Dear Helaine: Help me decide what I should do. I'm a 53-year-old who had it all but lost everything in the recession beginning 10 years ago. I sold off real estate at a loss, closed my business and tried to pay everything I owed. In the end, I had to declare bankruptcy after running through my retirement funds.

Now I have a new career, and I am trying to plan for the future. I purchased an apartment, which I am planning to sell at a profit next year. I have $25,000 in an IRA, but no other savings to speak of. Plus, I still have $40,000 in credit card debt.

When I sell the apartment, I'll get about $100,000 after paying the mortgage. What should I do with that money? I am afraid of rising rents, so I feel like I should buy a place to live. However, I also feel I should pay off my debt because I am paying high interest rates. I also feel like I should put money aside for retirement, but there just isn't enough to do all of those things. -- Back From the Financial Abyss

Dear Back From the Abyss: I wish you had written me a decade ago! Retirement funds are, for the most part, safe from creditors in bankruptcy court. Unfortunately, all too many people -- including yourself -- use that money in an unsuccessful attempt to stave off bankruptcy. I understand the desire to pay back money owed, but bankruptcy laws are written this way for a reason.

As for what you should do now, you need to think through your options before making any financial moves. Do you plan to stay where you are long-term? If not, selling and renting might make sense. If you plan to retire where you are, you might be better off staying put. If you sell and use some of the money to pay down credit card debt, can you commit to living within your means going forward, or will you simply end up with the same amount of debt in a few years again? I can't answer these questions -- only you can.

One other thing: You need to meet with a bankruptcy attorney again. I don't know your salary, nor do I know how far in the past you declared bankruptcy and whether you filed Chapter 7 or 13, but $40,000 in high-interest credit card debt is a lot of money to owe, and it might be your best option again. You need to talk to an expert who can make a determination based on all the financial facts.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: My brother and sister both have kids. I don’t. My mother recently changed her will so that instead of each of us getting a one-third share of her estate when she dies, my siblings receive more than me because they have children, and, she believes, they will need more money.

Here’s my question: If she asks, am I obliged to leave anything to my nieces and nephews in my will? I like them fine, but I would prefer to leave my money, including what I assume I will inherit one day from my mother, to charity. -- A Charitable Dilemma

Dear Charitable Dilemma: I am going to guess you are making this inquiry for a reason: You expect your mother is going to ask you the question, and you expect she wants you to answer that you plan to leave money to your nieces and nephews. Here’s my two cents. First, much in the way your mother decided to leave more of her money -- and it is her money -- to your siblings, you also enjoy the right to dispose of your money as you see fit, both during your lifetime and in your will. But you are under no obligation to share those plans with anyone, including nosy and possibly controlling relatives.

It’s also true that you might change your plans over time. If, say, a niece or nephew or friend helps you out as you age, you might decide to thank them in your will. If anyone in the family asks directly about your will, I’d simply say you consider it a private matter and let it go at that.

As for your mother’s will, what she did strikes me as a primo way to ferment future bad feelings between you and your siblings, and I am shocked a lawyer (if she used one) didn’t point that out. If she wants to take care of her grandchildren, better to leave them money directly and then divide the remainder fairly among her children. But I also get that telling her that might cause bad blood in the family, something it sounds like you rather sensibly and kindly want to avoid.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: My father has always been the type of person who lived with the idea of “sticking it to the man” as an undertone to his life. As I was growing up, my parents saved enough money to buy a house, which is almost fully paid off, but that was about it. They saved little money, and my father’s jobs rarely lasted long. He would find another job and then things seemed stable again. Money was always tight. But about 20 years ago, it seemed like things changed. My father set up as a contract computer programmer. He was successful for several years, and was finally able to set money aside. But then that ended, too.

My parents are now 65 and almost out of money. My mother has cancer and can’t work. My sister pays her to watch her children three days a week after school. My father refuses to take a part-time job. My mother feels trapped, but says there is nothing she can do. They receive Social Security checks, but my mother’s healthcare expenses are not small.

I’m at a loss about what I can do to help. I have thought about having them live with me, but they want to remain in their home as long as possible. Financially supporting my parents would compromise my own retirement. My siblings are not in a position to help, either. What can I do? -- Out of Options

Dear Out of Options: The hardest lesson in life to learn is that we can’t save other people from themselves. I’m sorry you are learning it via your parents’ rapidly deteriorating financial situation. The good news, as you know, is that they are not out of options. They can tap into their home to come up with extra money if they need it. They don’t even need to live with you. They could simply sell the residence and move to a lower-cost condo. That’s their choice.

Your choice is whether you want to consider enabling this situation in the future. I don’t recommend it. If your father doesn’t want to get a job -- and I mean even a part-time retail position -- you most certainly shouldn’t financially support that decision. As for your mother, if the time comes when their precarious finances impede her ability to access needed medical care, you and your siblings could consider paying for it directly, if you can afford to do so.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)