When you offer criticism, be aware of whom you are criticizing, how you are delivering it and how they might receive it.

Case in point: A number of years ago, my son David was entering his senior year at Stanford University. He thought it might be fun to spend his last college summer freewheeling in San Francisco, working five or six shifts a week as a waiter. He figured he would earn enough money to really enjoy his leisure hours. He was pretty driven, and interviewed at a swanky brand-new restaurant called Stars, being opened by renowned chef Jeremiah Tower. It was scheduled to open three weeks later. Stars was a posh restaurant with a great location, catering to San Francisco’s elite.

David figured that what he lacked in experience, he could make up in enthusiasm and education. He got the job and started training a few days later surrounded by experienced, sophisticated servers twice his age with resumes at some of the best restaurants in the country. After three weeks of intensive training, the restaurant opened.

Things were going great and David was rewarded with generous tips. One night alone, he made more than a month’s rent. That same night, the headwaiter pointed out a classic service error to my son: failing to clear unused glassware. If someone wasn’t drinking wine or water, their glasses should be removed from the table. David told me this was like finding a needle in a haystack, considering that each place setting had three glasses even before anyone sat down -- add cocktails to that and a table of six would start out with 24 crystal glasses.

After the restaurant was open to the public for a week or so, my wife and I came to town and decided to check out the new restaurant and let David experience it from the other side, as a customer. He would have a chance to sample some of the food, assess the service and, in turn, become a better server himself.

My wife, Carol Ann, who has her master's in cooking and a doctorate in ordering, got the ball rolling with five questions regarding the menu selections. It seemed like we ordered almost everything on the menu. Carol Ann pointed out to us that the dressing on the salad was particularly oily, with much less vinegar than normal vinaigrette. Then when the entrees came, the food was not very hot. It was tepid at best. Everything was edible, but not spectacular. My veal stew was particularly bland.

The next day at work, David went right up to Jeremiah Tower and described the little experiment he’d done. First off, David asked him about the “oily salad dressing.” The chef explained that he thought that a heavy vinegar dressing was too hard on the palate, too early in the meal, so he created a dressing that was “soft on the palate.”

“Great, great!” David said, “This will be very helpful to know as a front waiter.”

As he turned to leave, David continued, “One more thing ... The food wasn’t very hot. Are you concerned that people might burn their tongues?”

“What?” exclaimed Tower. “The food should be piping hot, and it’s your job as a server to get it out there quickly!”

“Yes, sir, you got it. I will,” David said. So now he’s thinking he is two for two in valuable, practical observations.

The head chef again turned to leave, but David stopped him in his tracks. “Oh, one more thing. I wanted to talk to you about the veal stew ... I found it somewhat bland.” At this point, Tower looked David in the eye, then spun on his heels and marched into the kitchen.

David’s shift that night went well -- 20 percent in tips from seemingly very satisfied customers. At the end of the night, as he was tallying up his earnings, the headwaiter came up to him and mentioned that twice that evening he had failed to clear glassware. He was fired, effective immediately.

David was crushed. He had poured his heart into this job. As he was walking to the cable car, he heard a voice shout out his name. He turned around to see the headwaiter, jogging up to him. He looked upset and he quietly said, “David, it wasn’t the glassware. Next time, just be careful what you say to the head chef.”

Mackay’s Moral: Never tell a mother her baby is ugly.

Anyone who doesn’t understand the value of one minute hasn’t been paying attention to my good friend Ken Blanchard. Starting with his “One Minute Manager” and moving through a series of best-sellers, he has shown his millions of fans how just 60 seconds can improve your chances for success.

Good news -- he’s at it again, this time with “One Minute Mentoring,” a must-read for folks looking for some help and those who are prepared to offer it. He’s teamed up with Claire Diaz-Ortiz, a former Twitter executive and author of “Twitter for Good.” Their combined knowledge of intergenerational mentoring is presented in this fictional parable about the power of finding or being a mentor.

But shouldn’t mentoring be a longer process than just one minute? Ken and Claire would agree with that, but say that “the best advice we ever gave or received was given in less than a minute. In other words, the guidance that really made a difference did not come in the form of long, complex theories -- it came in short, meaningful insights.”

As one who has been on both sides of the conversation, I couldn’t agree more. I am fortunate to have learned from a variety of mentors: my father, Jack Mackay, my father-in-law, Rudy Miller, my University of Minnesota golf coach Les Bolstad, my college adviser Harold Deutsch, businessman Curt Carlson, and many others. I owe much of my success to their guidance.

Understanding that I had a responsibility to give back, I have also mentored over 100 young -- and not so young -- entrepreneurs. I usually learned as much from the experience as my mentees did. And it was worth every minute.

How did we find each other? Sometimes through mutual friends or work events, even by sitting next to one another on a plane. As the authors say, “When the student is ready, a teacher appears. Mentors are all around you once you start looking for them.”

And it works both ways, they say. They encourage people to become mentors because “you won’t fully discover, appreciate or leverage what you have until you start giving it away.”

Compatibility is important, and they describe two aspects of working with someone -- essence and form. “Essence is all about sharing heart-to-heart and finding common values. Form is about structure -- how you might work together.”

Ken and Claire say that one of the biggest barriers people worry about is time: “It’s true that a mentoring relationship will take a little time, but a few hours a month is not going to do people in, especially when they realize how energizing and inspiring those few hours will be.”

They also acknowledge a couple other things that get in the way of mentoring -- fear and uncertainty. A lot of people are afraid to approach potential mentors, they say, and potential mentors may be afraid that they don’t really know how to mentor.

Added to that, uncertainty about what mentoring really is and how the relationship works scares people away. I’ve found that there isn’t a specific set of guidelines. Every mentor/mentee relationship needs to be tailored to the situation.

Ken and Claire created the MENTOR model to help people build successful relationships:

“By creating a Mission, you’ll put the relationship on solid footing.

“By deciding how to Engage, you’ll have clarity about how to work together.

“By Networking, you’ll expand your horizons.

“By building Trust, you’ll deepen the bond.

“By creating Opportunities, each of you will grow.

“And by Reviewing and renewing your partnership, you’ll know if and when your season of mentorship has ended.”

Exactly what is a “season of mentorship”? From my own experience, I can tell you that I have mentored some people for a few weeks and others for years. As their needs have changed, I have sometimes directed people to other mentors who might have different insights. I know my limitations!

Similarly, I have relied on my mentors, sometimes with months or years between those contacts. But I made a point of staying in touch so that they would realize how much I valued their help. I made sure they knew about my successes and appreciated their contributions toward my goals.

“Mentoring will take some time and intention,” Ken and Claire say. “It also takes time and intention to learn to drive -- but once you know how, you can really go places!”

Mackay’s Moral: One minute truly can change your life.

In the famous French story “The Little Prince,” a fox becomes the best friend of a young royal on a fictitious planet. When the fox must depart from the prince forever, he offers to tell him the world’s most wonderful secret if the prince meets certain conditions. The little prince agrees, does what is expected and then asks to be told the greatest secret.

“Only that which is invisible is essential,” the fox replies.

The most valuable things in life cannot be seen with the naked eye: love, friendship, hope, integrity, trust, compassion and values.

You can’t see values, touch them, taste them or smell them. Yet they are critical, intangible essentials that bring continuity and meaning to life.

And they are every bit as important for organizations as they are for individuals.

“It’s not hard to make decisions, once you know what your values are,” said Roy E. Disney.

The Walt Disney Company is the epitome of a values-driven organization. While it may be overshadowed by its retail prowess, its primary product is happiness. Its “Disney courtesy” concept is based on four key values: safety, courtesy, show and efficiency. Every one of its performance standards is based on these encompassing beliefs.

Defining your values is not just an academic exercise. “Clarifying your values is the essential first step toward a richer, fuller, more productive life,” said Carl Rogers, an American psychologist. Rogers is widely considered to be one of the founding fathers of psychotherapy research and was widely honored for his pioneering work.

If you want to clarify your own values, ask yourself these questions:

-- What do I believe in?

-- In what guiding principles can I become constructively obsessed?

-- What governs my life?

-- What do I stand for?

-- What puts meaning in my life?

-- What qualities are important for my life to be complete?

Hey, I never said this was easy! This is not a quick and dirty exercise. Values are not a spur-of-the-moment action. They are non-negotiable principles that guide our everyday lives. Your personal convictions, not those of others, determine how you live. You cannot separate personal value from personally held values.

Nor can you separate corporate value from corporate values. Customers and competitors should be able to see your values in action every day. Honesty, fairness, respect and trustworthiness are among values that should be front and center with every transaction.

The often-quoted Chinese philosopher Confucius wrote: “The rule of life is to be found within yourself. Ask yourself constantly, ‘What is the right thing to do?’ Beware of doing that which you are likely, sooner or later, to repent of having done.”

When you are in a position of having to repent, do it quickly and sincerely. That is another value that is essential to a good life: being able to admit mistakes and correcting them.

I will never forget when my good friend Lou Holtz was coaching Notre Dame in the 1989 Fiesta Bowl against West Virginia. His players learned a valuable lesson about their coach’s values that day, which resulted in a national championship.

Notre Dame was penalized on two consecutive plays for “taunting” the opposition. Despite knowing that his actions would bring another penalty, Holtz ran out on the field and asked the referee which of his players were doing the taunting, since this was before referees identified players by numbers. Then Holtz -- with a national TV audience watching -- grabbed the player and told him what was expected of him.

Holtz has always believed strongly in his players, but he demands that they follow his three simple values:

1. Do what is right. Be on time, polite, honest, remain free from drugs, and if you have any questions, get out your Bible.

2. Do everything to the best of your ability in the time allotted. Mediocrity is unacceptable when you are capable of doing better.

3. Show people you care.

Mackay’s Moral: Decide what you will stand for or you won’t have a leg to stand on.