DEAR ABBY: Since I was a small boy, silk fabric has always made me feel "safe." I remember wearing tights in the bathroom in front of the mirror or under my pajamas. Throughout the years, if nobody was around after work, I continued, but not around my wife, kids or now grandkids. I don't know why I enjoy them now in my 50s. Is this OK, or is something wrong with me? Am I missing one can in my six-pack? -- SMOOTH AS SILK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SMOOTH: I don't think you are missing anything in your six-pack or anywhere else. Males have been known to wear silk tights because it helps them stay warmer in cold weather. They have also been known to do it because it feels good next to their skin.

I wish you had mentioned why you felt it was necessary to smuggle this past your wife all these years, because there is nothing shameful about it. (Perhaps if you discuss it with her, she will tell you she wasn't fooled but never mentioned it because you didn't seem eager to talk.)

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my wife and I went out to the cemetery to lay some flowers for her brother and father, who passed away many years ago. After we were finished and on our way out, I stopped for a few minutes to check on my first wife's crypt before returning to the car. When she asked what I had been doing, I told her I was making sure the plastic flowers were still there. My wife was surprised that I still check on her crypt because she had been gone for more than 16 years.

I married my second and current wife 15 years ago. It was a wonderful marriage -- until now. She said her feelings were hurt that I was still checking out the crypt. She asked me how often I do it, and I told her twice a year. She's now upset with me. Was I wrong to pay my respects? My parents' crypts are nearby, and I check on theirs as well. -- STILL CARE IN THE WEST

DEAR STILL CARE: Your wife is being childish, and I hope you will point that out to her. Much as she might wish otherwise, you came to her with a history. (You were, I assume, happily married before your first wife's death.) Tell "Number Two" that checking on your deceased wife's crypt isn't a threat to her unless she chooses to make it so, and that Dear Abby suggests she knock it off before she damages a good thing.

DEAR ABBY: My wife threatens to divorce me in most every situation in which I drink alcohol. The context doesn't matter. Should I divorce her or try to work out another solution? -- THREATENED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR THREATENED: The first thing to do is understand why your wife feels as strongly as she does about your drinking. Does she have a family history in which alcohol played a role? Does your personality change when you drink socially? How much are you drinking on a daily basis? Are other relationships affected by your drinking? Once you have the answer to these questions, you can decide which is more important to you -- the drinking or the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married more than 20 years to my best friend. She's the love of my life. We have been through a lot together and have been in couples counseling for eight months. We almost divorced last year because of an emotional affair I had seven years ago. (She had a similar distraction last year.)

We are friends and do everything together. I try to do everything right. I'm there for her emotionally. I have stopped drinking every day and developed a positive, mindful and kind mindset. I got myself into shape physically. I earn a good living, help around the house, prepare dinner for all of us and help with kids' appointments and activities.

The problem? My wife has physically withdrawn from me. Anything beyond hugs and kisses is too much for her. Physical intimacy happens less than once a month. I feel alone in my own home because I thrive on touch and affection but receive none. I love my wife and don't want to be with anyone else. The counselor says things "may" turn the corner "in time." In the meantime, how do I function while feeling undesired and rejected on a daily basis? -- FORGOTTEN HUSBAND IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HUSBAND: You have my sympathy. It is possible that as much as you and your wife like and love each other, you are better friends than spouses. Because after eight months of counseling with your wife nothing has changed, there are no gestures of affection and you feel alone in your own home, it's time you found a psychotherapist of your own. It's clear that joint counseling has not been helpful.

DEAR ABBY: How do I get my daughter-in-law, "Darlene," to clean up after herself? I live in the house, pay rent and help with the bills, but she constantly creates a mess in the kitchen and everywhere else. She fills the sink with dishes daily and never washes pots and pans, to the point I can't use the kitchen to cook. Darlene doesn't work and has nothing to do all day but create a disaster and wait for me or my son (her husband) to clean up behind her.

My son and I each work full-time. He does all the laundry, cleaning and cooking. If I say anything, Darlene gets defensive and makes all kinds of excuses why she can't. (It's sheer laziness.) If I say anything to my son, he defends her because she whines and cries about how "tired" she is and claims to have all kinds of illnesses (her stomach hurts, she's on her period or just too tired). She stays up late every night and can't wake up to get my grandson to school, so my son does it every day.

I'm at my wits' end, but I don't want to create an environment where Darlene will ignore me and turn my son against me. Help! -- OUT OF BALANCE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR OUT OF BALANCE: You cannot change the unhealthy dynamic in your son's household unless he and his wife agree to do so. From what you have written, that isn't likely to happen. Be glad that you are fully employed, because the healthiest situation for you would be to make other living arrangements.

DEAR ABBY: I have always looked inside a person before casting judgment. It has been six years that I've been close friends with my neighbor "Tim." I have always regarded him as a Kramer from "Seinfeld."

I have OCD. I am a clean freak. I work hard to support myself and my kids. Tim is on every government program. He's a hoarder. His dog is filthy, and Tim literally has to leave notes posted in his house to "remind" himself to wash his own hands. Tim is politically my opposite. He's narcissistic, and if you disagree with him, he gets crazy, raging with anger. I have remained friendly with him because I feel bad for him.

Tim is always asking me to go out to dinner or an event, and I'm always turning him down. He doesn't have much money, so when he needs something, I help out. Lately, though, because I feel like he's taking me for granted, I have been quietly pushing him away. Tim has now become increasingly needy, both emotionally and financially. How can I end the friendship without sending him into a spiral? -- NEIGHBOR IN NEVADA

DEAR NEIGHBOR: Friendship is supposed to be reciprocal. From your description of your relationship with Tim, it has been all take and no give. Because this relationship has become so lopsided, continue refusing his invitations, be less available when he wants to dump his troubles on you and quit giving him money.

DEAR ABBY: I am tormented by an incident that occurred at a time when I did not have the ability to object or present facts to disagree. My father had given me permission to invite my three close college friends for a holiday dinner. My stepmother evidently objected to it.

A week before the dinner, my stepmother's father began verbally attacking me for inviting my friends, implying that I had been out of line. He said, "Holidays are for family." I was shocked by his statement because I had been taught from elementary school that people invite others for the holiday to share our gratitude for what we have. This could include those who have no family and are alone for the holiday. After that holiday, my stepmother told me I would never have friends over again for any holiday.

In each of the 25 or so years that have passed, that painful incident comes to mind, and I wish I had had the ability to speak out. What would you suggest should have been the proper answer, at the time, in this case? -- SEARCHING FOR CLOSURE

DEAR SEARCHING: You could have told your stepmother that sharing holidays with friends was never forbidden before she came along, but now that she ruled the roost, you and your friends would be celebrating elsewhere. I hope that in your adulthood you have practiced the principle of inclusion which is intrinsic to your nature.