In life, things happen to us, but the only thing that truly matters is what happens within us.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with the University of Minnesota head football coach P.J. Fleck. I asked P.J. what he looks for when he recruits players. P.J. said he wants kids who have faced adversity and gone through a lot in their young lives.

Maybe that’s why the legendary college football coach and my longtime friend Lou Holtz, said: “Show me someone who has done something worthwhile and I’ll show you someone who has overcome adversity.”

I have never yet met a successful person who hasn’t had to overcome either a little or a lot of adversity in his or her life. I want people who can accomplish their goals. I want people who are tougher, better, smarter, harder-working and more able than the competition. If people believe in themselves, there’s hardly anything that they can’t accomplish.

When asked the secret of his success, retail magnate J.C. Penney replied, “Adversity. I would never have amounted to anything had I not been forced to come up the hard way.”

Everyone faces adversity, pain, loss and suffering in life. When you go through those periods, it’s hard to remember that the emotions you’re feeling are only temporary. The best thing to do is to develop a plan for what you will do when these times hit and find your way to the silver lining -- the place where you can feel hopeful again.

First, examine whether you have:

-- A personal sense of commitment in life.

-- A feeling of control over life.

-- An ability to let go when appropriate.

-- A strong personal support system.

-- Strong values.

Without these attributes, even small stumbling blocks can magnify everything to the point of inducing failure. Work at developing these traits.

Keep in mind, there are plenty of things you can’t control, such as traffic, the number of hours in a day, your age, other people’s whims and reactions and, of course, death and taxes.

But you do have control over some significant areas that will minimize the adversity you encounter, such as your treatment of others, the way you spend your time outside of work, your self-image, when and how to share your feelings, how to let others know you’re stressed and how old you act.

In other words, take care of the little things and, suddenly, the big things take on a more realistic perspective.

I’m often asked how I deal with adversity. The first thing I do is to stay focused on the task at hand. When dealing with adversity, it’s important to stay present and mindful of the moment.

Second is to break things down. What is important? Try not to get overwhelmed when facing adversity and setbacks.

Third, take whatever immediate action is necessary, but if you have the luxury of time, sleep on it.

And finally, it’s always good to have mentors or a trusty “kitchen cabinet” to be your sounding board.

A playful story is told of a man walking home from work in the dark of night. Not noticing a large hole in the street produced by recent construction, he fell in. Every effort to escape was futile, so he leaned back in the corner and fell asleep.

A short time later another walker found himself quickly descending to the bottom of the hole. He too struggled and strained to find a way out. Exhausted, he was about to sit down and wait for the morning light when he heard a voice in the darkness say, “Forget it, fella. You can’t get out.”

In a split second he was out!

Isn’t it amazing how all of a sudden the man was able to jump a little higher, put forth a little more effort, climb a little farther to escape his predicament? The “voice in the night” provided just the motivation he needed.

Mackay’s Moral: Turn adversity to advantage with the right attitude.

Thomas Jefferson arrived alone on horseback at a hotel in Baltimore and asked for a room. The owner of the hotel looked Jefferson up and down and surmised that he was a lowly farmer and in a curt voice said, “We have no room for you, sir.”

Just after Jefferson had left, a very wealthy man came to the hotel and informed the owner that the man was Thomas Jefferson, vice president of the United States at the time. The hotelier was amazed and appalled that he had turned away the vice president.

He called for his helpers and he said, “Run and tell that gentleman that he may have forty rooms if he wishes. Tell him to come back. He can have my wife’s bedroom or my own.”

Jefferson by that time had already reached another hotel when the first hotelier's servants caught up with him and delivered their master’s message.

Jefferson replied: “Tell him I have engaged a room. Tell him that I value his good intentions highly, but if he has no room for a dirty farmer, he shall have none for the vice president.”

As baseball great Jackie Robinson said, “I'm not concerned with your liking or disliking me ... All I ask is that you respect me as a human being.”

There are four very important words in life: love, honesty, truth and respect. Without these in your life you have nothing.

If there was ever a time in our history when respect was less evident, I would suggest that time is now.

But all is not lost. I think most of us would prefer to return to kinder times, when differing opinions were met with open minds. It’s important to listen to other points of view. You may learn something that you hadn’t considered before. And it could help you understand why others behave as they do.

Baseball legend Reggie Jackson said: “I believe it is very important to show respect toward individuals who live up to their obligations and responsibilities, whether or not you like the individuals involved. Respect is a virtue which goes far beyond the emotion of liking.”

You probably spend most of your waking hours at work, so respectful behavior is essential to building trust among co-workers. Working together can easily turn co-workers into best friends, making jobs more enjoyable and the workplace a productive environment.

But friendships need to be managed appropriately, just like every other workplace relationship. Respect in the workplace means that you follow some basic rules.

-- Limit social chatter. Everyone chats a little at work, but don’t let your friendly conversations overshadow your responsibilities. Stay focused on your job most of the time.

-- Keep private issues private. When you have problems to discuss, do it over lunch or after work. You don’t want to make your co-workers privy to your personal dramas -- and they probably don’t want to listen to them either.

-- Avoid gossip. Most of us love to talk about other people, but keep your natural inclination to share rumors about co-workers or managers in check. If colleagues realize you’re gossiping about them, the backlash could be unpleasant.

-- Don’t do each other’s jobs. Pitching in to help a friend in a crunch is admirable, but keep it to a reasonable limit. Your manager is in charge of assignments and responsibilities, not you. You don’t want to give the impression that you don’t trust your boss to do his or her job.

-- Include, don’t exclude. You may prefer the company of your friend, but don’t ignore the rest of your office. Invite other co-workers to lunch and include them in your conversations. You may even make new friends by expanding your circle at work.

I’d hate to think we all have to learn the hard way, like Jefferson's Baltimore hotelier.

Mackay’s Moral: Showing respect is not a sign of weakness -- it’s a show of strength.

For some time, a storekeeper had displayed in his window a card inscribed “Fishing Tickle.”

A customer drew the proprietor's attention to the spelling error. “Hasn't anyone told you about it before?” asked the patron.

“Oh, yes,” the dealer said placidly, “many have mentioned it. But whenever they drop in to tell me, they always buy something.”

Intentional spelling errors in advertising are nothing new. Snickers is one of my favorite candy bars (when my wife lets me have one), and I remember when they ran ads featuring spelling errors. One ad read: “Oh Deer Its Hard To Spel When Your Hungry. If you keap making typing mistakes grab yourself a Snickers fast.” Then they pictured a candy bar that read “Snikkers.”

The salesman in me pays attention to creative sales ideas that make customers take notice. Here are a few of my favorite tips.

Personalize things -- It only makes sense for stores to offer this service for customers who want products personalized, from towels to basketball shoes.

Break a record -- Mike Lindell, of My Pillow fame, handed out pillows at a sporting event and had the world’s largest pillow fight.

Establish new experiences for customers -- Sports teams have really capitalized on this, as they give their season ticketholders and fans experiences -- a meet and greet or chances to watch practice or take batting practice. In a competitive sports market, these experiences are invaluable.

Use props -- There can be found no better examples of salespeople using props than at state fairs. I’m mesmerized by product pitchers demonstrating knives, cookware, cleaners, toys or some product that you can’t live without. Always remember: A mediocre salesperson tells. A good salesperson explains. A superior salesperson demonstrates.

Catchy and ubiquitous ads -- Advertising is everywhere. From bathroom stalls to shopping carts to websites, it needs to be memorable to be effective. Example: an ad for a handyman that read, “I can fix anything your husband can. And I’ll do it NOW.” Another similar ad read, “I can fix anything that your husband breaks.”

Contests -- They have been around forever. The crazier the better. The more attention they attract the better.

Sell benefits, not features -- Don’t sell me books; sell me knowledge. Don’t sell me insurance; sell me peace of mind. Don’t sell me clothes; sell me style, attractiveness and a sharper image. Don’t sell me a computer; sell me the time I will save.

Have a unique calling card -- My friend, the late Victor Kiam, told me about one of the greatest salesmen he ever knew. John Henry James was a tall and imposing man who made his sales calls in a chauffeur-driven limousine. At each stop, the chauffeur would jump out of the car and announce, “Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. John Henry James has arrived!” James would enter with his sample case and say, “I do believe we’re going to do some business today.” And he was right.

Likability -- To be successful at selling, it’s important that customers like you. People do business with people they feel comfortable with. Movie star Burt Reynolds said that the reason why some actors become successful in movies is that the camera likes them. Reynolds said that every day he worked in front of a camera, he started the day off going up to the camera and saying, “I love you. Like me today. Please, like me today.” We need to remember that customers are like a camera. Make the buyer like you.

Appreciate your customers -- They don’t magically appear, and they need motivation to stay and keep coming back. Whether you have everyday customers, once-a-year customers, in person or online, browsers or buyers, they need to feel special.

Joe, a small-town barber, knew his clients’ preferences after decades of service, and he always charged his clients fairly. A national-chain hair salon opened just across the street. It had shiny new fixtures, neon signs, young and attractive personnel AND they were offering haircuts for $10.

Joe watched as traffic poured into the new competitor and wondered how he was going to compete with that. Should he put up a sign -- “Haircuts $9.99”? What to do?

After some thought and reflection on his business, Joe posted a large sign outside of his shop: “We fix $10 haircuts.” He pointed the sign directly at his competitor’s front door.

It didn’t take long for Joe’s clients to come back.

Mackay’s Moral: You can’t beat the competition if you don’t compete.