We all get angry at work sometimes.

Conflicts in the workplace can get out of hand when people stop listening to each other and instead concentrate on defending their positions. The late management guru Peter Drucker said, “The only things that evolve by themselves in an organization are disorder, friction and malperformance.”

In my opinion, the three are closely related. And most of those issues are caused by friction -- workplace conflicts. Serious office feuds can really hurt productivity. It’s hard to use a computer when you’re wearing boxing gloves.

But conflict in the workplace doesn’t have to turn into full-scale war. Smart managers don’t let their emotions get out of control. Smart employees also need to keep their tempers in check. Before exploding at an employee or co-worker, remember the following advice:

Listen to their story. You have to get problems out in the open before you can resolve them. Much of the time, an employee simply wants to be heard. Sit back and let the person speak. Employees will be more willing to listen to other points of view once they’ve had a chance to express their feelings. And if you realize you’re not saying anything constructive, stop talking. Let the other person continue until he or she realizes you’ve disengaged from the power struggle.

Pay attention to your behavior. What’s your tone of voice? What is your body language saying to the other person? Focusing on your reactions and emotions will help you stay calm. Try to discern whether the other person wants something from you that he or she isn’t asking for.

Identify the real problem. Often the stated reason for a disagreement masks a hidden issue. You might be upset when an employee misses a deadline, but the root cause of your anger may be a perceived lack of respect for you. Ask yourself and the other person (or people), “What’s really getting in the way of a solution here?” Find the real obstacle and you’ll be in a much better position to remove it.

Focus on the big picture. Disputes can be messy, with problems overlapping each other. Don’t get too involved in the details, but keep an eye on the overall impact of the problem. Once the main issues are on the table, trivial disagreements tend to disappear.

Don’t push too fast. Even when the solution is obvious, don’t suggest it too quickly. People need time to process their feelings about the situation. An employee may want the other person to understand how he or she feels. Solving the problem in five minutes won’t create a real sense of resolution. If possible, take some time to discuss options and think things over before offering advice or imposing a solution.

Take responsibility for communication. As a manager or employee, you have to clear the air -- even if the other person tries to let the problem drop. Insist on an open, honest dialogue that lets everyone express his or her needs and opinions honestly.

Stay positive. Take a deep breath and try to control the impulse that makes you fight back. Try to find something positive, if nothing else, just the fact that you’re gaining experience dealing with conflict.

Focus on the here and now. Don’t bring up problems or disagreements from the past. Stick to the present situation. Keep words like “always” and “never” out of the conversation -- such as “You’re always late to work” -- to avoid blowing the argument out of proportion.

Ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or happy?” In some cases, being right may be more important -- when dealing with safety issues, for instance. In other situations, you might be better off letting the other person “win.” Be gracious in any event.

As my mother used to say, you don’t have to like someone, but you have to get along.

Two managers didn’t like each other, and made it clear to everyone by finger-pointing and name calling. When problems arose, they took great pleasure in blaming the other’s department or decision-making rather than trying to solve the problem.

It got so bad that their boss called them both in for a meeting. The insults and blame game started before they had taken their seats. But the boss put an abrupt end to their squabbling.

She said, “Let’s just get one thing straight here. This is all my fault. I’m the one who hired both of you.”

Mackay’s Moral: Getting along goes a long way toward a productive workplace.

A minister told his congregation, “For next week’s sermon, I would like everyone to read the 17th chapter of Mark from your Bible. This will help you fully understand my topic on an important sin.”

The following Sunday, the minister opened his sermon with “Now, how many of you have read Mark 17 this week, as I asked?” Nearly all the hands went up.

The minister smiled. “Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the subject of lying.”

I hope this isn’t a sermon, but I would like to discuss lying, because it seems to have become more prevalent. When did it become so easy for people to lie?

I’m a big "Seinfeld" fan, and I well remember the episode where Jason Alexander’s character, George Costanza, says, “Jerry, just remember -- it’s not a lie if you believe it.”

Maybe that’s the problem. A lot of people don’t have a problem with a “white” lie or a fabrication, but it’s still a lie and has consequences. A white lie soon gets tanned from exposure. I like to say that if you lie, you better have a good memory.

People lie for a variety of reasons. Fear of punishment is a natural reaction, an excuse often offered by children. Another is escaping embarrassment and at the same time improving your image to impress or mislead others. This is where ego comes into play. People want to be seen as good, polite and successful.

People also like to protect themselves or someone else from harm. You don’t want to get a family member or co-worker in trouble, so you lie for them to keep them out of danger. Let’s face it; some people just lie for the thrill of it. And we all know someone who just seems to have a problem with the truth -- it’s like they just can’t help themselves.

Sadly, we live in a time where lying isn’t treated as seriously as it should be.

Businesses must be honest if they want to survive. Truth is a virtue that must be taught at a young age, long before a first job. It should never be optional.

Pamela Meyer, author of “Liespotting,” gave a TEDTalk about how to spot a liar. She claims we are lied to between 10 and 200 times every day. She also says that four out of every 10 things our children tell us are lies. Two out of every 10 things we tell our spouses are lies.

Research by McGill University found that by age 3, roughly 40 percent of children begin telling lies -- even though they know it is wrong. Fortunately, most tots aren’t great liars. Studies conducted all over the world revealed that when pressed for more information, children will often betray their own deception with a smile or other facial expressions, or by uttering the truth. However, once these children turn 4 years old, 74 percent of them will engage in telling lies and become better at maintaining their falsehoods when questioned.

Researchers believe that children under 4 take their cues on honesty from parental examples. As they grow older, their attitude toward truth telling versus lying is influenced by the consequences attached to the information. An older child may be willing to accuse a sibling, but won’t own his or her share of the blame in a misdeed.

What can parents do? Start addressing the situation when your children are young. Share stories that have a moral with little ones so they have an example that is easy to understand and remember. Use positive reinforcements to stress the importance of honesty when they are communicating and sharing information with you -- even when that information isn’t good. Finally, be a role model for honesty, because children are watching everything you do.

A businessman walking down the street noticed three young girls arguing about a puppy they’d found. “What’s going on here?” he asked.

“We found this lost puppy and we all want to take him home,” one little girl said. “So, we’re having a contest,” a second girl chimed in.

“Whoever tells the biggest lie gets to keep him!” the third girl said.

“What?” the businessman asked. “Lying is a terrible thing, girls. Why, I’m over 50, and I’ve never told a single lie in my life!”

The girls looked at each other. “OK, mister,” the first girl said. “You win.”

Mackay’s Moral: Those who cook up stories usually find themselves in hot water.

Quotes, aphorisms, proverbs or whatever you want to call them -- I’m a junkie. I picked up the habit from my father, who was an Associated Press journalist. Readers of my nationally syndicated column will recognize them as morals.

They need to be short, snappy and to the point. A good moral or proverb must teach a lesson, and I am not offended when I hear they are readers' favorite part of my column. Readers tell me that my morals are displayed on their refrigerators, company bulletin boards, auto dashboards and office walls.

One of my sources is reading proverbs from around the world, since we know so many of the American proverbs. Do some of these sound familiar? People who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. Look before you leap. Two heads are better than one. A friend in need is a friend indeed. An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Don’t judge a book by its cover. If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Strike while the iron is hot. Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today.

My only problem is that I have collected so many that I will never be able to attach all of them to a column or book chapter. And I think these messages can stand alone, even though I would love to expand on them! Here are some of the best ones I’ve found from around the world. If you want to read more, a good resource is “Proverbs From Around the World,” compiled by Norma Gleason.

A wise man changes his mind; a fool never will. -- Spanish

He is bad who will not take advice, but he is a thousand times worse who takes every advice. -- Irish

The thief is sorry that he is to be hanged, not that he is a thief. -- English

It is easy to forget a kindness, but one remembers unkindness. -- Indian

Fear less, hope more. Eat less, chew more. Sigh less, breathe more. Hate less, love more, and all good things are yours. -- Swedish

Don’t believe everything you hear, nor tell all that you know. -- Italian

He who goes unpunished never learns. -- Greek

Where there is no shame, there is no honor. -- West African

A good conscience makes a soft pillow. -- German

If you strike mud against the wall, even though it does not stick, it will leave a mark. -- Arab

The less one thinks, the more one speaks. -- French

If you play around the beehive, you must expect to be stung. -- Greek

He who has everything is content with nothing. -- French

The sky is the same color wherever you go. -- Persian

That which one cannot have, one should not desire. -- Swedish

What is impossible to change is best to forget. -- Slavic

One cannot help many, but many can help one. -- Chinese

To make excuses before they are needed is to blame one’s self. -- Spanish

Ask the experienced rather than the learned. -- Arab

To know the road ahead, ask those coming back. -- Chinese

An old broom knows the dirty corners best. -- Irish

Water and words are easy to pour, but impossible to recover. -- Chinese

Opportunities you have missed will not return. -- West African

Hours once lost cannot be regained. -- Slavic

You can hardly make a friend in a year, but you can easily offend one in an hour. -- Chinese

A man cannot become perfect in 100 years; but he may become corrupt in less than a day. -- Chinese

One who grabs too much may lose it all. -- Swedish

Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. -- French

The future belongs to him who knows how to wait. -- Russian

Fall seven times, stand up the eighth time. -- Japanese

Pride leaves home on horseback, but returns on foot. -- German

If only one knows it, it is a secret; if two know it, it is public. -- Indian

The sword wounds the body, but words wound the soul. -- Arab

Two good talkers are not worth one good listener. -- Chinese

Whoever cares to learn will always find a teacher. -- German

The one who saves something has something. -- Swedish

Liars need good memories. -- French

Scales tell us what is light and heavy, but not what is gold and silver. -- German

The man who knows the price of everything knows the value of nothing. -- Irish

Intelligence consists in recognizing opportunity. -- Chinese

Wonder is the beginning of wisdom. -- Greek

Mackay’s Moral: "Learning is weightless, a treasure you can always carry easily." -- Chinese