DEAR ABBY: My son took out a couple of education loans, which I cosigned when he was starting college 10 years ago. A couple of years ago, I found out (from someone else) that he never finished college. When I confronted him, he mentioned that he "intends" to finish college and is working toward it. He did not mention how many credits he has completed, what made him quit or why he didn't consult me before dropping out. Shortly after that conversation, he stopped talking to or visiting me for a different reason. We haven't seen each other in two years.

Recently, I received a notice from a debt collector regarding the loan. I tried to contact my son to figure out what he plans to do about the payments, but to no avail. He has always had terrible money habits. Until he stopped talking to me, he relied on me to rescue him whenever he got into money trouble. I had to pay off another of his education loans when he started defaulting a few years back.

Because of all of this, he owes me a significant amount of money. I am at an age where it is important that I build a retirement fund. If I have to pay off this loan, it will put a big dent into my savings. A few people have recommended I take legal action against him. I am, however, reluctant to do so for fear of severing my relationship with him forever. Is there a less aggressive way to have him take accountability for this loan? -- MOM ON THE HOOK

DEAR MOM: Face it, Mom. The son you have bailed out repeatedly is a deadbeat. He is avoiding you because he has no intention of paying back the money for which you so caringly cosigned 10 years ago. Contact an attorney and see what your options may be. Doing that is not aggressive or punitive. It may give you a road map to pull yourself out of this hole.

DEAR ABBY: I recently saw a TV commercial in which a family of four was sitting at a table in a restaurant. The two kids were watching their parents text on their phones instead of socializing with each other and making pleasant conversation. It made me furious. Why? I was taught that it's disrespectful not to give people your exclusive, undivided attention and that there is a time and a place for everything. I think it's one of the reasons why so many people today lack appropriate social skills. Do you agree? -- PRESENT IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR PRESENT: I agree with you 100%. What you saw in that commercial was a textbook example of lazy parenting. You cannot teach young people communication skills without modeling them. This has been a subject of concern for educators and behavioral specialists for at least 30 years. The result has been two generations of adults who have trouble making eye contact when trying to relate with others.

DEAR ABBY: I am reaching out as a single mother grappling with a serious heart-lung condition. My son's father abandoned us when I was pregnant, and I haven't heard from him in more than a decade. Thankfully, my parents have been supportive co-parents during the years when my health made things incredibly challenging.

I have always encouraged my son to express his feelings and have assured him that his emotions are valid. We share a strong bond, and he feels comfortable discussing anything with me. Recently, he confided that he feels unsafe at his grandparents' house, where he spends two nights a week. He revealed that his grandmother is verbally abusive and critical -- laughing at him when he makes mistakes, calling him a "loser," making sneering comments and speaking poorly of me when they are alone, even though she's pleasant to my face.

My mother's behavior is deeply troubling. My son is scared to have me confront her because he's worried he will be punished for sharing his experiences. In any other scenario, I would tell my mother that until she chooses to not abuse, he won't be staying over. However, we have a mediated agreement that allows for those two overnights a week. I fear my mother could manipulate the situation and lie to the courts to maintain this arrangement. What should I do? -- HOPELESS AND OVERWHELMED IN OREGON

DEAR HOPELESS: Something has gone wrong with the arrangement you have with your mother. Any extreme change in behavior is troubling, and if her change of behavior is recent, she may need to be medically evaluated. What you need to do now is discuss this sorry situation with an attorney who may be able to challenge the custody agreement and protect your son from your mother's abuse.

DEAR ABBY: My son "Scot" recently remarried. I wasn't involved in any of the preparations. I was also not acknowledged at the wedding and felt like just another guest. My son decided to change his last name without informing me about it. When I asked why, he said he had no claim to the name even though he has a brother and children with that last name.

Am I wrong for feeling I've been punched in the heart for not being involved in this decision? The hurt is real. -- MOM WHO DOESN'T MATTER

DEAR MOM: With this new marriage, Scot is starting over, and the name change may be his way of creating a new beginning. Obviously, you and your son are not close enough that he confides in you, or he might have spoken to you about his decision and explained it beyond feeling he had "no claim" to the name he, his brother and his children were raised with. Scot's decision was a personal one. Whatever his reason, it has nothing to do with you, and it should not be regarded as a "punch in the heart." (A flip of the stomach, perhaps, but in no way related to you.)

DEAR ABBY: Since I was a small boy, silk fabric has always made me feel "safe." I remember wearing tights in the bathroom in front of the mirror or under my pajamas. Throughout the years, if nobody was around after work, I continued, but not around my wife, kids or now grandkids. I don't know why I enjoy them now in my 50s. Is this OK, or is something wrong with me? Am I missing one can in my six-pack? -- SMOOTH AS SILK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SMOOTH: I don't think you are missing anything in your six-pack or anywhere else. Males have been known to wear silk tights because it helps them stay warmer in cold weather. They have also been known to do it because it feels good next to their skin.

I wish you had mentioned why you felt it was necessary to smuggle this past your wife all these years, because there is nothing shameful about it. (Perhaps if you discuss it with her, she will tell you she wasn't fooled but never mentioned it because you didn't seem eager to talk.)

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my wife and I went out to the cemetery to lay some flowers for her brother and father, who passed away many years ago. After we were finished and on our way out, I stopped for a few minutes to check on my first wife's crypt before returning to the car. When she asked what I had been doing, I told her I was making sure the plastic flowers were still there. My wife was surprised that I still check on her crypt because she had been gone for more than 16 years.

I married my second and current wife 15 years ago. It was a wonderful marriage -- until now. She said her feelings were hurt that I was still checking out the crypt. She asked me how often I do it, and I told her twice a year. She's now upset with me. Was I wrong to pay my respects? My parents' crypts are nearby, and I check on theirs as well. -- STILL CARE IN THE WEST

DEAR STILL CARE: Your wife is being childish, and I hope you will point that out to her. Much as she might wish otherwise, you came to her with a history. (You were, I assume, happily married before your first wife's death.) Tell "Number Two" that checking on your deceased wife's crypt isn't a threat to her unless she chooses to make it so, and that Dear Abby suggests she knock it off before she damages a good thing.

DEAR ABBY: My wife threatens to divorce me in most every situation in which I drink alcohol. The context doesn't matter. Should I divorce her or try to work out another solution? -- THREATENED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR THREATENED: The first thing to do is understand why your wife feels as strongly as she does about your drinking. Does she have a family history in which alcohol played a role? Does your personality change when you drink socially? How much are you drinking on a daily basis? Are other relationships affected by your drinking? Once you have the answer to these questions, you can decide which is more important to you -- the drinking or the marriage.