The Duke of Wellington, the brilliant British military leader who defeated Napoleon at Waterloo, was a great commander, but he was a difficult man to serve under. He was a demanding perfectionist who complimented his subordinates only on rare occasions.

In retirement, Wellington was asked by a visitor what, if anything, he would do differently if he had his life to live over again.

The old duke thought for a moment and then said, “I’d give people I worked with more praise.”

Can you tell I was a history major in college?

There’s a lot of power in praising people. British novelist Arnold Bennett had a publisher who boasted often about the outstanding work of his assistant. Waiting on an appointment one day at the publisher’s office, Bennett approached her with a smile and asked: “Your boss claims you’re extremely efficient. What is your secret?”

“It’s not my secret,” the assistant said. “It’s his.”

She explained that the publisher never failed to acknowledge and appreciate every task she performed, no matter how routine or seemingly insignificant. Because of his attention and praise, she took great pains to deliver good work all the time.

When you sincerely praise someone -- and there has to be truth in that praise -- something amazing often takes place. Something starts to grow and change in the other person, and your relationship often becomes deeper and more fulfilling as a result.

My good friend, the late leadership guru Warren Bennis, said: “In experiment after experiment, the workers who thought they were doing better did better.

“In one experiment, 10 people were given puzzles to solve. They were all given fictitious results. Half were told they had done well. The other half were told they had done poorly. They were then given a second test, and this time they all did as well or as poorly as they were told on the first test.”

With all the praise and recognition employees seem to crave, you think it wouldn’t matter where or how you give it. But it matters a lot. Managers who don’t bother to get to know their employees on a personal level will not be successful at this task. A shy individual may cringe if recognized publicly; others may take great pride in being honored in front of their peers. Managers must also avoid the appearance of favoritism by considering how much public praise they give the same people time and again.

So, should you go easy on the praise to avoid offending someone? No, you should instead learn enough about your employees to be able to tailor your praise to their situations.

Everyone likes a pat on the back and a hearty “well done.” Making praise a truly effective motivational tool requires a little planning. The purpose of workplace praise is to improve productivity and reinforce positive behavior. Keep these notions in mind as you hand out the compliments.

-- Be specific. Don’t just offer cliches or platitudes. For instance, if you’re pleased with how Susan satisfied a complaining customer, don’t just say, “You handled that well.” Give some detail that tells her exactly what she did right: “You were wise to let the customer vent his anger and then offer good, constructive solutions.”

-- Be honest. Employees know when you’re faking it. Don’t offer praise unless you can do it sincerely. Passing out superficial praise can hurt your credibility instead of improving performance and morale.

-- Be timely. Praise loses its impact if it’s not delivered close to the event. Don’t save it for the monthly luncheon. Tell the person what you appreciate right away. And take your time. Don’t rush away once you’ve delivered your message. Let the other person enjoy it for a while.

-- Be balanced. Like anything else, praise loses its effectiveness if it’s overused. On the other hand, its power diminishes if it’s underused. Give extra attention to new employees, those who seem to lack confidence or team members testing the waters with new assignments. Focus on those making an extra effort, accomplishing a difficult task or exhibiting behavior you want others to emulate.

-- Be encouraging. Praise makes people feel good, and it also reinforces behavior. Express your hope that the person will continue doing praiseworthy work. Thank the person for his or her efforts. This helps send the message that you’ll like to see the person’s performance keep improving along the same lines.

Mackay’s Moral: Well-deserved praise improves the best of days.

A lovely little girl was holding two apples in her hands. Her mom came in and softly asked her little daughter with a smile: My sweetie, could you share one of your apples with Mommy?"

The girl looked up at her mom for a few seconds, and then suddenly took a quick bite of one apple, and then a bite of the other. Her mom froze and tried hard not to reveal her disappointment. Had she raised such a selfish child?

Then the little girl handed one of her bitten apples to her mom, and said: “Mommy, here you are. This is the sweetest one.”

No matter who you are, how experienced you are and how knowledgeable you think you are, always delay judgment. Give others the privilege to explain themselves. What you see may not be the reality. Never conclude for others. Perception can be misleading.

If what you see is what you get, make sure that what you see is the whole picture, not just a small slice of it. And if you can’t see the forest for the trees, just imagine what you are missing.

Our preconceptions can dramatically alter the way we perceive the world. There is a saying attributed to the writer Anais Nin that reflects this idea: “We don’t see things as they are; we see them as we are.”

I think that is pure genius. Our own experiences and education can cause us to see events through a very different lens from the person sitting next to us, even though we are watching the same event.

Prime example: eyewitness testimony in criminal cases. Time and again, conflicting stories surface from bystanders who have no reason to lie. What they saw was simply not the same thing as the next person’s observations. It’s a constant challenge for law enforcement, trial lawyers and judges.

The Roman poet Phaedrus said: “Things are not always what they seem; the first appearance deceives many; the intelligence of a few perceives what has been carefully hidden.”

I have another way of saying this in my speeches: Things are not necessarily as we perceive them to be. I often share the story of the man and his son who are in a car accident and are badly injured. The younger man needs emergency surgery. But at the hospital, the surgeon says, “I cannot operate on this person. He is my son.” But wait, wasn’t the father injured too?

You would be amazed at how many people, in this day and age, have not figured out that the surgeon is in fact the boy's mother. When I first started using this example some years back, almost no one made the connection. Now it’s probably 50-50. Perceptions change, but not always as quickly as reality.

One of my favorite characters in literature is Sherlock Holmes. His conclusions are based on an extremely well-developed sense of perception. Consider this example, which is certainly not from the canonical texts:

Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they bed down for the night and go to sleep.

A while later, Holmes wakes up and notices something remarkable. He nudges his tent mate and inquires, “Watson, tell me what you see.”

A sleepy Watson mumbles, “I see millions of stars.”

Holmes asks, “And what does that tell you?”

Watson rubs his eyes and thinks about what Holmes is asking. After a minute, he replies, “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes responds, “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent!”

Mackay’s Moral: First impressions are important. But lasting impressions are more important.

An executive was having difficulty with her assistant, so she decided to confront her.

“Nancy,” she began, “you don’t seem to be into your work. The letters you type are full of errors, rarely do you get to work on time, and why don’t you ever answer the phone?”

“The answer to the last part is easy,” the assistant responded. “I quit answering the phone because nine times out of 10, it’s for you!”

Now there is an employee who is probably not going to get very far!

Whether you are starting out in your career or just want to improve, you need to earn the trust of your bosses and co-workers.

No matter how much workplaces have changed over the years, there are still some basic guidelines to follow that will help you stand out. These are some of the most important lessons I can offer.

-- Arrive on time consistently. Yes, sometimes the traffic is bad or mass transit runs late. Train yourself to arrive at work within a specific window so people don’t have to guess when you’re coming in -- or whether you’re coming in at all.

-- Dress appropriately. Take note of how your co-workers dress, and follow their lead. You don’t want to be too formal, but sloppy clothes and poor personal hygiene can mark you as unserious or unprofessional.

-- Introduce yourself effectively. Practice a quick introduction -- no more than 30 seconds -- so you can make a good first impression on the people you meet. Remember to look people in the eye and give them a nice, warm handshake.

-- Remember names. Make an effort to keep people’s names in your mind. You’ll impress them and show that you’re paying attention. The best way is to repeat their names a few times when you first meet to lock the name in your head, or write it down at your first opportunity.

-- Stay organized. If you’re scrambling to find things on your desk or are always late for meetings, you’ll look scatter-brained and undependable. Set up a system for tracking information and managing your time so you’re always on top of things.

-- Use email professionally. Keep in mind that your email at work belongs to your employer, not to you. Write every email as if it might be read aloud in court. You don’t want a flippant remark or a bad joke coming back to haunt you.

-- Share the credit generously. Collaborate with your co-workers as much as possible, and let your boss and other people know they’ve helped you. No one wants to work with someone who hogs all the accolades, but people are happy to cooperate with a co-worker who’s generous with the credit for a job well done.

-- Talk to your boss. Make time to check in with your manager when you don’t have a problem to report or a question to ask. Don’t monopolize their time, but make contact to offer a suggestion about a project or ask for feedback. Let the boss know you are interested and eager.

-- Volunteer. Don’t wait for your manager to ask you about joining a committee or task force. Jump at the opportunity to be in contact with colleagues outside your department and build your image throughout the organization.

-- Go above and beyond. If you really want to impress people, accept responsibility that others might have backed away from or didn’t want. Never pass up an opportunity to show your willingness to learn and work hard. There will always be a place for the person who says, “I’ll take care of it” and then does, in fact, take care of it.

-- Don’t give up. Stick with your projects and get them finished, preferably on time. Show your managers that they can rely on you to keep your commitments.

-- Network. Get to know the most talented people in your organization regardless of their titles. Don’t ask them for help -- rather, offer to help them when you can. This builds positive relationships and earns you a reputation as someone who puts the organization’s objectives first.

-- Keep learning. I’m an advocate for lifelong learning, and I strongly encourage people to keep their brains fresh by learning both on and off the job. Be curious. Delve into subjects that will make you a more valuable employee.

Someone once asked Michelangelo at age 88 when he was going to retire. He answered, “Whenever I stop learning.”

These are habits you will use for life, no matter what job or title you hold. Good workplace etiquette will never go out of style.

Mackay’s Moral: Put your best foot forward to get a leg up in business.