life

More Insightful Humor!

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | April 16th, 2018

We all need to laugh more, especially around tax time! I received so many positive responses to my column on humorous stories with good business lessons, I decided to do a sequel.

It’s been my experience that people remember information better when the message has a fun twist to it -- a punch line of sorts. These stories follow a similar theme: using your head and your sense of humor.

Think: It’s the hardest, most valuable task any person performs. You are driving in your car on a wicked stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1) An older woman who looks as if she is about to die; 2) An old friend who once saved your life; and 3) The perfect man or woman of your dreams. Which one would you choose to offer a ride, knowing there could only be one passenger in your car?

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the elderly woman because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the ideal chance to repay him. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream person again.

The candidate who was hired out of 200 applicants had no trouble coming up with the answer. He said: “I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the elderly woman to the hospital. Then I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams.”

It’s easier to change your own mind than to have someone change it for you.

I love the story about two elk hunters who were flown to a remote valley in Alaska. By the end of the hunt, they had bagged four elk, and their pilot returned to take them out of the valley.

When the pilot saw the four elk, he said, "There's a problem. The plane can only carry two elk."

The hunters were outraged. They said, "Listen, we were here last year. The plane that carried us out was the same, the weather was the same, and we had four elk then too."

The pilot said, "OK, I guess you know best." So, they loaded up the plane and took off. The plane started climbing out of the valley, but it began to lose altitude, the engine sputtered and, finally, it crashed. As they stumbled from the wreckage, one hunter asked the other if he knew where they were.

He said, "I don't know for sure ... but I think we're about a mile from where we crashed last year."

Ask the right question to get the best answer. A carpenter entered a doctor’s office. The receptionist asked him why he was there.

“I have shingles,” the carpenter replied. And so, a nurse was summoned.

“Why are you here today?” she asked the carpenter.

“I have shingles,” was the answer.

She took his blood pressure, temperature, height, weight, and told him to change into a gown and wait for the doctor.

When the doctor came in, the carpenter told him again, “I have shingles.”

“Where?” the doctor asked.

By now, the carpenter was losing his patience. “Where do you think? Outside, in my truck.”

Those who don’t know don’t know they don’t know. A classic story illustrates this point. A minister, a Boy Scout and a computer executive were flying to a meeting in a small private plane. About halfway to their destination, the pilot came back and announced that the plane was going to crash and that there were only three parachutes for the four people.

The pilot said, "I am going to use one of the parachutes because I have a wife and four small children," and he jumped.

The computer executive said, "I should have one of the parachutes because I am the smartest man in the world and my company needs me," and he jumped.

The minister turned to the Boy Scout and, smiling sadly, said, "You are young and I have lived a good, long life, so you take the last parachute and I'll go down with the plane."

The boy scout said, "Relax, reverend, the smartest man in the world just strapped on my backpack and jumped out of the plane!"

Mackay’s Moral: He or she who laughs, lasts!

life

Phone Skills to Pay the Bills

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | April 9th, 2018

The world is getting smaller every day. Thanks to advances in technology, we can be connected to points around the globe in seconds through our computers and telephones. We can even be on the other side of the world almost in person in a matter of seconds. Businesses can easily reach people and places that were inaccessible just a few years ago.

This is why I say the phone is one of the most awesome tools available. We’ve all had years and years of experience using a phone, so why are so many people bad at it?

Here are some of the techniques that I use.

First, when your call is answered, always ask if this is a good time to talk. This simple step can add years to your life -- and your career.

Get the assistant’s name if he or she answers the phone. And use their names when you talk to them. They are very important in getting your message across.

Obviously, you want to answer the phone on the second or third ring. Speak slowly and project so people can understand. When I switch to speakerphone, I want to make sure the connection is still acceptable. Try not to interrupt. Don’t get distracted when you are on the phone. Focus on the caller. Listen to what they have to say. Turn your cellphone ringer off on important calls when talking on your office line. Be sensitive to the tone of your voice. Don’t eat, chew gum or shuffle papers.

When someone calls you on the telephone, you should always greet the person pleasantly. Your pleasure at talking to this person must be evident in your voice. I ask our employees at MackayMitchell Envelope Company to answer the telephone with a smile because you can hear it in a voice. You want every customer to feel like they are your most important customer and virtually the only customer you have.

Try to start every phone conversation with good news, even when you have bad news to report. Also, have a good close. Have an agenda of what you want to accomplish. Every crucial phone call should have clarity of focus and clarity of purpose. Think through what you want to say and discuss before you even make a call. That’s how you build a network.

Start early in your career to keep track of the 100 to 300 most important people in your network. Find out their birthdays and call them every year on their special day. If you work in sales, make sure to call your customers on their birthdays. You won’t believe how much business you will write up.

I was one of the first people to get a car phone, and now it is hands-free. Driving is every salesperson's biggest time-waster. I'll do anything to make the time more productive, so I stopped making cold calls. I called ahead to make sure the buyer was in.

I never leave my name for a return phone call without a designated time I can be reached. Don’t risk playing telephone tag. I don't care to squander my time any more than the other person cares to squander his or hers.

And this is especially crucial: If my assistant or gatekeeper answers the call, I make sure they say, “Mr. Mackay is expecting your call.” This makes the caller feel special.

Can’t get a call back? Leave a message no one can ignore. I picked up this tip from my Florida Realtor. Start with your name, day, date and time, and then a pledge: “Leave your name and number, and I guarantee I will call you back within 24 hours. If I fail to do so, I will make a $100 contribution to your favorite charity -- as long as the charity is not you.”

Keep to a schedule whenever possible. Minimize interruptions by returning phone calls at a specific time of day. For me, it’s usually the end of the day. Of course, you will need to take some calls, but those that aren’t urgent, you can return when you have time to best deal with them.

I’ll let you make the call: How important are your phone skills to your career?

Mackay’s Moral: Don’t let your phone skills be a hang-up.

life

A Grab-Bag of Humorous Morsels

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | April 2nd, 2018

Life is funny. As a businessman, public speaker and author, I especially love clever stories with a message because they make important points more memorable.

Over the years I have collected a filing cabinet full of great material. Since April is National Humor Month, I thought I would package up some of my favorites, which cover a variety of topics. Enjoy!

Unless you are a one-person shop, teamwork is not optional. This story says it all:

A minivan pulled into the only remaining campsite. Four youngsters leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up a tent. Two kids then rushed off with their dad to gather firewood, and two others helped their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the father, "That is some impressive display of teamwork."

"Actually," the father replied, "I have a system. No one goes to the bathroom until camp is set up."

It's all a matter of perspective. When you wake up every day, you have two choices. You can either be positive or negative; an optimist or a pessimist.

It's like the two salesmen who fell on hard times and ended up broke in a small town in Montana. They needed money to move on and learned that the town paid $20 each for wolf pelts. They sensed an opportunity. That night, they set out with a couple of clubs and some borrowed supplies and made camp in the distant hills. They were no sooner asleep than one was startled by an eerie howl. He crawled outside the tent to find himself surrounded by hundreds of snarling wolves. Back into the tent he crawled and shook his buddy.

"Wake up!" he cried. "Wake up! We're rich!"

Believe in yourself, even when no one else does. At the end of a particularly frustrating practice one day, a football coach dismissed his players by yelling, "Now all you idiots, go take a shower!" All but one player headed toward the locker room. The coach glared at him and asked why he was still there.

"You told all the idiots to go, sir," the player replied, "and there sure seems to be a lot of them. But I am not an idiot."

Confident? You bet. And smart enough to coach that team someday.

Take care of the customers you have, and they’ll take care of you. A man who had lived an exemplary life died and was given a preview of heaven and hell. In heaven, people were peaceful, serene and smiling. In hell, he was given a stretch limo, the best of food and drink and an endless list of parties. He chose hell.

As soon as he walked through the gates, the devil began flogging him with a whip and he was thrown into a fiery chasm. “Wait!” he said. “Yesterday I was treated like a king, and now this. Why?”

“Ah,” said the devil. “Yesterday, you were a prospect. Today, you’re a customer.”

If you’re not in it to win it, you’ve already lost. Determination is what keeps us hammering away. It’s like the young high school sophomore who was doing his best to land a job for the summer.

“Look here,” said the office manager, “aren't you the same young man who was in here a week ago?”

“Yes, sir,” said the applicant.

“I thought so. And didn't I tell you then that I wanted an older person?”

“Yes, sir,” said the young man. “That's why I'm back. I'm older now.”

Every survival kit should include a sense of humor. Albert Einstein’s driver used to sit at the back of the hall during each of his lectures. After a period of time, the driver said to the famous scientist, “Boss, I’ve heard you give that speech so many times ... I could give it in my sleep.”

So, at the next lecture, Einstein and the driver switched places, with Einstein sitting in the back, dressed in the driver's uniform. The driver gave the lecture flawlessly. At the end of the lecture, a member of the audience asked a detailed scientific question. Without missing a beat, the “lecturer” replied, “Well, the answer to that question is so simple, I’m going to let my chauffeur who is sitting in the back answer it.”

Mackay’s Moral: You can take your work seriously, but be careful not to take yourself too seriously.

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