life

Laugh Your Way to Success

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | December 29th, 2014

Life is funny -- or at least, I think it should be.

Finding humor in everyday things is a gift. Our very serious world can be depressing and overwhelming. Problems at work can seem insurmountable. Your car is making a disturbing noise, and the kids' school just called to let you know that your daughter, who was perfectly healthy this morning, is in the nurse's office with a fever. None of this is funny.

But ...

You've had issues at work before, and getting angry or throwing a tantrum only makes things worse. What did help break the tension was the clever observation from the office grouch: "I suppose this is a bad time to ask for a raise?"

We've all had days that test our patience. When circumstances are beyond our control, the only thing we can master is our reaction. A sense of humor realigns our perspective so that we can avoid blowing things out of proportion.

In other words, when you are tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the fire department usually uses water. Throw a little water on those tough situations and douse the anxieties before they spread like wildfire into other areas of your life.

Stories and humor were nearly as important as oxygen and water to our 16th president, Abraham Lincoln, according to the Lincoln Institute. Humor helped offset his natural sadness and escape from the internal and external pressures and events of his life.

Journalist and author Norman Cousins wrote of Lincoln: "Laughter to him was not merely a random physical response to humor but a physiological reality that was essential for restoration and rejuvenation."

A terrific resource on maintaining a sense of humor is Rita Davenport's inspiring book "Funny Side Up." In it, she describes her multifaceted career, as a teacher, social worker, television host, best-selling author, motivational speaker and corporate president. I might add that Rita has been incredibly successful at all of them. She led the large network marketing company Arbonne International to $980 million in sales from 1991-2011. Rita is a speaker who delivers life-changing success principles with a sense of humor.

Her book draws on her life experiences, starting with her dirt-poor youth in Tennessee. She credits her success to her ability to dream big when faced with the life of struggle and poverty that her parents knew. Her positive attitude has carried her through plenty of challenges. Among her pearls of wisdom, she advises bringing a sense of humor to the table, whatever table that might be. She says: "Laughter is internal jogging. It causes the muscles around the face to vibrate, which causes blood to rush to that area, which in turn improves brain function. You think better and you feel better, and your health is improved ... Besides, if you hold those chuckles back, the air tends to go back down and expand the hips!"

Rita's book, like her speeches, is punctuated with humor. Her theory is that it's important to develop a sense of humor because it is something that none of us are born with. As proof, she offers this explanation: "I have given birth twice and distinctly remember that neither baby was laughing when he came out. Come to think of it, neither was their mama."

What saved her, she says, is "the ever-ready capacity of laughter when your impulse is to cry or scream."

"Failure is also one more opportunity to develop a strong sense of humor," Rita writes. "Have you ever had something happen that seemed just awful at the time, yet months or years later you found yourself laughing at it?" she asks.

"Here's what you do. First, get in the habit of saying, 'Someday, we're going to laugh about this.' And after you've said that, then say, 'Hey, why wait?' The secret is to laugh sooner."

What terrific advice! Laugh sooner -- and share the joy!

life

Winning Friends in the Office and at Home

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | December 22nd, 2014

Aristotle viewed friendship as ranking among the highest virtues. It was an essential element in a full, virtuous and worthwhile life. For Aristotle, there were three kinds of friendship:

1. Friendship of pleasure: Two people are wonderfully happy in each other's company.

2. Friendship of utility: Two people assist each other in everyday aspects of life.

3. Friendship of virtue: Two people mutually admire each other and will be on best behavior in order not to jeopardize their relationship.

The value of friendships is perhaps most emphasized throughout the holidays. We share special gifts, look for opportunities to connect, and vow to do a better job of keeping in touch. That's so much easier said than done, given the busy nature of life.

I can't imagine what my life would have been like if I hadn't had such loyal and true friends. I am fortunate to number among them several classmates from first grade, as well as people I just met. My friends have saved my bacon over and over again. A few have actually saved my life.

So where does friendship fit into your business life? That's what often begins as "friendship of utility."

You probably spend most of your waking hours at work, so friendships are natural. Working together can easily turn co-workers into best friends, making jobs more enjoyable and the workplace a home away from home instead of a pit of boredom or an arena of stress.

But friendships need to be managed appropriately, just like every other workplace relationship. You need to understand and respect each other's boundaries and privacy, just as with personal relationships. But work issues can present some unique challenges when ensuring that both your job and the friendship are not at risk.

-- Limit social chatter. Don't let your friendly conversations overshadow your responsibilities. Stay focused on your job most of the time.

-- Keep private issues private. When you have problems to discuss, do it over lunch or after work. You don't want to make your co-workers privy to your personal dramas -- and they probably don't want to listen to them either.

-- Avoid gossip. Most of us love to talk about other people, but keep your natural inclination to share rumors about co-workers or managers in check. If colleagues realize you're gossiping about them, the backlash could be unpleasant.

-- Don't do each other's jobs. Pitching in to help a friend in a crunch is admirable, but keep to a reasonable limit. Your manager is in charge of assignments and responsibilities, not you. You don't want to spend so much time helping a friend do his or her job that you neglect your own.

-- Include, don't exclude. Don't ignore the rest of your workplace. Invite other co-workers to lunch, and include them in your conversations so they don't feel left out. You may even make new friends by expanding your circle at work.

If you value your relationships with family and friends outside of work, you need to work to maintain them. Take a few cues from your job for evaluating your priorities and scheduling your activities. These "friendships of pleasure" are worth all the effort you put into them.

A mission statement might be helpful. You have career goals and aspirations. It's just as important to establish what kind of relationship you want with your family and friends. A clear mission statement can help keep you focused on your personal life goals, especially when your schedule gets demanding.

Time management is just as important for friendships as for your business schedule. Keep all your commitments with family and friends on one calendar, planner or smartphone so nothing falls through the cracks.

Spend some time planning your personal hours. Review your schedule so that you are prepared for your most important activities.

Honor your plans. When you must choose between events, decide which is more in line with your mission, values and goals.

Finally, though I'm not sure if this is the best example of a "friendship of virtue," I love this story.

A losing football coach felt all the fates were against him. The team hated him, the fans hated him -- even his wife and children were losing confidence in him. The only one who loved him was his dog. The dog was always glad to see him.

The coach told his wife, "A dog is fine, but a man can't live with just one friend."

So she bought him a second dog.

Mackay's Moral: The best vitamin for developing friends is B1.

life

Lessons From Santa

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | December 15th, 2014

No matter how you celebrate the holidays, or even which holidays you celebrate, chances are you know about Santa Claus. The jolly old elf brings merriment to the season, but he also teaches us many valuable lessons.

Of course, the first is the value of giving. Aside from milk and cookies, Santa doesn't get anything in return for the gifts he shares with others. That is the real spirit of giving -- not expecting anything in return. The joy of giving is reward enough.

Santa is a genius in marketing and public relations. His image is everywhere, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't pay a dime for the exposure. He attracts crowds wherever he goes. Businesses put him front and center in ads, decorations, even in big comfy chairs in prime locations in shopping malls. They practically beg him to show up!

He is recognizable and hasn't changed his basic look since time began. More people can identify Santa than they can the president. His distinctive couture will never get him on a best-dressed list. But he doesn't concern himself with that. His message has remained the same: a simple "Ho, Ho, Ho." He doesn't drive the latest model car. He is who he is and he's content with that. What he does is more important than fad or fashion.

His attitude is contagious. He is always positive, reminding young and old alike to be good for goodness's sake. How he keeps track of who is naughty or nice doesn't really matter -- he encourages everyone to be their best. He rewards good behavior. And who doesn't like to be recognized for trying?

Santa respects deadlines. He knows from one December 25 to the next that he has customers to satisfy. He is beholden to the calendar. It wouldn't work to try to stretch it into January or February. Reliability is an important trait.

Santa understands the value of tradition. Most of us have family or cultural traditions that bind us together. Businesses have traditions that customers anticipate. But have you ever noticed what happens when someone tries to change a long-held tradition? Santa knows better.

Customer service is high on his priority list. He aims to please, and he rarely disappoints. I'm guessing he reads every letter written in a childish scrawl before he makes his list. If you happen to overhear a conversation between Santa and a child asking for the hottest toy of the year, you will likely hear a promise to do his best, but he has some other great ideas, too. He won't promise what he can't deliver.

Teamwork is central to his operation. The demands on him are enormous. He understands that he can't do it alone. A workshop full of elves and a team of nine little reindeer help him accomplish an impossible task year after year. I've heard there is magic involved, but I have no evidence to support it.

In that same vein, he epitomizes leadership. He leads his team, but he also guides the rest of the believers toward the right path. He is consistent with his values. He is patient. He works hard. He is forgiving of mistakes and loves what he does. And that brings me to my next point.

I'm fond of saying, "Love what you do and you'll never work a day in your life." There can be no question that this guy wouldn't want to do anything else. Santa couldn't do what he's done for centuries without real enthusiasm for his efforts.

Santa takes his work very seriously, but he doesn't take himself seriously. He loves to laugh, make people happy, bring surprises and spread good cheer. Santa understands that fun is good. In a world full of serious problems, bringing a little happiness is a welcome relief. We can all do something to brighten someone else's day.

Here is a shameless plug for getting on Santa's "nice" list: This month I will once again be donning a Santa hat and taking a shift ringing bells for the Salvation Army. For 12 years I have had this pleasure, and I hope to continue this tradition for many more holiday seasons. I encourage you to toss a few coins or dollars into the red kettle, or help whatever charity you can. Even if Santa doesn't see you, you can be sure you have embodied his spirit.

Mackay's Moral: Happy holidays to all.

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