A monk was strolling through the garden at a Zen monastery, listening to music. He stopped near another monk, who motioned for him to remove his earbuds.

“What are you doing?” the second monk said.

“I’m listening to music and meditating,” answered the first.

“Do you have permission from the master to do this?” the second monk asked.

“But of course,” replied the first monk.

“I find it hard to believe the master would allow you to do such a thing,” the second monk said. “I was denied this very privilege just yesterday.”

“How did you raise the question with the master?” the first monk asked.

“I approached him and asked, ‘When I am meditating on my walks through the garden, is it OK to listen to music?’ The Zen master told me, ‘Absolutely not.’”

“That’s odd,” the first monk replied. “I approached the master and said, ‘I’m listening to music while I’m walking in the garden. Is it OK for me to meditate?’ and he replied, ‘Certainly.’”

Sometimes the answers you receive are determined by the questions you ask.

Scientists and detectives know how to ask questions that produce results. They also know that sometimes the answers they get lead to additional questions. It’s the only way to discern the answers that they need, not just the answers they expected to find.

Managers can learn much about asking the right kinds of questions to reach a solid conclusion. The subtle difference here is that the questions need to be framed so that they don’t come across as threatening or demeaning.

Employees also need to have the freedom to ask questions of their managers that clarify the purpose of a project or establish the best way to proceed.

Honest communication is the first step in asking and answering questions. There are three types of questions that will facilitate clear and open lines of communication.

Repetitive questions -- Sometimes you have to keep asking the same question to find the answer you need. Here's an example:

“When can I expect your report/response?”

"Next week."

“When next week?”

"Probably Thursday."

Each question will get you closer to a definite answer.

“What else?” questions -- These questions elicit additional information by exploring surrounding issues and specific concerns. “What conclusions does your report reach? What else did you find out? What else concerned you? What more could we do to handle that problem?”

“Why?” questions -- Asking “Why?” forces you and the other person to look at the underlying issues. “What caused the report to be late? Why couldn’t you get the information you needed? Why did you have trouble confirming your conclusions? What could we have done to help you?”

On the flip side, learning how to answer questions completes the circle.

Give every inquiry your best reply once you are sure you understand the question. Again, clear communication is critical. Make sure you understand precisely what you are being asked so that you can best answer the question.

Don’t be intimidated when a higher-up who has less knowledge of the topic at hand asks you to explain further. Take it as a compliment and share what you know. Answer succinctly and provide relevant information.

Leave out details that do not relate to the question at hand, unless you are asked for additional thoughts. Be careful not to be arrogant. Complicated language and technical terms are fine if your audience understands them. Before you get too fancy, consider how your answer will help the questioner.

Finally, don’t be afraid to admit that you don’t know the answer. But offer to do further research to find the information requested.

A manager overheard a salesperson tell a customer, “Gee, we haven’t had any for a long time. I don’t think we’re supposed to get any more until the end of the month.” The customer said thanks and headed toward the door.

The manager was horrified and caught up with the customer, telling him, “Come back next week. If we don’t have it by then we can make a special order for you.” The customer looked puzzled and walked out the door. The salesperson was embarrassed.

The manager railed at the salesperson, “How many times have I told you not to let a customer go without an invitation to come back? Now, what exactly was he asking about?”

“Rain,” the salesperson replied.

Mackay’s Moral: Be careful what you ask for -- if you want the right answer.

A teacher asked her students if any of them had extra pencils they’d be willing to share with their classmates. One student reluctantly raised his hand.

The teacher approached his desk, and before the student handed her his pencil case, he told her that he didn’t mind sharing his pencils, but he wanted them back when they were not being used.

The teacher agreed to return them at the end of the day, but was wondering why this student was making such a big deal about the pencils. When she opened his pencil case, everything became clear.

Each pencil was adorned with a few words of encouragement in what looked like red nail polish. The teacher realized how special these pencils were to the boy as she read the note on each one: "You are smart." "I love you." "You can do great things." "I am proud of you." "You’re the best." "I believe in you."

This story, adapted from the SunnySkyz website, demonstrates the power of encouragement. A person may not be as good as you tell her she is, but she’ll try harder thereafter.

Encouragement is defined as something that makes someone feel more supported; something that makes someone more determined, hopeful or confident; and something that makes someone more likely to do something.

One of my favorite quotes on encouragement is from the dean of influencing people, Dale Carnegie: “Tell a child, a husband or an employee that he is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, that he has no gift for it and that he is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve. But use the opposite technique -- be liberal with encouragement; make the thing seem easy to do; let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it; that he has an undeveloped flair for it -- and he will practice until the dawn comes in at the window in order to excel.”

There are plenty of easy ways to make people feel special, such as a simple smile, taking them out for a meal, listening, doing a favor, giving a recommendation or compliment, or sending a hand-written note or card telling them how much you appreciate them.

Encouragement is an especially valuable tool for managing employees. I can tell you from decades of business experience, it is critically important to emphasize positive achievements in performance reviews, and to offer constructive advice for improving areas that need building up. Make employees feel like they can reach their potential.

What do your employees really want? A manager who cares will remember these basic elements:

-- “I want to feel important.” No one wants to feel like a number, interchangeable and easy to forget. Get to know your employees as people; find out what makes each one unique and show them you’re paying attention to their individuality.

-- “I need encouragement.” Even the best employees continue to flourish and grow with positive feedback. Let them know what they’re doing right and how they can keep performing at a high level. They’ll notice and keep up their efforts.

-- “I want to believe in you.” Employees want to know they can trust you -- your knowledge, your expertise and your word. Show your commitment to helping them succeed and grow by listening, answering questions honestly and keeping your promises.

-- “I want to succeed.” Most employees want to do a good job, even if they don’t necessarily want to advance. Explain your expectations clearly and give them the training and support they need so they know you’re invested in helping them.

-- “I want to be motivated.” Yes, motivation springs from inside, but employees want to be told why they should complete a project or improve quality in terms that make sense to them. Emphasize the job’s value to the organization, as well as the benefits the employee will enjoy -- personal satisfaction as well as more tangible rewards -- to unleash their enthusiasm and commitment.

As the old saying goes: “People do not live by bread alone. They need buttering up once in a while.”

Mackay’s Moral: Compliments are like potato chips. Once you’ve had one, you look for more.

A teacher asked her young pupils to tell about their acts of kindness to animals. After several heart-stirring stories, the teacher asked one boy if he had anything to add. He replied rather proudly, “I kicked a boy once for kicking his dog.”

OK, so he only got it half-right. Perhaps he should have paid better attention to Fred Rogers, the legendary television personality whose programs for children live on in the hearts of generations. He said, paraphrasing the author Henry James: “There are three ways to ultimate success:

“The first way is to be kind.

“The second way is to be kind.

“The third way is to be kind.”

Kindness is a fundamental life skill that we should instill in children so that they grow up to be kind adults.

Kindness is one of the strongest of all virtues. When you are good to others, you are best to yourself. Kindness is the oil that takes the friction out of life.

And the best part of all? You don’t need any special schooling or skills. Everyone can be kind -- if they decide to be.

“One who knows how to show and to accept kindness will be a friend better than any possession,” is a quote often attributed to Sophocles, the ancient Greek playwright.

Kindness is not weakness. Quite the opposite -- kindness demonstrates a basic decency and respect that reflects a willingness to get along even when you disagree.

You’ve all heard the old saying that nice people finish last. Not true. Nice people can and often do finish first. No one wants to work with or do business with someone that treats them rudely or disrespectfully. Practice these habits until they become second nature:

First, be kind to yourself. You’ll find being nice to others easier if you build your self-respect with positive thoughts about your personality and achievements.

Treat everyone with respect. Don’t worry about who’s on top. Treat everyone the way you want to be treated, regardless of their position or job title.

Share credit where it is due.

Say no when necessary. You can’t do everything. But when you do say no, be polite and positive.

Plant seeds of kindness. Do something nice every day, even when your kindness may not have an immediate payoff.

Complete the statement: “If I were a kinder person, I would ...” and then act on it.

Set your sights on another. Pick a person and make him or her the recipient of a random act of kindness. Small acts often work wonders. Give a compliment. Offer help to someone struggling with their work. Share an inexpensive treat you know he or she will like. You’ll likely lift the spirits of the other person as well as yourself.

Kindness works everywhere: in the office and at home, even on the farm! Great Britain’s Newcastle University found that cattle treated with care and a "more personal touch" tended to produce more milk for farmers. Newcastle’s School of Agriculture studied over 500 farmers across the U.K. and found that cows given names by their owners gave over 50 percent more milk than cattle that were nameless. Yep, we all want to feel special.

Dale Carnegie, who made a fortune writing about how to make friends and influence people, liked to tell the following story:

“Years ago, when I was a barefoot boy walking through the woods to a country school out in northwest Missouri, I read a fable about the sun and the wind. They quarreled about which was the stronger, and the wind said, ‘I’ll prove I am. See the old man down there with a coat? I bet I can get his coat off him quicker than you can.’

“So the sun went behind a cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him.

“Finally, the wind calmed down and gave up, and then the sun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man. Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat.

"The sun then told the wind that gentleness and kindness were always stronger than fury and force.”

Mackay’s Moral: If you are too busy to be kind, you are too busy.