life

You Control Your Emotions

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | July 30th, 2012

You are driving to work when another driver suddenly cuts into your lane and nearly clips you. You immediately get mad and it sets you off for the morning.

One of your co-workers calls in "sick" -- again -- meaning you will be doing double-duty for the third time this month. Your own work is piling up while you try to cover for her. You head to the manager, ready to explode.

You have tickets for a ball game you've been looking forward to attending with your family, but the dark clouds overhead open up and ruin your plans. Your kids are disappointed, and you curse the weather gods for spoiling your day.

Wouldn't it be great if you could control your emotions and shake off these events, along with all the other things that might happen to you on any given day? It's natural to be upset when things don't go according to plan. But all too often, we overreact and start a domino effect that prevents us from seeing the positive side of anything.

George Foreman, former heavyweight boxing champ, makes a great point: "Being angry and resentful of someone is like letting them live rent-free in your head."

Controlling emotions is a challenge for people of all ages, but it can be done! You are the only person directly responsible for your emotions. You are responsible for how you act and react. No one makes you respond in a certain way.

"The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives," said American philosopher William James -- in the late 1800s, no less. Clearly, the problem has existed for ages.

Fortunately, there are some very effective strategies for getting a grip on your emotions. It takes practice, but the payoff is unmistakable. Your blood pressure will thank you too.

-- Practice good self-care. Take care of your own physical, emotional and mental needs. Someone who does this on an ongoing basis will be able to handle negative emotions better -- and not become a threat to others.

-- Identify what anger and frustration feel like -- both in your head and in your body. If people are cut off from their feelings, there is a much higher chance that they will act rashly.

-- Get out of the stressful situation and take a walk. Take the time you need to process your feelings and emotions. Perhaps it's enough for you to take a deep breath and count to 10 -- slowly.

-- Vent to someone who will listen without judging.

-- Find a temporary distraction. Engage in an activity that will take your mind off the upsetting subject.

-- Take action. Think about how the situation could be positively changed, and then encourage steps to help solve the problem.

-- Communicate your desire for change to others who can help make the change a reality.

-- Think about "what's right," rather than "what's wrong."

According to a story on businessballs.com, "A gardener ran a business that had been in the family for two or three generations ... For as long as anyone could remember, the current owner and previous generations of owners were extremely positive, happy people. Most folk assumed it was because they ran a successful business. In fact, it was the other way around.

"A tradition in the business was that the owner always wore a big lapel badge, saying 'Business is Great!' even though it went through tough times like any other. What never changed, however, were the owner's attitude and the badge.

"Everyone who saw the badge for the first time invariably asked, 'What's so great about business?' Sometimes people would also comment that their own business was miserable, or even that they personally were miserable or stressed.

"The badge always tended to start a conversation, which typically involved the owner talking about lots of positive aspects of business and work. Even the most miserable would usually end up feeling a lot happier after just a couple minutes of listening to all this infectious enthusiasm and positivity.

"It is tough to measure an attitude like this, but to one extent or another, it's probably a self-fulfilling prophecy. The business owner freely admitted: 'The badge came first. The great business followed.'"

Mackay's Moral: Attitude is the mind's paintbrush -- it can color any situation.

life

Let Your Imagination Fuel Your Success

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | July 23rd, 2012

Take a look at the back of a dollar bill. A pyramid with an eye at the top is on the left. Over the pyramid is the Latin inscription "annuit coeptis," which means "providence has favored our undertakings."

In his book, "Wisdom Well Said," Charles Francis takes an in-depth look at what the images mean: "The pyramid symbolizes the strength of the union of the states. The top of the pyramid is unfinished, meaning there is still work to be done to make our system even better. The eye stands for the all-seeing God, Supreme Builder of the Universe.

"Benjamin Franklin chose this motto because he believed imagination was the singular characteristic of the people he helped to forge into a new nation."

I think Ben Franklin would be pleasantly surprised where imagination got this great nation.

"The most interesting people are the people with the most interesting pictures in their minds," said Earl Nightingale, one of the pioneers of the motivational movement.

I'm always fascinated listening to people who see the world through a different lens. Most of us have ideas of what we'd like to change, but not necessarily the vision to make it happen. People who can clear the negative clutter from problems will always be successful.

The famous inventor Thomas Edison used to say his deafness was his greatest blessing. A blessing because it saved him from having to listen to reasons why things couldn't be done.

Curtis Carlson, founder of the Carlson Companies and one of my mentors, spent his life building and expanding. When asked what personal qualities contributed to the building of his successful empire, Curt responded, "I think my success is the result of my ability to see and to imagine how things can be. I'm not distracted by how things are."

It's never too late to develop your imagination, although I believe that the longer you suppress it, the more challenging it will be. Consider this lesson that was shared by Gordon McKenzie, a well-known creative force at Hallmark Cards.

McKenzie often visited schools to talk about his work. He usually introduced himself as an artist, and then would ask the students, "How many of you are artists?"

In kindergarten and first grade, almost every hand was enthusiastically raised. In second grade classrooms, about three-fourths of the children would raise their hands, but not as eagerly. Just a few third graders admitted their artistic talent.

By the time he interviewed the sixth graders, he said not one of them raised a hand. They thought being an artist was "uncool." (My guess is that Curt Carlson was one of those kids who didn't mind being "uncool.")

So if we want to cultivate creativity and imagination, a good place to start is with children. Children don't recognize limits on possibilities. They look through that different lens -- that is, until we train them to focus on the practical.

Children are open to trying all kinds of solutions. We would do well to learn from them that there is rarely just one way to get a job done.

A friend shared a story from the NewsOK website about two parents working on their Christmas cards with their 6-year-old son. The son's job was to lick the stamps (back before self-adhesive stamps were available). The little boy balked because he didn't like the taste of the glue on the stamps. His parents prevailed, and reluctantly, he went to his room to finish his assignment.

Before long, he emerged from his room with a big smile on his face and handed his father the pile. Every envelope was stamped. His stunned father said, "But I thought you didn't like the way the stamps tasted when you licked them!"

"Yeah, that was yucky," the son replied. "So I just licked the envelopes and then stuck the stamps on."

Of course, I love a good story about envelopes!

From Napoleon Hill's famous book "Law of Success," comes this summarizing thought: "Just as the oak tree develops from the germ that lies in the acorn, and the bird develops from the germ that lies asleep in the egg, so will your material achievements grow out of the organized plans that you create in your imagination. First comes the thought; then organization of that thought into ideas and plans; then transformation of those plans into reality. The beginning, as you will observe, is in your imagination."

Mackay's Moral: The only person who can put limits on your imagination is you.

life

Clear Thinking Is in Critical Condition

Harvey Mackay by by Harvey Mackay
by Harvey Mackay
Harvey Mackay | July 16th, 2012

A Midwest university professor complained: "We are now focusing more on how to use the tools of communication than we are on how to effectively communicate. ... As a result, we are turning out computer and Internet gurus who can't write and think creatively."

Is writing and thinking creatively important?

Is substance important?

Is critical thinking important?

You bet they are. Making your points to your boss or anyone else requires more than information. It demands the critical thinking that convinces them of your point of view.

I would venture as far as saying that technology has set us back in the general field of thinking, trusting gadgets to do some of our thinking rather than using them to enhance our lives.

Critical thinking has never been more important -- or more challenging. With so much information bombarding us 24/7, sifting through the content to find factual, legitimate and useful material is no small task. Do you believe everything you read or hear? Do you check sources?

Thomas Edison, the genius of invention, had a way of thinking that was both critical and creative. Fortunately, it isn't only a natural-born talent -- it's a habit you can cultivate. Take some lessons from Edison's thinking processes as outlined by Michael Michalko in "Three Lessons in Creativity From Thomas Edison":

-- Question all assumptions. Examine and challenge conventional wisdom. When hiring an employee, it is rumored Edison would invite the person to join him for soup. The person wouldn't get the job if he salted the soup before tasting it.

-- Generate as many ideas as possible. You're more likely to find an idea that works if you test several. Edison is reported to have conducted more than 50,000 experiments before getting the alkaline storage cell battery just right.

-- Analyze your failures. If an experiment fails, set aside some time to think about what you learned. You can re-examine your efforts if you keep notes on your progress and failures.

-- Adapt other ideas. Look for ways to take policies, systems or ideas that are already working somewhere else and turn them into something you can use in your own department.

-- Record all your ideas. Spend time reviewing the ideas and looking for connections. You might find new ways of thinking about something.

These techniques may not make you into Thomas Edison, but they will help you learn to filter out the garbage that clouds your thinking and decision-making. There is plenty of junk floating around out there. I would also recommend these two rules:

-- Avoid jumping to conclusions and snap judgments. For example, you might be tempted to dismiss a new acquaintance because he wears tennis shoes with his suit. You later discover that he's a brilliant thinker with bad feet. Be sure to collect additional information before drawing conclusions about what you see.

-- Don't take a "yes or no" approach to data and decisions. Even the most straightforward questions may contain shades of gray. Make a habit of exploring the edges of a problem and looking beyond the obvious alternatives. Is there a middle path, or one that includes both options?

Changing your thinking patterns takes practice, but as it becomes habit, you'll notice that you will not second-guess yourself as often and will spend less time worrying about "what if?"

Critical thinking can also help you with creative solutions to problems.

A man had traveled about six miles in a taxi when he realized he had left his wallet at home. Knowing he had a problem, he knew he had to take some kind of action. About a block short of his destination he leaned forward and told the driver: "Stop at this hardware store. I need to buy a flashlight so I can look for the hundred dollar bill that I dropped back here."

When he came out of the hardware store, the taxi was gone.

Mackay's Moral: Critical thinking is critical to success.

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