement age. I don't have any magic or simple answer for you, alas.

I would urge you to reach out to your local senior centers and religious organizations, and find out what subsidized services you are possibly eligible to receive so you can preserve your funds. You might discover there is help available paying utility bills or accessing food banks. Senior centers also often serve free or low-cost meals. They might even deliver meals to your home via a program like Meals on Wheels, if a local agency deems you eligible for the service.

If your income is no more than 125% of the federal poverty level, you could potentially get a short-term position via the Senior Community Service Employment Program. There are larger changes you should consider, as well. You could investigate relocating to a less-expensive area of the country, or even consider retiring to a low-cost community abroad, an increasingly popular option among seniors with limited financial resources.

And finally, I would urge you to consider using some small portion of your savings to get a consult with a dentist who works with people with sensitive gag reflexes -- yes, they are out there. It is quite possible the bridge you were fitted with was not well made and contributed to your problems.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)