During the Civil War, President Lincoln was urged by a friend to give up Forts Sumter and Pickens and all government property in the Southern states. In reply, Lincoln said, "Do you remember the fable of the lion and the woodsman's daughter?"

Aesop writes that a lion was very much in love with a woodsman's daughter. The fair maid referred him to her father. And the lion went to the father and asked for her hand.

The father replied: "Your teeth are too long."

The lion went to a dentist and had them extracted. Returning, he asked again for his bride.

"No," said the woodsman. "Your claws are too long."

Going to the doctor, he had the claws removed. Then he returned to claim his bride, and the woodsman, seeing that he was unarmed, beat out his brains.

"May it not be so with me," concluded Lincoln, "if I give up all that is asked?"

I learned a long time ago that you can't give anything away in negotiations without receiving something in return. I also know that the most important term in any contract isn't the contract. It's dealing with people who are honest.

Before you start any negotiation, look beyond the title and make sure that the person you're dealing with is in a position of authority to sign off on the agreement.

No matter what industry you're in, or how far you go in your career, the ability to effectively negotiate can make the difference between success and mediocrity. It doesn't matter whether it's a multimillion-dollar contract, a job offer or a house sale. The rules of good negotiating are the same:

Know what you want. Don't go to the table without a clear, realistic idea of what you want to achieve. It will help you negotiate with confidence.

Ask for what you want. Don't be afraid to make the first offer. You'll set the tone for the discussion, and studies suggest that the negotiator who goes first usually comes closer to getting what he or she wants. While I often counsel people to let the other person go first, someone has to start the process. I have found that either way, I need to be clear about my expectations or I will be disappointed.

Understand what your adversary wants. A successful negotiation should satisfy both sides. Instead of trying to crush your competition, find out what he or she hopes to get, and try to work together toward a solution that works for you both.

Don't concede unilaterally. Usually, one side or the other has to give up something. If you offer something, be sure to get a comparable concession from the other person. Giving away something for nothing will be taken as a weakness to be exploited. The playing field needs to be level. You don't have to accept being bullied.

Don't rush. Time can be your friend if you're willing to wait for the right deal. If the other side senses a deadline, he or she may be motivated to hold out until the last minute, or try to force you into accepting unreasonable terms. Be patient and let the time pressure work against the other side.

Be ready to walk away. This can take a certain amount of courage, but it's necessary to avoid being backed into an agreement you don't want. If possible, keep an ally in reserve -- someone with the power to approve or reject the deal. This can give you an out if you need to turn down a deal, or motivate the other side to make the best offer possible.

Listen. Sometimes what the other side says is not the same as what they want. They say the price is too high, but their most important demand is quality, which almost always costs a little (or a lot) more. Pay attention for cues that will help you direct your response to a better outcome for all.

Financier J.P. Morgan once wanted to buy a large Minnesota ore mine from John D. Rockefeller. So Rockefeller sent his son, John D. Jr., to talk to Morgan.

Morgan asked, "Well, what's your price?"

He was unprepared for the response. Junior said: "Mr. Morgan, I think there must be some mistake. I did not come here to sell; I understood you wanted to buy."

Mackay's Moral: There is no such thing as a final offer.

I've often said the greatest mistake a person can make is to be afraid to make one.

To be successful, you must come to terms with the notion that you will make mistakes. In fact, you often need to increase your failures to become more successful. Mistakes don't make you a failure. I always say, if you want to triple your success ratio, you might have to triple your failure rate.

Mistakes are OK as long as you learn from them and don't repeat them. As Confucius said, "A man who has made a mistake and doesn't correct it is making another mistake." I say it a little differently: One mistake will never kill you. The same mistake over and over will.

This concept is perfectly illustrated in the story of the fellow who was explaining to his neighbor how he got a burn on his right ear. "I was getting ready to iron my shirts and the phone rang. I picked up the iron by mistake."

The neighbor replied, "Well, then, how did you burn your left ear?"

"The same guy called back five minutes later."

Tom Watson Jr. was the CEO of IBM from 1956 to 1971. A senior executive made a large mistake costing the company a bunch of money. When Watson called him into his office, the executive said something like, "I suppose you're going to fire me." Watson replied, "Not at all, young man, we have just spent a fortune educating you."

The great inventor Thomas Edison said, "I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." When Edison's factory burned down with much of his life's work inside, he said: "There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God we can start anew."

Both business legends saw mistakes as investments in learning. They recognized the value of real-life lessons. When you mess up, seize the opportunity to get educated! Unfortunately, many people don't learn from their mistakes because they are consumed with trying to place the blame on someone else.

In today's business climate, it seems people are making decisions faster than ever. That creates more opportunity for mistakes. Don't misunderstand; I am not advocating making mistakes on purpose. But haste, as they say, makes waste. Wasting time is a mistake in itself. Stop and think before you act -- avoid the mistakes that are so obvious that you can predict their occurrence.

Just keep in mind that if you're not making mistakes, you're not taking any risks, and that could mean you're not making progress.

Here's advice on turning around your mistakes:

Be honest. Never try to cover up mistakes. The earlier you 'fess up, the faster you'll be able to correct the problem while maintaining your credibility.

Take responsibility. Your bosses and your customers don't want to hear excuses, and because it's rare for managers to take that kind of responsibility, it's a powerful way to show a sense of accountability for your actions (and those of your team). Then figure out what you can do to fix it.

Follow up and follow through. Sometimes simple mistakes point to more complex problems that need to be corrected. A thorough evaluation can reveal something about your habits or the work processes that needs to improve. Schedule a meeting, if necessary, to explore what went wrong and how to avert similar errors. Insight from others can often shed light on where things went wrong.

Use the opportunity to turn around a situation. Mistakes often are prime times for people to turn bad situations into positive ones. Any customer service guru will tell you that a lost ticket can be the perfect time to provide the best customer service you have to offer.

Everyone makes plenty of mistakes. You learn from them. You change. And you move forward. Stumbling is not falling. As the great comedian Charlie Chaplin said: "No matter how desperate the predicament is, I am always very much in earnest about clutching my cane, straightening my derby hat and fixing my tie, even though I may have just landed on my head."

Consider the hammer: It keeps its head. It doesn't fly off the handle. It keeps pounding away. It finds the point and then drives it home. It looks at the other side, too, and this often clinches the matter. It makes mistakes, but when it does, it starts all over.

Mackay's Moral: There are really no mistakes in life; there are only lessons.

One of the best decisions I've ever made in both my business and personal lives was to start running. I remember this like it was yesterday.

I was attending an executive program at Stanford University's graduate school of business back in the 1960s. Several foreign businesspeople who were also attending went out for a run every day. They asked me if I would like to join them, and I thought it sounded like fun. From that simple invitation grew a habit that has lasted a lifetime.

Running not only has kept me in good shape, but it has sharpened my focus. The benefits of physical activity on both the body and mind are well-documented. My personal experience tells me that when I don't run -- or walk briskly, as I have been more likely to do in recent years -- I lose some momentum. Running clears the cobwebs and renews energy.

Two hip replacement surgeries sidelined me for the past few years. But I just can't give it up. With my doctor's blessing, I entered and completed the Rock 'n' Roll Half-Marathon in Phoenix on Jan. 20. I didn't set any records, but that's not what matters. I finished, just as I did in 10 previous full marathons, including the 100th running of the Boston Marathon.

I saw a remarkable range of participants in the half-marathon. One guy carried the American flag for all 13 miles. I saw a blind woman tethered to a guide runner, who served as her eyes, describing the scenery and painting the picture. People pushed baby strollers for the distance. Runners dedicated their races to the memory of loved ones and causes. The motivations are endless.

Anyone who finishes a marathon -- or a half-marathon -- has won. The proof is that in earlier days, people would ask you what your time was. Now the question is, "Did you finish?"

For most runners, the key to running a marathon is to understand that it is not so much a physical as a mental challenge. Your body does not want you to run a marathon. Your mind must make you do it. Therefore, you have to develop a rationale so powerful, a determination so strong that it will enable your mind to overcome the vigorous protests of your body.

Marathon legend Grete Waitz, winner of nine New York Marathons and two London Marathons, plus five world cross-country championships, lived by the motto, "If you give up, you lose."

The race Waitz is best remembered for was the New York Marathon in 1992. Her time: 5:32:35. That's right, more than five hours. She ran hand-in-hand with the event founder, Fred Lebow, who was fighting brain cancer. Grete's quote after the race went something like: "The true heroes are not us up in the front but those who are there at the back of the pack because they are there for four to five hours."

In 1987, I ran my first of five New York marathons. Approximately 23,000 runners started the race, but only 20,000 finished. The last finisher was Bob Wieland, a Vietnam veteran, who ran it in four days and two hours. He had no legs and ran on his hands. When I saw him early in the race, I knew there was no way I could not finish. True hero? You bet.

"You should run your first marathon for the right reasons because you'll never be the same person again," said Bill Wenmark, my friend and marathon coach. "You must want to do it, not do it because your boss did it or your spouse did it."

Bill has trained 3,800 first-time students and only three have not finished the marathon. A dedicated Marine, Bill has run 103 marathons and is a world-class mountain biker at age 65.

The vast majority of people who sign up to run a marathon are not competing for prize money. They are in it to prove to themselves that they can do it. That thinking carries over into so many other parts of our lives.

To me, marathons are a metaphor for life. There are challenges, obstacles, rallies, accomplishments and celebrations. The finish line is a sweet sight for any competitor.

As Booker T. Washington said: "Success is measured not so much by the position that one has reached in life as by the obstacles which he has overcome while trying to succeed."

Mackay's Moral: If you don't climb the mountain, you can't see the view.