life

How to Spot a Liar

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | December 16th, 2019

According to a new biography, a man who became infamous for deception got his start at a young age. As a high-school sophomore, this young man was assigned to present a book report to his class.

Because he never got around to reading anything, he stood up in the classroom and proceeded to tell his classmates about “Hunting and Fishing” by Peter Gunn -- a book that didn’t exist. When the teacher asked him to show her the book, the student calmly replied that he couldn’t because he’d already returned it to the library.

The young student was Bernard Madoff, who later in life became notorious for his Ponzi scheme that bilked investors out of billions of dollars.

Santa Claus may know who’s been naughty and who’s been nice this time of year, but spotting a liar isn’t always simple.

In the 1991 book “The Day America Told the Truth,” by James Patterson and Peter Kim, research showed that 91% of Americans admit to lying routinely, while 36% confessed to big, important lies. Eighty-six percent of those surveyed said they lie regularly to parents, 75% to friends, 73% to siblings, 69% to spouses, 81% about their feelings, 43% about their income and 40% about sex.

Psychologist Michael Lewis of Rutgers University says there are three types of lies: lies to protect feelings, such as saying a gift is nice when you actually hate it, lies to avoid punishment and lies of self-deception.

While the first type might be acceptable, the other two are never OK. It’s important to know that you are dealing with honest people who can be trusted. But how do you know?

The TV show “Lie to Me,” which ran from 2009-2011, featured a psychologist who could recognize lying by observing the slightest change of expression or a subtle unconscious gesture. Most of us aren’t that skilled, but you can learn to spot a lie by paying close attention. Here’s what to watch and listen for:

-- Words and gestures that don’t match. Look at the timing of people’s words and gestures (or expressions). Example: Joe says, “I’d love to help you with that,” but frowns, or else flashes a smile a moment or so afterward. Sincere, spontaneous gestures and expressions are normally simultaneous with statements.

-- Repetition. Liars are more likely to repeat your question or rephrase it when answering. You: “Did you take the last piece of cake?” Liar: “No, I didn’t take the last piece of cake.”

-- A thoughtful pause. Most people need time to think before they tell a lie. “I had to ... take my mother to the dentist,” for example. Be sensitive to hesitations and pauses when they answer your questions.

-- Try changing the subject. When you suspect someone is lying, switch to a different topic. Liars will be relieved that you’ve moved on, and eager to engage the new topic. People telling the truth are more likely to be confused by the abrupt switch.

-- Don’t jump to conclusions. All of these behaviors may have alternative explanations. If the matter is serious, investigate the facts before making any accusations.

A CIA agent was told to find a small village in Ireland and pick up some highly sensitive information from a secret operative stationed there whose name was Murphy.

The CIA man was told the agent would identify himself when he heard the code phrase, “The sun is shining, the grass is green and the cows are ready for pasture.”

So the agent located a small village in County Cork and checked into a local guest house under an assumed name. Seeking to stretch his legs, he was walking down a country road when he saw a farmer coming toward him. He stopped the man and said, “I'm looking for a man named Murphy.”

“Well, you've come to the right place,” said the farmer, “but we have a butcher who is named Murphy, a baker named Murphy and an auto mechanic on the edge of town who is named Murphy. In fact, my own name is Murphy.”

Thinking he might have stumbled onto the right man already, the CIA agent softly repeated the code phrase, “The sun is shining, the grass is green and the cows are ready for pasture.”

“Oh,” said the farmer, “you're looking for Murphy the spy -- he’s in that town in the other direction over there!”

Mackay’s Moral: Honesty is not just the best policy -- it should be your only policy.

life

Public Speaking, on a Serious Tip

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | December 9th, 2019

There are few times in life when you are totally alone -- like just before you make a five-minute speech. Or if you doubt the concept of eternity, try and make a five-minute speech.

Let’s start with my basic premise: Everyone is a salesperson whether they want to admit it or not. Why? Because from the time you get up in the morning until the time you go to bed at night, you are continually communicating, negotiating, persuading, influencing and selling ideas.

When you can get up on your feet and talk extemporaneously on a variety of subjects, this instills confidence, develops poise and breeds conviction. You become more convincing in your meetings and your encounters.

Also, you become a better leader, manager and salesperson.

The best-kept secret in the world is Toastmasters International, which started in 1924 and today has 357,000 members in 143 countries and more than 16,600 member clubs. I am a proud graduate. Toastmasters changed my life. And it can change your life too.

Another organization that can dramatically change your life is Dale Carnegie Training, which boasts a century of proven success in professional training and development solutions. I am also a graduate of Dale Carnegie.

The three most important keys on giving a good speech are: Room size, room size and room size. You want the excitement and chemistry of a standing-room-only, bumper-to-bumper crowd. Extra space is a killer. Avoid it at all costs. Where possible, try to avoid high ceilings.

Have the first row set very close to the stage. Too much space between the speaker and the first row can destroy chemistry with the audience.

Studies show people remember more and laugh more in brightness. Turn the lights up full blast, unless you are showing slides/overheads.

Practice, practice, practice. Know your stuff. Don’t ever give another speech without it being entertaining as well as educational.

Outside noise from the adjoining rooms and hallways is the No. 1 killer of meetings. In fact, if another event is being held in the rooms adjacent to my talk, I will make every effort to book another venue. If you can’t hear a pin drop, you’re in the wrong room. A quick phone call to the catering manager will ensure total quiet.

Never, never, never end your program with a question- and-answer session. You cannot control the agenda or the quality of the questions. Start the Q & A five minutes before the end of your talk, then end with a good story.

Find out who the group's last three to five speakers were and how they were accepted. Ask why they were successful or why they failed.

Always request that a technician be in the room during your entire talk in case of microphone problems.

Contact the Chamber of Commerce of any city you are to speak in. They will give you loads of information to familiarize you with the local surroundings and help you personalize your remarks. Above all, you must know your audience.

Never mispronounce a person’s name. If you're not sure, check with the sponsor. Then double-check.

Stick to your allotted time and don’t exceed it.

If you don't have a smashing "opener" and "closer," go back to the drawing board. And, don't step up to the microphone until you do.

And finally, debrief yourself within 24 hours of a speech, and take 10 minutes to write down what you could do better the next time. Try something new every time you speak, and you'll never become stale.

I estimate I’ve given well over 2,000 speeches and presentations over the years. I will confess, I still get butterflies before I speak. When those butterflies flit away, I will know it’s time to walk away from the podium. Because I am quite convinced that if I get too comfortable, my audience will too -- just before they fall asleep!

Mackay’s Moral: The best way to make a speech is to have a good beginning and a good ending -- and to keep them close together.

(Harvey Mackay is the author of the New York Times best-seller "Swim With the Sharks Without Being Eaten Alive." He can be reached through his website, www.harveymackay.com, by emailing harvey@mackay.com or by writing him at MackayMitchell Envelope Co., 2100 Elm St. SE, Minneapolis, MN 55414.)

life

Ready, Willing and Parable

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | December 2nd, 2019

If you’ve read anything I have written over the years, you’ve probably figured out that I love stories that put management principles into action, even when they don’t seem to have anything to do with business. My thought is that they are much more memorable than classroom exercises, and certainly a lot more entertaining. Here are a few of my recent favorites.

The greedy wolf: On a hot day, a wolf was feeling very hungry. He searched the forest, but he caught only a small hare. Disappointed, he thought, “This hare can’t fill my stomach.”

Just as the wolf was about to kill the hare, a deer ran by. The greedy wolf thought, “Instead of this small hare, let me eat that big deer.”

He released the hare and chased the deer. But the deer was too fast, and it vanished into the forest. The wolf now regretted letting the hare go.

Moral: Consider keeping what’s in your hand before chasing something better.

The same problems: People in a village had been complaining about the same problems to a wise man many times. One day he told them a joke, and everyone roared in laughter. After a couple of minutes, he told them the same joke and only a few of them smiled.

When he told the same joke for the third time, no one laughed anymore.

The wise man smiled and said: “You can’t laugh at the same joke over and over. So why are you always crying about the same problem?”

Moral: Don’t keep worrying about the same problems. Either solve them or move on.

The boulder in the road: A king had a boulder placed on a roadway, then hid and watched to see if anyone would move the boulder out of the way.

Some of the kingdom’s wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many of them loudly blamed the king for not keeping the roads clear.

Then a peasant came along pushing a cart of vegetables. As he approached the boulder, the peasant set his cart aside and tried to push the stone out of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

Then he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the king, explaining that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

Moral: Every obstacle we come across in life gives us an opportunity to improve our circumstances.

Checking in: How am I doing? On the bus, an older man happened to overhear a young woman talking on her cellphone. “Hello, could I speak to your sales director please? Yes, I’m calling about the sales position you advertised three months ago? Is that still open? No? Well, is there any chance of it opening up again soon? May I ask why not? Really, that good? Well, thank you.”

The man turned and said, “I don’t usually listen to other people’s phone conversations, but I happened to overhear yours. I’m sorry the job you’re trying to get isn’t available anymore.”

“Oh, that’s not it at all,” the young woman said with a smile. “That’s where I just started working three months ago. I was just calling to see how they think I’m doing. The sales director said his newest salesperson is doing a fantastic job, so I must be doing all right.”

Moral: Don’t take your success for granted.

Lessons from the duck: How big is a duck? Oh, about two feet long, maybe. Have you ever seen a duck move through water on a lake? You don't see its feet paddling under water, but let me tell you, the duck really moves.

For me, what was impressive was to look at the wake the duck left behind as it moved forward. WOW! It opened up an angle of at least 40 degrees and the water rippled as far as 40 to 50 feet, maybe even more. That's a lot. Think about it, that duck left a wake that's 600 times its actual size. That's a lot of effect from a duck that's only two feet long.

Moral: Every big wave started out as a little ripple.

Life and business teach us lessons every day. Be on the lookout -- sometimes the best ideas and solutions are right in front of us.

Mackay’s Moral: Always keep your eyes -- and your mind -- open.

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