Hi, Helaine: I have stock in a family business my father left me when he passed. My sister, my two brothers and I own equal shares, a little more than half the business. The rest is owned by a few cousins who also inherited shares. I am no longer involved in the business, have no emotional attachment and could use the money.

I left 15 years ago and we all get along great -- better, actually, since I left the company. The shares used to pay dividends, but they changed the policy after I left. I recently asked my siblings if the company would be interested in buying my shares. I would rather the company buy them than just one or two siblings because my father always believed we should be equal. (My sister definitely can't afford it.)

My siblings are concerned that we currently own the majority of the stock, and if I sold the stock back to the company, that would no longer be true. I'm 55 and I'd like to settle this, but I don't want to look desperate. Any suggestions for how I can clear this up? -- Unwilling Shareholder

Dear Unwilling Shareholder: A firm conversation with all your siblings is in order here.

I'd tell your brothers and sisters you are ready to sell your shares, and you would prefer to do so in a way that no one is disadvantaged. Perhaps your two brothers who can afford to buy you out can lend your sister the money so she can do the same. Or perhaps you simply need to accept that you can't be responsible for everything, and make arrangements to sell the shares to any sibling who wants them. If none do, move on to your cousins. Or perhaps -- if the business can afford it -- they can vote to allow dividends once again, so that you are not under so much financial pressure that you feel you need to sell.

But one thing I want to make clear: You should not continue to damage your own finances in the name of family unity and solidarity. You are not acting desperate; you are simply being truthful and looking out for your own interests. There's nothing desperate or wrong about that.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: My boyfriend of four years wants to get married and I'm hesitant. Part of it is that I'm in my late 40s, been married before and got taken in my divorce.

My ex had wealthy parents, and we were going to inherit one day, so we used my money for extra expenses like the down payment on our home and travel. I also took out the max in student loans because we figured we could pay them off when we inherited. Instead, we got divorced, and I ended up with my original down payment and all the student debt. Of course, this soured me on marriage.

So, my boyfriend. I earn $30,000 a year more than him, and I save diligently. He spends without thinking, doesn't plan for the future, and has no retirement or other savings. Neither of us has any debt, but I worry about combining money when our approach to finances differs so, and, of course, I worry about the financial impact of another divorce. So I've said no to marriage, but I know he still really wants to.

I would love some advice on how to approach our differences. Does it make any sense to be in a relationship with someone whose values around money are so different? -- Once Burned

Dear Once Burned: You learned the hard lesson that funds are not your funds until they are in your bank account. You've now taken that lesson to heart -- maybe too much to heart. So here is my two cents: No two people are ever going to agree in full about how to approach their finances. Your wannabe husband isn't so much irresponsible with money -- as you point out, he doesn't have debt -- as he's not fully an adult about how to approach it. It's a subtle distinction, but an important one. It means there is hope you can work this out.

You are most certainly not out of line to say you would not marry him without evidence he can save money, and do so for a period of time. Perhaps give him some guidelines, such as, "I would like to see you contribute 5 percent of your salary for a year to a 401(k) before I consider marriage."

But that's IF you want to marry again. There's no reason to do so simply because he would prefer it. You need to want it as well. And there I can't help you. Only you can answer that question.

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)

Dear Helaine: My fiance and I are 27, debt-free and combined earn $150,000. We also live in a city with a high cost of living and rents. We both think it would be great to have our monthly payment going toward something we can own when our lease is up this summer. However, we only have $10,000 saved specifically for a down payment.

Up to this point, we've been paying off what debt we had, dealing with an emergency, saving for retirement, building a six-month emergency fund. My parents are paying for the wedding. What is it OK to cut or put aside so we can come up with at least a 10 percent down payment? Can we skip a year of retirement savings? Cut down our six-month emergency fund to a three-month fund? Sell off investments we have outside of our joint housing savings and retirement accounts to fund this?

I intend for the first expense post-house to be replenishing whatever funds went to the down payment and paying down the mortgage, so we can eliminate the mortgage insurance ASAP. Is it ever OK when you are earning a lot to temporarily cut back on your financial safety net? We have the money, just not right now. -- Homeowner in Waiting

Dear Homeowner in Waiting: Here's one easy way to buttress your house savings fund: downsize the wedding and ask your parents if they'll put the saved funds toward your future housing fund, either in the form of a gift now or an assist when you've found your home. A wedding, as meaningful as it is, is one day in your life. A home you will live in for years to come. I suspect it's a rare parent who will say no to such a request. (I'm assuming your parents have the money, and aren't charging the shindig on a credit card.)

That being said, I'm guessing, based on your comments, you'll need at least $50,000 to come up with a 10 percent down payment. Your habits seem good, and I would suggest cutting back to a three-month emergency fund and tapping into your individual investments held outside of retirement accounts before downsizing or eliminating saving for retirement.

One other thing: Make sure you can afford to own a home. In many cities, especially high-cost ones, it is cheaper to rent than own when all the added costs (property taxes, high cost of buying, home maintenance and so on) are added in. I would hate to see you get financially ahead of your skis as you begin your marriage. On that note -- congratulations!

(To ask Helaine a question, email her at askhelaine@gmail.com.)

(EDITORS: For editorial questions, please contact Sue Roush at sroush@amuniversal.com)