Many times, in order to survive, we have to start a change process. Change, for most people, is an unnerving experience. But as the old saying goes, change is inevitable. It's one of the only constants in life.

I have said before that it is easy to change things. It is not so easy to change people. And therein lies the rub. As author Bruce Barton observed, "When you are through changing, you are through."

Most organizations won't survive if they don't learn how to change as they grow and adapt to market conditions. But employees sometimes resist anything new -- not because they're stubborn or old-fashioned, but for these basic reasons:

-- They don't see the need. Management must explain why the change is necessary -- how it will help the company, customers and employees themselves. Set the stage for people. If employees don't know what's happening in the company and in its industry, they won't see any reason to do things differently. Share as much as possible about finances, problems the organization is facing, and what's likely to happen if nothing is done.

-- They're afraid of the unknown. Employees may not understand exactly what they'll have to do differently, or how the change will affect their daily lives. Or they may worry that they don't have the skills they'll need to adapt. Tell them what's changing, and give them the training and support required.

-- Management didn't seek their input. Employees need a sense of control over their work and their careers. Include them in planning from the beginning. Employees who know how the organization functions at the ground level will be able to help target the right areas for change, and they'll be more comfortable with the result. Consider everyone who'll be affected, from front-line employees to high management, as well as customers and other stakeholders. Provide them with updates on progress. Ask them how it's going and what could speed things along.

-- They're exhausted. Downsizings, reorganizations, new products and revamped org charts can take their toll. Employees may feel they don't have it in them to go through another major overhaul. Take their feelings into account when announcing any new direction so they know management understands what they're going through.

-- They aren't focused on the long term. Change is a process, not a single event. Emphasize that it will take time, and to be successful, people will have to look to the future, not to short-term gains and losses. Remember that performance won't be transformed overnight. Once a company has restructured, implemented new systems or launched new strategies, allow adequate time for a learning curve. Don't be so impatient for results so as to sabotage people's efforts.

-- They don't see commitment from the top. Change needs to start at the highest levels of the organization. If management is not setting a spectacular example, demonstrating an absolutely united front, then the rank and file has no reason to jump on board. Will every manager immediately embrace new practices and procedures? They will if they value their jobs!

Be prepared for some resistance, and be willing to periodically assess changes to see if they are really producing the expected results. Then, and only then, if the outcome isn't satisfactory, reassess and figure out how to change things for the better.

In his best-selling book "Who Moved My Cheese?" Spencer Johnson used a parable to dramatize human resistance to change. The story contains four imaginary characters named Sniff, Scurry, Hem and Haw.

Sniff and Scurry are two mice. Hem and Haw are "little people," small as mice but containing all the qualities of human beings. All four characters are intended to represent the simple and the complex parts of ourselves, regardless of our age, gender, race or nationality.

According to the book's introduction, sometimes we may act like:

-- Sniff, who sniffs out change early, or

-- Scurry, who scurries into action at the slightest provocation, or

-- Hem, who denies and resists change as he fears it will lead to something worse, or

-- Haw, who learns to adapt in time when he sees changing leads to something better.

"Whatever parts of us we choose to use," Johnson writes, "we all share something in common: a need to find our way in the maze and succeed in changing times."

Mackay's Moral: The only people who like change are wet babies.

A young boy asked his mother what he should do in order to be a success when he grew up. The mother thought for a moment, and then told her son to bring her a pencil. Puzzled, the boy found a pencil and gave it to her.

"If you want to do good," she said, "you have to be just like this pencil."

"What does that mean?" her son asked.

"First," she said, "you'll be able to do a lot of things, but not on your own. You have to allow yourself to be held in someone's hand.

"Second, you'll have to go through a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.

"Third, you'll be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

"Fourth, no matter what you look like on the outside, the most important part will always be what's inside.

"And fifth," the mother finished, "you have to press hard in order to make a mark."

Great advice. His mother touched on five important topics -- teamwork, being able to accept criticism, correcting mistakes, self-confidence and working hard. Let's take them one at a time.

Teamwork. As I like to say, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. You can't do it all alone. My definition of teamwork is a collection of diverse individuals who respect each other and are committed to each other's successes. Teamwork sometimes requires people to play roles that aren't as glamorous as they'd like.

For example, I once asked a symphony conductor which instrument is the most difficult to play? Without missing a beat, the conductor replied: "Second fiddle. I can get plenty of first violinists. But finding someone who can play second fiddle with enthusiasm is a real problem. When we have no second violin, we have no harmony." And you just can't be successful without harmony or teamwork.

Criticism. Giving and taking criticism is no easy task, but it is necessary if you want to become better. If you ignore the problem and hope it goes away, you are not going to improve. Every office I've ever worked in or done business with has been made better because of suggestions or criticisms of the people who spend their working hours there. No one ever choked to death swallowing his or her own pride! Admit you aren't perfect. Remember that the goal of honest criticism is to make you better than you were before.

Mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is that you learn from them. President Ronald Reagan said: "What should happen when you make a mistake is this: You take your knocks, you learn your lessons, and then you move on."

The greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid to make one. In fact, you often need to increase your failures to become more successful. Mistakes don't make you a failure. How you respond to a mistake determines just how smart you actually are. There are really no mistakes in life, there are only lessons.

It's important to remember that the person who made a mistake isn't the only one who can learn from that experience. Talk about mistakes, so they are not repeated by others.

Self-confidence. When I'm interviewing potential employees, one of the traits I look for is confidence. Confidence doesn't come naturally to most people. Even the most successful people have struggled with it in their careers. The good news is that you can develop confidence, just like any muscle or character trait, if you're willing to work at it. My advice: Track your success, practice being assertive, accept that failure is not the end of the world, step out of your comfort zone, set goals, keep improving your skills and above all else, don't compare yourself to others.

Work hard. Success comes before work only in the dictionary. Many people look for a magic formula to turn things around, but there is no magic formula. Sure, natural talent can make a big difference. But show me a natural .300 hitter in the major leagues, and I'll show you someone who bangs the ball until their hands bleed, trying to keep that hitting stroke honed. Ask any surgeon about how much sleep he or she got for the eight to 10 years it took to get through medical school, internship and residency. It takes iron determination and lots of hard, hard work.

Mackay's Moral: If you want to make your mark, sharpen your skills.

You already know from John Gray that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but do you know how to promote interplanetary cooperation at the office?

After decades of striving for gender equality in the workplace, you'd think the tough questions would be answered. You would be wrong.

According to a terrific new book by two gurus in the field of male/female relationships, Barbara Annis and John Gray, there are eight gender "blind spots" between men and women in business. "Work With Me" addresses the issues that create tension between the sexes at work, resulting in misunderstandings and miscommunications that affect success and satisfaction in people's work and personal lives.

I recently invited John Gray to address a group I was hosting. He spoke very specifically about the differences between the two genders. I thought I was pretty advanced in my thinking prior to hearing him speak. Now I realize I still have plenty to learn!

So I was eager to read about how these differences affected business. This book is eye-opening, to say the least. I've witnessed a sea change in business relationships during my long career. Turns out, there's an ocean of awareness that we've barely dipped our toes into.

Annis and Gray interviewed more than 100,000 male and female executives at more than 60 Fortune 500 companies. Their research led them to identify "how truly blind men and women are to each other's intentions and expectations in today's workplace." Inappropriate behavior exists, but they conclude that much of it is "unintended -- the result of misinterpretation and miscommunication between men and women, who have little idea why the other gender thinks and acts as it does."

They cite the importance of "gender intelligence," which they define as "an active consciousness that views gender differences as strengths, not weaknesses. It is an understanding that both nature and nurture play a significant role in a person's life."

Because we've been conditioned to believe that men and women are the same, they contend, we often expect the other gender to think and act the same. And without gender intelligence, they write, "men and women will never truly understand and appreciate each other's authentic, complementary nature."

In a nutshell, these are the eight blind spots they have identified:

Do women want men to change? "The traditional business model we work in today ... is based on a male model of work and a male code of behavior," the authors say. "We have to stop fixing women to act like men and then blaming men for acting like themselves. ... When we understand our differences, our language begins to change and our expectations become grounded in reality instead of assumptions."

Do men appreciate women? "While men thrive on recognition for their results, women feel most appreciated and validated when they're acknowledged for the challenges they faced in attaining those results," they write. "Men don't realize that for many women, a collaborative work environment, peer and supervisory support, and building sharing and reciprocal relationships are as important as money, status and power."

Are women being excluded? The authors conclude that "inclusion is not generally a top-of-mind issue for men. As a result, a woman may misread a man's behavior in team meetings as being aloof and indifferent, which tends to amplify a woman's feeling of exclusion."

Do men have to walk on eggshells with women? Annis and Gray write: "Men say they often feel they can't express their ideas or be their natural, casual selves without the fear of inadvertently saying or doing something that may upset a woman."

Do women ask too many questions? Women generally ask more questions than men, according to the authors, but those questions are intended to stimulate an exchange of ideas, discover what's important, and arrive at a best possible outcome.

Do men listen? "One of the leading ways men sabotage their success in working with women is by not taking the time to show that they are listening and, in the process, demonstrate their care and concern," they write.

Are women too emotional? Generally, the authors say, men are just as emotional as women, but tend to conceal their feelings except to the people closest to them.

Are men insensitive? "Many men today make an effort to be more actively conscious of the people and events around them," they say. "Nevertheless, being sensitive is not a natural and effortless response for men."

Mackay's Moral: The battle of the sexes should have winners on both sides.