Several years ago, a seasoned plumber wrote to the U.S. Bureau of Standards promoting a new procedure for cleaning pipes. The bureau replied: “The efficiency of the recommended solution is completely undisputed. However, there is an inherent incompatibility between the aforementioned solution and the basic chemical structures of the commonly used materials in current household and commercial pipeworks.”

The plumber wrote back saying, “Thanks, I really liked it, too.”

Within a few days, the bureau responded with another letter: “Don’t use hydrochloric acid! It eats holes in pipes!”

Wouldn’t it have been so much easier -- and less expensive -- to put it simply the first time?

The word "communication" comes from the Latin "communico," meaning "share." We share ideas, thoughts, information and concerns. Communication can start friendships or make enemies.

Communication needs to be clear and understandable. Communication requires both effective sending and receiving. And if we don’t do it effectively, we have wasted our time.

Research psychologists tell us that the average 1-year-old child has a three-word vocabulary. At age 2, most children have a working knowledge of 272 words. A year later, that number more than triples. At age 6, the average child has command of 2,562 words.

As adults, our word accumulation continues to grow, but the effective use of them does not necessarily follow. We can speak up to 18,000 words each day, but that doesn’t mean those messages are clear or correctly received. In fact, words can often obscure our messages instead of clarifying them.

No one can succeed in business, or in life, for that matter, without developing good communication skills. The most basic yet crucial leadership skill is communication. It’s important to continue to evaluate your performance in these fundamental areas:

-- Speaking. Good verbal skills are essential. You must be able to explain your requests and instructions, your ideas and your strategies to people inside and outside your organization. Look for opportunities to hone your speaking skills at conferences, in meetings and among friends.

-- Listening. Pay attention to the people around you. Repeat and paraphrase what they say to make sure you understand and to show that you take their opinions seriously.

-- Writing. The paper trail you leave tells people a lot about how clearly you think and express yourself. Don’t send even the simplest email without rereading it critically to be sure it says just what you want.

-- Leading meetings. You should encourage other people to share their ideas without letting discussions meander aimlessly. Sharpen your ability to keep meetings on track and elicit productive comments. Remember that every meeting should begin with a solid agenda and conclude with a commitment for action.

-- Resolving conflict. Conflict can be subtle, but you still must defuse it if you want things to get done. You’ll use a lot of the skills already discussed to encourage people to open up and clear the air about their disagreements.

-- Persuasion. The right words can stimulate agreements, offer alternate points of view, provoke thoughtful consideration and bring people around to your way of thinking. This is an especially critical skill for salespeople, which is all of us in one capacity or another.

Perhaps the most helpful advice came from Peter Drucker, the late management guru, who said, “The most important thing in communication is to hear what isn’t being said.”

Beware of misinterpreting simple messages because of your perception of the sender’s meaning or intent. Here’s an eye-opening fact: The 500 most common words in the English language have more than 14,000 definitions. That explains why so many verbal interactions often create confusion and misunderstanding.

Two people meet at an art exhibition. “What is your line of work?” asked the woman.

“I’m an artist,” came the reply.

“I’ve never met a real live artist before,” said the woman. “This is so exciting! I’ve always wanted my portrait painted. Could you do that?”

“That’s my specialty!” the artist said.

“Wonderful!” she said. “I just have one request. I want the painting done in the nude.”

The artist hesitated for a minute and then said, “I’ll have to get back to you.”

A few days later the artist called the potential customer to discuss the plan. “I’m willing to do the painting as you requested,” the artist said, “but I have one stipulation. I want to leave my socks on. I need somewhere to put my paintbrushes.”

Mackay’s Moral: It is wiser to choose what you say than say what you choose.

A famous trapeze performer and teacher was instructing his students. After full explanations and instruction in this complicated skill, he asked them to demonstrate.

However, one of the students, looking up at the insecure perch upon which he was expected to perform, was suddenly paralyzed with fear. He had a terrifying vision of falling to the ground and being seriously injured. Frozen with fear, he was unable to move a muscle.

“I can't do it! I can't do it!” he cried.

The instructor put his arm around the boy's shoulder and said quietly, “Son, you can do it, and I will tell you how.” Speaking slowly and with conviction, he said, “Throw your heart over the bar and your body will follow.”

That is what the boy did, and he turned in a performance on the bar high above the ground that surprised even him. He was never afraid again.

If you are human, you will feel fear, says psychologist Tara Brach, author of “Radical Acceptance.” But often what makes fear powerful is our resistance to it, such as when we brush it away as if it doesn’t really exist, or pretend that we don’t feel what we really feel. Instead, Brach says, a better approach is to accept that we are feeling fear (or anger, or whatever emotion you might be struggling with) and acknowledge it. Say to yourself, “Yes, I am afraid of making a mistake at work.” Follow up with a statement to yourself such as, “I accept this fear of making mistakes.”

That has been my mantra since I followed my dream to own a factory. I was fraught with fear of making mistakes, but somehow convinced myself that making a mistake was a temporary setback, one that I could eventually overcome.

Success usually depends on overcoming our fears: fear of taking a risk, fear of asserting yourself, fear of exposing your deepest self to other people and, ultimately, fear of failure. But for some people, the real fear is -- success itself.

Have you ever thought that perhaps being afraid and uncomfortable can be a positive sign? Dr. Larina Kase, author of a piece appearing in the book “Life’s Missing Instruction Manual,” by Joe Vitale, says that when you feel afraid and anxious it can be a sign that you are stretching yourself to get over your fears.

Kase also recommends that when you are feeling afraid, start the practice of doing the opposite of your instincts. This, she says, will help you start to eliminate your fear and improve your life. Avoiding your fears, she says, is one sure way of making them grow. And the more your discomfort grows, the more you will not live up to your potential as a human being.

Fear of failure can be crippling, but fear of success can paralyze your efforts just as severely. Avoiding success may seem irrational, but success brings change, and change is usually threatening. Success can bring some unsettling worries, but that is fatalistic thinking.

I prefer to take the position that success breeds success.

So, what aspect of success are you fearful of?

Expectations of continued success? Achieving a major goal is hard work. What happens if people expect you to keep doing it indefinitely? Forget about others’ perceptions and expectations. Wouldn’t you rather they expect you to continue to be successful than a one-hit wonder?

Higher stakes? Once you’ve reached a certain pinnacle, what if others will look at you differently? They’ll expect you to continue doing higher-quality work, and you may worry that you are incapable of it. Instead, build on what you have learned and find ways to improve. Keep growing your skills and see how far you can really go.

More attention? People may look to you for advice or assistance once you’ve proved you can succeed. You may worry that you will lose control over your time or privacy. But look on the flipside: Being asked to be a mentor is not only a great compliment, it is a badge of honor. Take pride in the knowledge that others look up to you because of your hard-won success.

Making enemies? Some people delight in taking down successful people. You may worry about having to defend yourself from envious or hostile peers. Let your successes speak for you. When you keep producing, they will be exposed for what they are.

Mackay’s Moral: Would you rather live in fear or bask in success?

A young woman was waiting for her flight at a big airport, so she decided to buy a book to read and a packet of cookies to snack on. She sat down in an armchair in a VIP lounge to relax and read in peace. A man sat down in the next seat, opened his magazine and started reading. When she took out the first cookie, the man took one also. She felt irritated, but said nothing.

For each cookie she took, the man also took one. This infuriated her, but she didn’t want to cause a scene. When only one cookie remained, she thought to herself, “What will this rude man do now?”

Then the man, taking the last cookie, divided it into half, giving her one half. That was too much! She was really angry now. In a huff, she took her book, the rest of her things and stormed off to board the plane. When she sat down in her seat on the plane, she looked into her purse to take out her reading glasses, and to her surprise, her packet of cookies was there, untouched and unopened. She felt so ashamed. She realized that she was wrong.

The man had shared his cookies with her willingly, while she had been very angry, thinking that he was helping himself to her cookies. And now there was no chance to explain herself, nor to apologize.

Have you ever lost your cool and then realized later that you were in the wrong? I’m sure that most of us have. Let’s save ourselves some embarrassment and make sure that we are in possession of all the facts before reacting.

Dale Carnegie said: “When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but creatures of emotions.”

Actor Will Smith expanded on that, saying: “(W)e do not care what's true. We care how it feels.”

We all get angry at work sometimes. If your buttons get pushed, you might need to practice some relaxation techniques so you don’t lose control. According to the American Psychological Association, a few simple relaxation tools can help calm angry feelings: Deep breathing; choosing a calming phrase like “Relax” or “Take it easy” and then repeating it to yourself; visualizing a relaxing experience and practicing slow, yogalike exercises to relax your muscles and calm your nerves.

Smart people don’t let their emotions get out of control. Before exploding at work, remember this advice.

-- Pay attention to your behavior. What’s your tone of voice? What is your body language saying to the other person? Focusing on your reactions and emotions will help you stay calm.

-- Watch and listen. What do the other person’s tone and body language tell you? Try to discern whether the other person wants something from you that he or she isn’t asking for. For example, an employee may be afraid to challenge a manager directly. Ask if there’s something more going on.

-- Stay positive. With a deep breath or two, try to control the impulse that makes you fight back. Try to find something positive, even just the fact that you’re gaining experience dealing with conflict.

-- Focus on the here and now. Don’t bring up problems or disagreements from the past. Stick to the present situation. Keep words like “always” and “never" out of the conversation to avoid blowing the argument out of proportion.

-- Ask yourself, “Would I rather be right or happy?” In some cases, being right may be more important, such as dealing with safety issues. In other situations, you might be better off letting the other person win. It’s never productive to let stubbornness get in the way of listening to another point of view.

-- Take responsibility for communication. You must clear the air -- even if the other person tries to let the problem drop. Insist on an open, honest dialogue that lets everyone express his or her needs and opinions honestly.

Mackay’s Moral: Don’t let your emotions get the best of you; let them show the best of you.