Dear Helaine: My husband and I are expecting our first child in November. Currently, our only debt includes his vehicle loan, our mortgage and his student loans. We both have healthy salaries and currently live comfortably while making our monthly payments.

My question is, when it comes to extra money we receive from bonuses, tax refunds, family and the like, should we put that money into savings or toward paying down our debt? Obviously, the liquidity of savings is nice, especially with a baby. I am estimating that with child care and making payments on the debt, there won't be much left over. And debt makes me CRAZY. Hence, no credit card debt for either of us.

Is the amount of debt we have "healthy," or should I be concerned and working to pay off these debts ASAP? -- Tired of Monthly Payments

Dear Tired of Monthly Payments: First, congratulations on the baby! She or he is going to change your life. A lot. Mostly for the better -- unless you count your personal finances, that is.

That number the federal government puts out, the one saying it costs more than $200,000 to raise a child in a middle-class family to the age of 18, is not a joke. Child care is just the start of the expenses. There are clothes and equipment to buy, and medical bills to pay, and birthday gifts to buy for all the parties your child will be invited to and so on. Moreover, that six-figure sum doesn't even include college.

My suggestion: Don't make any radical readjustments to your finances yet. See how you manage your money when you are out on maternity leave, and then when you return to work and need to pay for child care. I would hate to see you pay down some of these bills only to run up credit card debt.

As for whether you should tackle the debt if it turns out your finances are just fine with the new addition, if you have three months' emergency savings for a family of three set aside, and you and your husband are investing adequate money in your retirement accounts -- I mean at least 10% of each of your own gross incomes -- then yes, you can tackle this debt. I'd start with the highest-interest loan first and work your way down from there. Good luck!

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: A friend needed a dress for a formal event, and she borrowed one from me. She returned it with stains. She didn't tell me they were there. I found them myself. The dry cleaner couldn't remove them.

When I asked her about it, she apologized and said she wouldn't pay for the dry cleaning or buy me a new formal outfit because she "didn't need another dress." But it's my dress, not her dress, and she's the one who ruined it. I thought the answer was obvious. When you borrow an item from a friend and damage it, you buy them a new one. I told her so, and now she won't speak to me.

Did I get the etiquette wrong and lose a friend for no good reason? Or was she not such a good friend? -- Staining Mad

Dear Staining Mad: Accidents do happen. But if I borrow something from a friend or neighbor, and I damage, break or ruin it, it's on me to make the offer to replace it. There are all sorts of ways to do that.

In the matter of the dress, your friend should have been up-front about what happened. She then should have offered to pay for the dry cleaning and, if that didn't fix the situation, she needed to make good in some way. It's hard to buy someone another dress, but she could have offered to take you out to dinner or purchase a gift certificate to one of your favorite stores. That she didn't do this tells me this is a relationship where you did much of the giving and she the taking. (I mean, she didn't need another dress. Come. On.) If I'm right, the lost dress is a cheap price to pay for learning this about your now-former friend.

I would add one caveat, however. Did your friend borrow the outfit because she couldn't afford to buy one herself? She might have been embarrassed to admit she couldn't afford to pay you back in some way. The next time something like this happens, it might be better if you make it clear you'll be understanding if your friend's finances don't permit her to address the situation quickly.

One other thing: It's good to be generous with possessions. But if it's something you really want returned in the same shape as you lent it out, specify that up front. Or don't lend it out at all.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: I'm a 63-year-old corporate executive and was unexpectedly offered an early retirement package as part of a corporate downsizing. The package is OK, but nowhere near enough to carry my wife and myself through the next few years. I don't want to file for Social Security till my late 60s, so I can get the full benefit.

I can turn it down, but then I could be let go with a much smaller package if there are layoffs. I don't have a pension, but I have a substantial amount in my 401(k). I was counting on having another four or five years to beef up my savings between contributions and appreciation. Now what do I do? Who's going to hire me at a salary anywhere near what I was making? How can I recover from this? -- Holding On

Dear Holding On: I am sorry to hear this but not terribly surprised. All too many people -- perhaps a majority -- over the age of 50 are pushed from their workplace before they are ready to retire. Few are able to fully compensate for the financial damage that results.

There is no magic formula for making up for losing your salary before you expected it to happen. Moreover, age discrimination is not just an unfortunate reality, but also one that's extremely difficult to combat because it is very hard to prove, thanks to a Supreme Court ruling in 2009. Legislation to fix that has been stalled in Congress ever since.

So what should you do now? First, don't make any decisions about taking that early retirement package without consulting a lawyer who can explain the contract to you -- as well as let you know if you have a possible legal claim. You should also reach out to a financial planner who can advise on your financial situation.

It's quite possible there is room to negotiate a better package -- the first offer is often just that. But it's likely you will need to make lifestyle adjustments. Could you find a position that will pay you a portion of your current salary? How can you scale back without feeling too deprived? Could you make do with a smaller home, or move to a less-expensive community?

I can't answer these questions for you. Only you can do that. One other suggestion: You might consider reaching out to your elected representatives in Washington and suggest they support the Protecting Older Workers Against Discrimination Act.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)