You already know from John Gray that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but do you know how to promote interplanetary cooperation at the office?

After decades of striving for gender equality in the workplace, you'd think the tough questions would be answered. You would be wrong.

According to a terrific new book by two gurus in the field of male/female relationships, Barbara Annis and John Gray, there are eight gender "blind spots" between men and women in business. "Work With Me" addresses the issues that create tension between the sexes at work, resulting in misunderstandings and miscommunications that affect success and satisfaction in people's work and personal lives.

I recently invited John Gray to address a group I was hosting. He spoke very specifically about the differences between the two genders. I thought I was pretty advanced in my thinking prior to hearing him speak. Now I realize I still have plenty to learn!

So I was eager to read about how these differences affected business. This book is eye-opening, to say the least. I've witnessed a sea change in business relationships during my long career. Turns out, there's an ocean of awareness that we've barely dipped our toes into.

Annis and Gray interviewed more than 100,000 male and female executives at more than 60 Fortune 500 companies. Their research led them to identify "how truly blind men and women are to each other's intentions and expectations in today's workplace." Inappropriate behavior exists, but they conclude that much of it is "unintended -- the result of misinterpretation and miscommunication between men and women, who have little idea why the other gender thinks and acts as it does."

They cite the importance of "gender intelligence," which they define as "an active consciousness that views gender differences as strengths, not weaknesses. It is an understanding that both nature and nurture play a significant role in a person's life."

Because we've been conditioned to believe that men and women are the same, they contend, we often expect the other gender to think and act the same. And without gender intelligence, they write, "men and women will never truly understand and appreciate each other's authentic, complementary nature."

In a nutshell, these are the eight blind spots they have identified:

Do women want men to change? "The traditional business model we work in today ... is based on a male model of work and a male code of behavior," the authors say. "We have to stop fixing women to act like men and then blaming men for acting like themselves. ... When we understand our differences, our language begins to change and our expectations become grounded in reality instead of assumptions."

Do men appreciate women? "While men thrive on recognition for their results, women feel most appreciated and validated when they're acknowledged for the challenges they faced in attaining those results," they write. "Men don't realize that for many women, a collaborative work environment, peer and supervisory support, and building sharing and reciprocal relationships are as important as money, status and power."

Are women being excluded? The authors conclude that "inclusion is not generally a top-of-mind issue for men. As a result, a woman may misread a man's behavior in team meetings as being aloof and indifferent, which tends to amplify a woman's feeling of exclusion."

Do men have to walk on eggshells with women? Annis and Gray write: "Men say they often feel they can't express their ideas or be their natural, casual selves without the fear of inadvertently saying or doing something that may upset a woman."

Do women ask too many questions? Women generally ask more questions than men, according to the authors, but those questions are intended to stimulate an exchange of ideas, discover what's important, and arrive at a best possible outcome.

Do men listen? "One of the leading ways men sabotage their success in working with women is by not taking the time to show that they are listening and, in the process, demonstrate their care and concern," they write.

Are women too emotional? Generally, the authors say, men are just as emotional as women, but tend to conceal their feelings except to the people closest to them.

Are men insensitive? "Many men today make an effort to be more actively conscious of the people and events around them," they say. "Nevertheless, being sensitive is not a natural and effortless response for men."

Mackay's Moral: The battle of the sexes should have winners on both sides.

There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him, every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first week the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. It gradually dwindled down as he discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all. His father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper until all the nails were gone.

Then the father led him to the fence and said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. A verbal wound is as bad as a physical one."

With Father's Day coming up Sunday, June 16, I'd like to share some of the fatherly advice I received while growing up, and especially while getting my start in business.

Jack Mackay taught me about time management. I still remember him telling me, "If you want to go fishing tomorrow, be on the dock at 2 p.m. sharp." There I was, at 2:05 p.m., waving bon voyage to my dad who was driving away in the boat without his fishing buddy. Tough love, lesson learned.

My dad insisted that 25 percent of my time should be spent on volunteering, advice I've continued to follow. In addition to the benefit to the organization, you have an unusual opportunity to hone your selling skills, learn how to run meetings, prepare reports, serve on committees, supervise others, handle rejection and many other skills that can help you in your career, all while serving your community.

"One of the most powerful things you can do to influence others is to smile at them," my dad said. Not to be outdone, my mother used to tell me that a smile is an inexpensive way to improve my looks: "If you're happy, tell your face."

About reputation, my dad quoted the adage, "You spend your whole lifetime building a good name and reputation, and one foolish act can destroy it." Dad was a big believer in aphorisms, which is why I end every column with a Mackay's Moral.

Most importantly, Jack Mackay taught me about networking. When I was 18, he told me that everyone I met should go in a Rolodex file along with a little information about that person to help to creatively keep in touch. You never know when your paths might cross again.

Greg Hague, an Arizona attorney and businessman, has come up with a website which he calls Savvy Dad (savvydad.com). Every day, he features a new story from a son or daughter on some special experience with their dad and how it positively impacted their life. His readership is nearing 40,000. His book, "How Fathers Change Lives," is now available from his website.

Greg shared a lesson from his father: "People focus on role models, but it's more effective to find anti-models — people you don't want to resemble when you grow up."

Lise Johnson told the story of her father's devotion to her mom, who became terminally ill. When she was moved to hospice, he stayed with her around the clock. He helped feed and bathe her. One nurse told Lise that she was engaged when she started her mom's care, but no longer. "I didn't know devotion like that existed in this world. I will find a man like your dad."

Our mutual friend Randy Garn, a Utah businessman, remembered how, as a 16-year-old, he asked his dad if he could borrow the car on a Friday night. His dad said yes, but to be home by 11 p.m., or the upcoming prom was at stake. Well, Randy lost track of the time and got home after 1 a.m. He tiptoed upstairs to his room and thought he was safe until he slid into bed and discovered he wasn't alone! His dad was lying there waiting for him.

"I'm not mad, but the prom is now gone," his dad said, without anger. "Randy, I love you so much, but unlike what you did tonight, I do what I say."

Mackay's Moral: It's funny about fatherly advice: The better it is, the harder it is to take.

When the phone rings and the caller is asking for a couple hours of your time to help with a worthy cause, you have two obvious responses: yes or no.

Unless that call is from the Arizona Foundation for Women, a remarkable organization that helps women overcome obstacles, find safe sanctuary, job training and employment, and empower them to say, "Yes I can!"

Of course, I was delighted to answer the call to act as emcee at the AFW's annual Sandra Day O'Connor Luncheon, which was a sold-out event for nearly 900 guests. The foundation honors three people each year for their contributions to the welfare of women and children. This year's Lifetime Achievement honoree was Goldie Hawn, a perfect choice.

I've long admired Ms. Hawn as an Academy Award-winning actress, producer and director. I was less familiar with her work at the Hawn Foundation, which Goldie established to support research into developing ways of helping children become healthy and eager learners. The more I heard, the more I realized that this foundation may be Goldie's best work yet.

After her acceptance speech I was lucky enough to interview her for nearly half an hour about her fascinating projects. She was thought-provoking, content-rich and hilarious.

Her foundation has developed a school curriculum, MindUP, which teaches children vital social and emotional skills that empower them to manage and reduce their own stress, helping them to be happy. The evidence-based program, which is now taught in schools across five continents, combines neuroscience, positive psychology, and social and emotional learning, in tandem with mindfulness. The result is young people who are living smarter, healthier and happier lives.

Among the lessons that enhance learning, children are encouraged to:

-- Learn how their brains react to emotions.

-- Take daily "brain breaks" and focus on breathing.

-- Practice mindful sensing -- exploring sight, taste, smell, hearing and motion.

-- Consider the differences between optimism and pessimism.

-- Learn to savor happiness.

-- Learn perspective and how to view differing results.

-- Focus on compassion and empathy.

-- Discover the importance of generosity and a sense of social responsibility.

-- Perform random acts of kindness.

-- Engage in practical problem-solving and critical thinking.

Does this sound like a program that should be limited to children? I certainly don't think so!

She explains this whole concept in her new book, "10 Mindful Minutes," which I highly recommend. As Goldie says, "What I do know is that MindUP works for children, so its principles can work for parents too." I would extend that to all adults, including those who don't have kids.

Mindfulness, she says, is "the conscious awareness of our current thoughts, feelings and surroundings -- and accepting this awareness with openness and curiosity in a nonjudgmental way. It means focusing on non-doing, a crucial skill in these distracted times. It is more important than ever to teach ourselves and our children how to concentrate, so that we'll become aware when we've lost focus and be able to maintain our attention for longer periods of time."

This differs from thinking in which she says "we often judge each moment by what has been or what could be."

Goldie concludes her book with a "toolbox" for living a more mindful life. The helpful lists and gentle lessons make her program easy to follow and implement. She encourages readers to find 10 mindful minutes each day "to help reduce stress, renew your mind for clearer thinking, and create greater focus and connectivity with your children."

What impressed me most about Goldie's book were the personal reflections that are sprinkled throughout. She shares observations from experts, educators, parents and children who explain the positive effects of the program.

I was particularly interested in how she turned her entrepreneurial skills, which she didn't even know she had, into a powerhouse foundation helping millions of children.

When you think about it, she's been an entrepreneur all her life. She had to go out and get jobs, use her sales and marketing prowess in heavy competition with other actors, producers and directors, hire staff, and use creativity, passion and vision to do all these things. Now she's put together all these skills to establish her foundation with an impressive board of directors. That's mindfulness at its finest!

Mackay's Moral: Goldie's book and program are solid gold!