Dear Helaine: A friend needed a dress for a formal event, and she borrowed one from me. She returned it with stains. She didn't tell me they were there. I found them myself. The dry cleaner couldn't remove them.

When I asked her about it, she apologized and said she wouldn't pay for the dry cleaning or buy me a new formal outfit because she "didn't need another dress." But it's my dress, not her dress, and she's the one who ruined it. I thought the answer was obvious. When you borrow an item from a friend and damage it, you buy them a new one. I told her so, and now she won't speak to me.

Did I get the etiquette wrong and lose a friend for no good reason? Or was she not such a good friend? -- Staining Mad

Dear Staining Mad: Accidents do happen. But if I borrow something from a friend or neighbor, and I damage, break or ruin it, it's on me to make the offer to replace it. There are all sorts of ways to do that.

In the matter of the dress, your friend should have been up-front about what happened. She then should have offered to pay for the dry cleaning and, if that didn't fix the situation, she needed to make good in some way. It's hard to buy someone another dress, but she could have offered to take you out to dinner or purchase a gift certificate to one of your favorite stores. That she didn't do this tells me this is a relationship where you did much of the giving and she the taking. (I mean, she didn't need another dress. Come. On.) If I'm right, the lost dress is a cheap price to pay for learning this about your now-former friend.

I would add one caveat, however. Did your friend borrow the outfit because she couldn't afford to buy one herself? She might have been embarrassed to admit she couldn't afford to pay you back in some way. The next time something like this happens, it might be better if you make it clear you'll be understanding if your friend's finances don't permit her to address the situation quickly.

One other thing: It's good to be generous with possessions. But if it's something you really want returned in the same shape as you lent it out, specify that up front. Or don't lend it out at all.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: I'm a 63-year-old corporate executive and was unexpectedly offered an early retirement package as part of a corporate downsizing. The package is OK, but nowhere near enough to carry my wife and myself through the next few years. I don't want to file for Social Security till my late 60s, so I can get the full benefit.

I can turn it down, but then I could be let go with a much smaller package if there are layoffs. I don't have a pension, but I have a substantial amount in my 401(k). I was counting on having another four or five years to beef up my savings between contributions and appreciation. Now what do I do? Who's going to hire me at a salary anywhere near what I was making? How can I recover from this? -- Holding On

Dear Holding On: I am sorry to hear this but not terribly surprised. All too many people -- perhaps a majority -- over the age of 50 are pushed from their workplace before they are ready to retire. Few are able to fully compensate for the financial damage that results.

There is no magic formula for making up for losing your salary before you expected it to happen. Moreover, age discrimination is not just an unfortunate reality, but also one that's extremely difficult to combat because it is very hard to prove, thanks to a Supreme Court ruling in 2009. Legislation to fix that has been stalled in Congress ever since.

So what should you do now? First, don't make any decisions about taking that early retirement package without consulting a lawyer who can explain the contract to you -- as well as let you know if you have a possible legal claim. You should also reach out to a financial planner who can advise on your financial situation.

It's quite possible there is room to negotiate a better package -- the first offer is often just that. But it's likely you will need to make lifestyle adjustments. Could you find a position that will pay you a portion of your current salary? How can you scale back without feeling too deprived? Could you make do with a smaller home, or move to a less-expensive community?

I can't answer these questions for you. Only you can do that. One other suggestion: You might consider reaching out to your elected representatives in Washington and suggest they support the Protecting Older Workers Against Discrimination Act.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: Earlier this week, I met one of my gal pals for lunch at a restaurant near my home. As the waiter cleaned the table, a plate slipped and sauce spilled on my friend's dress.

She decided to ask for a credit on our check since she planned to take the outfit to a dry cleaner. The waiter didn't want to do it, but she insisted. At one point as she spoke, I thought I heard him say, "The owner will take this out of my pay." She kept talking, and I don't think she heard. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing.

When the check came, I added the $10 discount to my tip and didn't say anything to anyone. Now I am wondering if I can ask my friend for the money back. What would you do? -- Dining Blues

Dear Dining Blues: Whether it's legal or not for the restaurant to take the money out of the waiter's pay depends on how they are paid. It's absolutely a legal no-no if it will bring the waiter's earnings below the state minimum wage. Tips are also mostly off-limits. As a result, it's very hard for a restaurant owner to do this and remain on the right side of the law. That doesn't mean it doesn't happen -- it does, and much too often. Restaurants ding waiters and other staff for everything from broken dishes to customers who skip out without paying the bill.

Obviously, the time for you to figure this out would have been at the time of the mishap. All you needed to do then was simply speak up and say, "Did you say your boss would charge you for this?" as he and your friend went back and forth. You likely didn't want to embarrass your friend, and also, most of us think of these things after the fact. Instead, you made an executive decision to compensate the waiter yourself and not discuss it with your pal.

Since you didn't allow her to make a decision at the time, you can't ask her for the money back now. But you might want to avoid the restaurant in the future for its less-than-ethical treatment of its employees. Accidents happen, and a good owner and management take that into account. If you decide to do that, you should call up, ask to speak to the owner, and explain why you are taking your business elsewhere. Perhaps you can make a positive change in the restaurant's business practices.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)