A young boy asked his mother what he should do in order to be a success when he grew up. The mother thought for a moment, and then told her son to bring her a pencil. Puzzled, the boy found a pencil and gave it to her.

"If you want to do good," she said, "you have to be just like this pencil."

"What does that mean?" her son asked.

"First," she said, "you'll be able to do a lot of things, but not on your own. You have to allow yourself to be held in someone's hand.

"Second, you'll have to go through a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil.

"Third, you'll be able to correct any mistakes you might make.

"Fourth, no matter what you look like on the outside, the most important part will always be what's inside.

"And fifth," the mother finished, "you have to press hard in order to make a mark."

Great advice. His mother touched on five important topics -- teamwork, being able to accept criticism, correcting mistakes, self-confidence and working hard. Let's take them one at a time.

Teamwork. As I like to say, even the Lone Ranger had Tonto. You can't do it all alone. My definition of teamwork is a collection of diverse individuals who respect each other and are committed to each other's successes. Teamwork sometimes requires people to play roles that aren't as glamorous as they'd like.

For example, I once asked a symphony conductor which instrument is the most difficult to play? Without missing a beat, the conductor replied: "Second fiddle. I can get plenty of first violinists. But finding someone who can play second fiddle with enthusiasm is a real problem. When we have no second violin, we have no harmony." And you just can't be successful without harmony or teamwork.

Criticism. Giving and taking criticism is no easy task, but it is necessary if you want to become better. If you ignore the problem and hope it goes away, you are not going to improve. Every office I've ever worked in or done business with has been made better because of suggestions or criticisms of the people who spend their working hours there. No one ever choked to death swallowing his or her own pride! Admit you aren't perfect. Remember that the goal of honest criticism is to make you better than you were before.

Mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes. What's important is that you learn from them. President Ronald Reagan said: "What should happen when you make a mistake is this: You take your knocks, you learn your lessons, and then you move on."

The greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid to make one. In fact, you often need to increase your failures to become more successful. Mistakes don't make you a failure. How you respond to a mistake determines just how smart you actually are. There are really no mistakes in life, there are only lessons.

It's important to remember that the person who made a mistake isn't the only one who can learn from that experience. Talk about mistakes, so they are not repeated by others.

Self-confidence. When I'm interviewing potential employees, one of the traits I look for is confidence. Confidence doesn't come naturally to most people. Even the most successful people have struggled with it in their careers. The good news is that you can develop confidence, just like any muscle or character trait, if you're willing to work at it. My advice: Track your success, practice being assertive, accept that failure is not the end of the world, step out of your comfort zone, set goals, keep improving your skills and above all else, don't compare yourself to others.

Work hard. Success comes before work only in the dictionary. Many people look for a magic formula to turn things around, but there is no magic formula. Sure, natural talent can make a big difference. But show me a natural .300 hitter in the major leagues, and I'll show you someone who bangs the ball until their hands bleed, trying to keep that hitting stroke honed. Ask any surgeon about how much sleep he or she got for the eight to 10 years it took to get through medical school, internship and residency. It takes iron determination and lots of hard, hard work.

Mackay's Moral: If you want to make your mark, sharpen your skills.

You already know from John Gray that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but do you know how to promote interplanetary cooperation at the office?

After decades of striving for gender equality in the workplace, you'd think the tough questions would be answered. You would be wrong.

According to a terrific new book by two gurus in the field of male/female relationships, Barbara Annis and John Gray, there are eight gender "blind spots" between men and women in business. "Work With Me" addresses the issues that create tension between the sexes at work, resulting in misunderstandings and miscommunications that affect success and satisfaction in people's work and personal lives.

I recently invited John Gray to address a group I was hosting. He spoke very specifically about the differences between the two genders. I thought I was pretty advanced in my thinking prior to hearing him speak. Now I realize I still have plenty to learn!

So I was eager to read about how these differences affected business. This book is eye-opening, to say the least. I've witnessed a sea change in business relationships during my long career. Turns out, there's an ocean of awareness that we've barely dipped our toes into.

Annis and Gray interviewed more than 100,000 male and female executives at more than 60 Fortune 500 companies. Their research led them to identify "how truly blind men and women are to each other's intentions and expectations in today's workplace." Inappropriate behavior exists, but they conclude that much of it is "unintended -- the result of misinterpretation and miscommunication between men and women, who have little idea why the other gender thinks and acts as it does."

They cite the importance of "gender intelligence," which they define as "an active consciousness that views gender differences as strengths, not weaknesses. It is an understanding that both nature and nurture play a significant role in a person's life."

Because we've been conditioned to believe that men and women are the same, they contend, we often expect the other gender to think and act the same. And without gender intelligence, they write, "men and women will never truly understand and appreciate each other's authentic, complementary nature."

In a nutshell, these are the eight blind spots they have identified:

Do women want men to change? "The traditional business model we work in today ... is based on a male model of work and a male code of behavior," the authors say. "We have to stop fixing women to act like men and then blaming men for acting like themselves. ... When we understand our differences, our language begins to change and our expectations become grounded in reality instead of assumptions."

Do men appreciate women? "While men thrive on recognition for their results, women feel most appreciated and validated when they're acknowledged for the challenges they faced in attaining those results," they write. "Men don't realize that for many women, a collaborative work environment, peer and supervisory support, and building sharing and reciprocal relationships are as important as money, status and power."

Are women being excluded? The authors conclude that "inclusion is not generally a top-of-mind issue for men. As a result, a woman may misread a man's behavior in team meetings as being aloof and indifferent, which tends to amplify a woman's feeling of exclusion."

Do men have to walk on eggshells with women? Annis and Gray write: "Men say they often feel they can't express their ideas or be their natural, casual selves without the fear of inadvertently saying or doing something that may upset a woman."

Do women ask too many questions? Women generally ask more questions than men, according to the authors, but those questions are intended to stimulate an exchange of ideas, discover what's important, and arrive at a best possible outcome.

Do men listen? "One of the leading ways men sabotage their success in working with women is by not taking the time to show that they are listening and, in the process, demonstrate their care and concern," they write.

Are women too emotional? Generally, the authors say, men are just as emotional as women, but tend to conceal their feelings except to the people closest to them.

Are men insensitive? "Many men today make an effort to be more actively conscious of the people and events around them," they say. "Nevertheless, being sensitive is not a natural and effortless response for men."

Mackay's Moral: The battle of the sexes should have winners on both sides.

There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him, every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first week the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. It gradually dwindled down as he discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. His father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper until all the nails were gone.

Then the father led him to the fence and said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."

With Father's Day coming up Sunday, June 16, I'd like to share some of the fatherly advice I received while growing up, and especially while getting my start in business.

Jack Mackay taught me about time management. I still remember him telling me, "If you want to go fishing tomorrow, be on the dock at 2 p.m. sharp." There I was, at 2:05 p.m., waving bon voyage to my dad who was driving away in the boat without his fishing buddy. Tough love, lesson learned.

My dad insisted that 25 percent of my time should be spent on volunteering, advice I've continued to follow. In addition to the benefit to the organization, you have an unusual opportunity to hone your selling skills, learn how to run meetings, prepare reports, serve on committees, supervise others, handle rejection and many other skills that can help you in your career, all while serving your community.

"One of the most powerful things you can do to influence others is to smile at them," my dad said. Not to be outdone, my mother used to tell me that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve my looks: "If you're happy, tell your face."

About reputation, my dad quoted the adage, "You spend your whole lifetime building a good name and reputation, and one foolish act can destroy it." Dad was a big believer in aphorisms, which is why I end every column with a Mackay's Moral.

Most importantly, Jack Mackay taught me about networking. When I was 18, he told me that everyone I met should go in a Rolodex file along with a little information about that person to help to creatively keep in touch. You never know when your paths might cross again.

Greg Hague, an Arizona attorney and businessman, has come up with a website which he calls Savvy Dad (savvydad.com). Every day, he features a new story from a son or daughter on some special experience with their dad and how it positively impacted their life. His readership is nearing 40,000. His book, "How Fathers Change Lives," is now available from his website.

Greg shared a lesson from his father: "People focus on role models, but it's more effective to find anti-models — people you don't want to resemble when you grow up."

Lise Johnson told the story of her father's devotion to her mom, who became terminally ill. When she was moved to hospice, he stayed with her around the clock. He helped feed and bathe her. One nurse told Lise that she was engaged when she started her mom's care, but no longer. "I didn't know devotion like that existed in this world. I will find a man like your dad."

Our mutual friend Randy Garn, a Utah businessman, remembered how, as a 16-year-old, he asked his dad if he could borrow the car on a Friday night. His dad said yes, but to be home by 11 p.m., or the upcoming prom was at stake. Well, Randy lost track of the time and got home after 1 a.m. He tiptoed upstairs to his room and thought he was safe until he slid into bed and discovered he wasn't alone! His dad was lying there waiting for him.

"I'm not mad, but the prom is now gone," his dad said, without anger. "Randy, I love you so much, but unlike what you did tonight, I do what I say."

Mackay's Moral: It's funny about fatherly advice: The better it is, the harder it is to take.