A soldier in an ill-equipped revolutionary army lost his rifle, so he went to his group's leader for a replacement.

"What am I going to do?" asked the soldier. "We are going to have a big battle tomorrow and I don't have a rifle."

"Don't worry," said his leader. "The other side doesn't have very good weapons either, and they are so brainwashed that they believe anything they hear. Just pretend you are pointing a rifle at them and say, 'Bang! Bang!' It will have the same effect as if you fired a real rifle at them."

"OK," said the soldier skeptically. "But I lost my bayonet too."

"Do the same thing," said his leader. "When the hand-to-hand combat begins, just point your fingers like this and say, 'Stab! Stab! Stab!' You'll see it has the same effect as using a bayonet."

The soldier was even more skeptical of this advice, but there wasn't anything he could do about it. As the sun came up, the enemy came charging over the hill right at him. And he held out his imaginary rifle, saying loudly, "Bang! Bang! Bang!" To his amazement one of them dropped, then another and then another.

But suddenly he saw a particularly fierce, huge enemy soldier coming right at him. Despite his best imaginary efforts, the enemy soldier kept coming right at him until he was just a few feet away.

"Stab! Stab! Stab!" said the frightened soldier, waving his fingers right at his adversary.

But nothing worked. The enemy soldier rolled right over him, kicking him in the stomach and stepping on his face. As he went by, the enemy soldier grunted, "TANK! TANK! TANK!"

Self-confidence alone won't help you succeed, but it's hard to get started or push through the inevitable obstacles without believing in yourself first. Do you struggle with self-confidence? Almost everyone does at some point.

And while you won't likely come up against any real tanks, the obstacles can set you back if you let them. Before that happens, you need to do a few things.

-- Review your accomplishments. You've already achieved some successes in your life, right? List them, on paper if necessary, and identify the skills and strengths you've used to succeed. Consult your list whenever you feel doubt coming on.

-- Seek new knowledge. If you're lacking any of the skills you need to achieve your goals, focus on learning them. The process will remind you that you're capable of growth, and mastering the skills will give you a mental boost.

-- Face your fears. Too often, we sabotage our self-confidence by hiding from what frightens us. Identify and examine your fears so you can take action against potential setbacks. You are more powerful than what you're trying to avoid.

-- Adjust your thought patterns. Negative thinking never yields positive results. Reboot immediately if you catch yourself doing any of these: all-or-nothing thoughts ("If I don't get this job, I'll be a total failure"), seeing only the downside ("I finished the project, but what if people see how tough it was for me?"), jumping to conclusions ("Bob didn't reply to my email -- he dislikes me"), or putting yourself down. Look for the positives in every situation. You can find them if you try.

-- Pay attention to your appearance. You don't have to buy a lot of expensive clothes, but devoting some time to your wardrobe and overall grooming can make you feel better about how you present yourself. A neat, professional look inspires confidence from others, and helps you put your best foot forward.

-- Know what you want. Specific goals inspire your best efforts. You'll feel more confident and capable with a clear idea of what you want to achieve in your life and career, not someone else's idea of what's important.

My friend Norman Vincent Peale, who wrote one of my all-time favorite books, "The Power of Positive Thinking," offered this advice: "Believe in yourself. Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers, you cannot be successful or happy."

Mackay's Moral: You can't buy confidence, but you can sell it!

A son and his father are walking in the mountains. Suddenly, the boy falls, scrapes his knee and screams.

To the son's surprise, he hears his scream repeating somwhere in the mountains.

Curious, he yells, "Who are you?" He receives the same answer. Angered at the response, he screams, "Coward," and hears the same thing in return.

He looks to his father and asks, "What's going on?"

The father smiles and says, "My son, pay attention." And he screams to the mountain, "I admire you!" Again the man screams, "You are a champion," both times hearing his words echoed back to him. The boy is surprised, but does not understand.

Then the father explains: "People call this echo, but really this is life. It gives you back everything you say and do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart. If you want competence in your team, improve your competence. This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life. Life will give you back everything you have given it."

Graduation season is upon us, and today I will devote my column to those who are about to embark on a new chapter in their lives. That isn't limited to new grads, by the way -– every day is a new chapter for each of us.

Waking up every morning hoping something wonderful will happen or someone will appear who will change your life is the equivalent of letting something or someone else control your life.

You need to be in charge. You need to decide what actions you will take that will come back to you. And then, you need to integrate those actions into your daily life. That may be a tall order for someone just starting out in a career, but you do have choices.

Let me remind you of a few basic rules of life.

-- Life isn't fair. You've heard this over and over, and yet when someone else gets the promotion, makes more money or takes credit for your work, you beat yourself up wondering what happened. Don't! If the situation is beyond your control, get over it and move on to the next opportunity. Wasting time being bitter will never make you better.

-- Don't just let things happen to you when you can make things happen for you. If you need more training or education, find a way to make it happen. If you truly hate your job, figure out where the problem is and fix it if you can. If you can't, look for other employment or let your entrepreneurial instincts take over.

-- Sometimes it's risky not to take a risk. Making a dream come true only happens when you step outside your comfort zone and chart new territory. And a funny thing will happen: After you start taking small risks, you will become more comfortable taking larger -- and more rewarding -- risks.

-- Pay attention. Stay on top of trends, developments, technology and opportunities. If you can see changes ahead, you can plan and position yourself rather than reacting and regretting. Few things in business stay secret for long. Listen and observe so you can be prepared.

-- Give back. My father drilled this lesson into my head from the beginning. There is always someone somewhere who needs your help, financial support or expertise. Give without expecting anything in return. You'll benefit in ways you never anticipated.

These rules are simple enough. Following them is not. You need to decide what is truly important to you, what values you will live by. Give serious thought to how you want to live so that you can be content with what life gives you back.

For all the new graduates staring at their futures and wondering what's ahead, as well as students of life in general, my wish is that you will never feel like life just happened to you. I wish you success, happiness, wisdom in your decisions and the power to live your dreams.

Mackay's Moral: Life is what you make it. Make it great!

As we celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day, I get a little nostalgic thinking about some of the life lessons I learned from these two remarkable people in my life.

When I speak to corporate audiences, I often include a lesson about integrity and corporate ethics: "Act like your mother is watching." I've lived my life that way, and it's never failed me.

My mother was a schoolteacher who taught me the power of education. I didn't always listen eagerly, but it instilled in me a desire for continuous education throughout my life. You are not in school during childhood and adolescence; you are in school all of your life. Education is an investment, not an expense.

My father taught me about time management. I still remember him telling me if I wanted to go fishing, I should be on the dock at 2 p.m. sharp. There I was at 2:05 p.m., waving bon voyage to my dad who was driving away in the boat without his fishing buddy. Tough love, lesson learned.

There were several tough love lessons that really helped me in business. I remember one in particular:

"Just slide down the banister, and I'll catch you," he urged.

"But how do I know you'll catch me?" I asked.

"Because I'm your father, and I said I would catch you."

I slid and landed on the carpet. As I dusted myself off, my dad announced, "Be careful whom you trust when it comes to business. Remember that business is business." This bumpy lesson stuck with me and helped me make sure that any business arrangements are backed up with yards of paper. Agreements prevent disagreements.

My folks also taught me that I could make a difference in the world. They always pointed out how ordinary people did wonderful things. It only takes one person to make things better.

My dad insisted that 25 percent of my time should be spent on volunteering, advice I've continued to follow. When you volunteer, in addition to the benefit to your chosen cause, you have an unusual opportunity to hone your selling skills, learn how to run meetings, prepare reports, serve on committees, supervise others, handle rejection and many other skills that can help you in your career, all while serving your community.

One of the most powerful things you can do to influence others is to smile at them, my dad said. Not to be outdone, my mother used to tell me that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve my looks.

My dad often quoted the adage "You spend your whole lifetime building a good name and reputation, and one foolish act can destroy it."

I took his words to heart, and aside from building long-term relationships, there is nothing more important than a good reputation in building a successful business. Without a positive reputation, success is elusive. There are many people who were at the top of their game when they made one fatal mistake -- due to poor judgment, arrogance or the inability to do the right thing. Reputations are destroyed, and all the money in the world can't buy them back.

Also important, Jack Mackay taught me about networking. I was fortunate. My father headed the Associated Press in St. Paul, and was a master networker. He got me started at age 18. He sat me down and gave me the simple yet effective suggestion of putting every person I met for the rest of my life onto a Rolodex card, now called a contact management system. He told me to put a little information about each person on the back of the card, and to update it.

And now here is the real key. You must find a creative way to keep in touch. Little did I know how much my father's advice would dramatically help me in the future and actually change my life.

When I was a kid, my dad would take me to his office. It was a wonderful place. The walls were covered with photos, tickets and other memorabilia. Linking everything together were my dad's favorite aphorisms. Some were straight from fortune cookies. I discovered that these little gems were a great way to remember a lesson. As a result, I've been an aphorism junkie all my life, and end all my book chapters and columns with a Mackay's Moral. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

Mackay's Moral: Lessons learned in childhood are anything but child's play.