life

How to Deal With Disappointment

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | October 12th, 2020

One afternoon, a boy was walking through a field when he came upon an apple tree. “It sure would be nice to have an apple to eat right about now,” he thought as he stood below the tree.

The windfall apples scattered on the ground were inedible, as they’d been half-eaten by various critters. There were a few pieces of ripe fruit hanging from some limbs, but most of these branches were just out of reach.

The boy was unable to climb the tree and unable to jump up to grab a piece of fruit. As he walked away, empty-handed and hungry, he mumbled, “Stupid tree. I bet the apples aren’t any good.”

Was he disappointed in the height of the tree or in his failure to find a way to pick the apples? In either event, circumstances were beyond his control.

These days, it often feels like disappointments are everywhere. So many parts of our lives have been disrupted, and the future seems very uncertain at times. It would be simple to give up hope and just let the chips fall where they may. But don’t give in to that mindset.

Disappointment is part of life. It happens to everyone. To avoid being disappointed is to avoid being human. The more expectations you have, the more disappointments you will encounter, especially if you go outside your comfort zone. People who expect the best are often let down the most.

Maybe it’s missing out on a promotion, losing an account or frustration with the “new normal.” Disappointments come in all sizes. Some may be small, others life-changing. How you handle such occasions will determine how fast you are able to move on with your life and career.

When disappointment happens, let yourself experience the emotions that come with it. For example, I want to remember how I felt so it drives me to never feel that way again. The important thing is not to dwell on your disappointment so long that it turns into discouragement.

Try to put a positive spin on your disappointment. I’m not a big believer in the blame game. This is a good time to have a sounding board, someone with whom you can talk things over.

Reframe your thinking and expectations. No one is perfect, so don’t set standards that you can’t meet. Examine what it will take to make you happy and feel fulfilled.

Stay optimistic. Positive thinking has no negatives. Positive thinking changes the way we behave. I firmly believe that when I am positive, it not only makes me better, but it also makes those around me better. I have found that good attitudes are contagious.

Maybe it’s a good time to take a break and regroup after being disappointed. Stress often gives a little thing a big shadow. Find your stress reliever. One of mine is sports -- attending a sporting event (when we could), playing golf or swimming. I’ve been known to play tennis and run marathons too. Find your stress reliever and use it. It could be music, reading, gardening, bird-watching or even parachuting.

Look at the big picture and get some perspective on what went wrong. Learn from it. Can it be corrected or changed? If that is not an option, then you may have to change course and move on and learn from the experience.

You can’t let disappointment cause you to procrastinate. Procrastination robs you of the one commodity that you just can’t replace: time. It throws off schedules. It exchanges accomplishment with inaction. Overcoming procrastination helps your to-do list become your all-done list.

Don’t lose hope and allow yourself to get beaten down. Believe in yourself. Make a plan to move forward. Set a small goal or plan that you can accomplish to get the ball rolling and feel confident about yourself.

“We must all suffer one of two things: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret or disappointment,” said my friend, the late Jim Rohn, American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker.

The minister of a church discovered at the last minute that he hadn’t invited a sweet older lady congregant to come to his garden party, so he called her up and asked her to come out.

“It’s no use,” she informed him. “I’ve already prayed for rain.”

Mackay’s Moral: Don’t let disappointment cloud your thinking.

life

How to Deal With Hate

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | October 5th, 2020

Like an old barn, many of us have been around a long time. We’ve withstood a lot of life’s storms, bad weather and hard times, but we’re still standing, even though we find ourselves leaning to one side occasionally.

The danger comes when we lean toward anger, bitterness, hatred, cursing and other negative or harmful things. We need to prop ourselves up away from these leanings so we will stand straight and tall again.

This little analogy is particularly appropriate for our times, as we see so much hatred and anger all around us. Those emotions cause so many problems not only in society, but also personally. Hate blocks clarity, clouding our judgment and causing us to be more impulsive and aggressive. Anger can lead to unacceptable actions that we immediately regret. Rather than enabling us to see possible solutions, we become so entrenched in our own position that we become irrational.

Experts say chronic hatred and extreme anger can add to our stress and take a toll on our physical and mental health. Apply that to a business, and the results are financially devastating. The cycle is deadly.

Psychologists say that carrying hostility around can kill us. Wishing evil on someone does more damage to us than to the objects of our anger and hatred.

Hate has a way of bringing out the worst in people. Used as a means to cover up feelings of fear or pain, hatred can quickly become all-consuming.

Most of us have experienced feelings of hatred at one time or another. If you have wronged someone, you should make amends or at least apologize.

Hate prevents you from seeing things that may be beneficial in solving problems. But attacking someone just because of who they are is destructive at every level. Learn to let hatred go, and instead look for positive points instead.

On the reverse side, you will encounter people who dislike you for petty reasons or out of jealousy. But don’t let that unjustified hostility get to you.

WikiHow offers up some great suggestions on dealing with haters.

Ignore them -- Bullies try to provoke a reaction, so don’t respond. Don’t engage them in any way. If the hater physically or verbally assaults you, get another person or someone in authority involved. Try not to provoke bullies.

Project confidence -- Self-confidence is your best defense against a hater because they start to realize they can’t get to you. Stay positive.

Avoid them -- Don’t hide, just stay away from situations where you might interact with haters. If you must confront haters directly, explain respectfully where you’re coming from.

Prove them wrong -- The best way to quiet a hater is to show them up. If they say you can’t do something, do it well. Let their hate fuel your ambition.

Nip it in the bud -- When you see a situation escalating, remind the other person that you are willing to work together but only in a respectful atmosphere. Let them know you have no intention of tolerating anything less.

An old Cherokee told his grandson a legend about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is evil and filled with anger, envy and hate. The other is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about this for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one I feed.”

life

Ambition Is a Must

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | September 28th, 2020

U.S. President Calvin Coolidge was very skillful at turning away any questions he didn’t like. However, in 1928, after Coolidge issued his famous “I do not choose to run” statement, a persistent reporter looking for more details followed Coolidge to the door of his library.

The reporter asked for more details about why the president was opting not to run for a second term.

Coolidge looked the reporter squarely in the eyes and replied, “Because there is no chance for advancement.”

Does that mean that Coolidge had no ambition? Hardly. He was just a man of few words, and he wasn’t about to waste any on an overly ambitious reporter.

Ambition was once condemned as unnatural or even immoral in much of the world.

However, in the modern world and particularly in America, we have come to idealize self-made figures. People like steel magnate Andrew Carnegie and oil tycoon John D. Rockefeller who, without education or status, transformed the scale of business corporations. Or Frederick Douglass, the ex-slave who became a learned and articulate advocate for his people. And Elizabeth Arden, the cosmetics icon who built an empire on beauty.

America was settled by generations of immigrants who came here with a burning ambition to make something of themselves and their families. These men and women had the broadest range of opportunity in the world, so it’s logical that ambition should flourish in America. This ambition is essentially what the Declaration of Independence described as “the pursuit of happiness.”

Let’s face it, ambition requires hard work. Most people want to improve themselves, but not too many want to work at it.

I’m a proud member of the Horatio Alger Association of Distinguished Americans, named for the renowned author whose tales of overcoming adversity through unyielding perseverance and basic moral principles captivated the public in the late 19th century. His writings were characterized by a “rags-to-riches” narrative.

If you are looking for a job, part of the process is to show your prospective new employers that you are ambitious. You can’t just say you have ambition; you have to demonstrate it. You’ve accepted challenges. You’ve made things happen. You have a lot to be proud of. And you can make a contribution to the company.

But having ambition alone is not enough. You have to know what you want, if not specifically, at least generally. You need to know what you value. The best place to start is to identify times when you were happy, proud and fulfilled, according to advice from the Mission website. Look for common denominators to determine what your true values are.

Focus on your strengths, not your weaknesses. Everyone has weaknesses, and those can’t always be overcome. But they are only a problem if you let them become an excuse for not pushing forward. When you look at your strengths, you can form goals that allow you to maximize your best points.

Ambitious people usually know how to ask for help to keep growing. Maybe someone can offset your weaknesses and help you develop your strengths.

Follow your dreams. Once you have decided what your ultimate goal is -- for now -- make a plan and get started. It may not happen overnight, but it won’t happen at all unless you take the first step. And then set even higher goals.

Here's a story that illustrates what I'm talking about. A man picked up a hitchhiker, a young fellow who looked like he’d been traveling for a while. The two started a conversation, and the driver asked his passenger about his plans for the future.

The hitchhiker explained he was traveling around the country, camping and taking in the sights. Then, when he returned home, he planned to make a fortune in the tech industry. He had an idea that was going to make him a millionaire.

“Do people really do that?” asked the driver.

“Make money in the tech world? Sure,” came the reply.

“No,” the driver said. “I mean, do they take the time out from life instead of getting to work on making their dreams a reality?”

There is no time like the present to put your ambition to work.

Mackay’s Moral: Everyone should take some time daily to look at the road map of their ambition.

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