DEAR ABBY: My spouse and I host regular meetings of a book club. It has been very successful; lots of people attend. We serve wonderful food and wine. Two attendees rarely miss this event, although they have never actually been invited. They come by default with their spouses, whom we did invite many years ago.

We are not fond of these two women because they are whiny and annoying. They go on and on about their ailments and life problems, and they rarely have anything insightful to say about the books we discuss.

My spouse and I wonder if they have ever read any book, much less one of the books we cover. We're not sure if anyone else who attends feels the same way, but we do know that some of our friends have hung out with them. I often tell my spouse we need to drop them from the invitation list. She says we can't because the other attendees will notice, and we'll look like the bad guys.

Is my partner right? Is there any way to stop inviting them without looking mean? I'm worried we will be stuck hosting the pair forever into our old age. -- HATES THIS PLOT IN THE WEST

DEAR HATES THIS PLOT: You very well may wind up hosting those two pills in perpetuity, UNLESS at the next meeting, you establish some rules that should have been made clear from the beginning. In order to participate in these get-togethers, members of the group must have read the book under discussion and refrain from discussing other topics during the meetings. To do this is not unreasonable.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and I recently got into an argument about her mortgage. I'm on the mortgage and title to her home because she couldn't afford to be on it by herself and needed my income and credit to help her. So, I did. I helped her.

I am now married, and my husband would like to refinance our home. The problem is, I'm still on the mortgage to my mother's house. I have asked her twice before to let me off the mortgage, and she responded by saying, "I can't. I need you." When I asked again this last time, she blew up at me.

She thinks my husband is controlling me or manipulating me to ask her to let me off the mortgage. Now she "hates him" and doesn't want to see him or his family. She's barely talking to me and acting super-cruel and vindictive. It hurts me that she is acting like a 5-year-old having a temper tantrum. I'm so sad. I just don't know what to do anymore. Advice? -- ENSLAVED IN MARYLAND

DEAR ENSLAVED: You have my sympathy. Getting your name (and the financial guarantee that goes with it) off your mother's mortgage may not be as simple as you would wish. It's time you spoke about this with an attorney with an expertise in real estate, because extricating yourself may be both time consuming and expensive.

DEAR ABBY: I just concluded a five-day visit hosting some young relatives. Both are adults in their early 30s. They have full-time jobs and make decent money, although they spend it as fast as they get it. My concern is their pot smoking.

Recreational marijuana is legal here as well as where they live. During their visit, they smoked joints before breakfast, mid-morning, after lunch, before dinner, after dinner and before bed. I would estimate they smoked five to seven joints a day apiece. They repeatedly commented that what they bought here was much stronger than what they could get at home. I suggested maybe they should, therefore, smoke a bit less, but I got a "we're on vacation" response.

They interspersed the smoking with high-caffeine energy drinks. Both exhibited a lot of anxiety and paranoia. Multiple times, they drove their rented car after smoking, and they would have gotten a DUI had they had been stopped for any reason.

I said nothing about their pot consumption during the visit, but then I thought that if they had seen me with a fresh glass of wine in my hand at breakfast, followed by five or six more over the course of the day, they would have been concerned about my habits. Am I crazy to be concerned about theirs?

I don't know if this is how they spend their regular days off from work, or if this was a vacation binge. Should I keep my mouth shut and just let it go, or should I try to discuss it with them now that their visit is concluded? -- OBSERVER IN OREGON

DEAR OBSERVER: How these fully employed relatives spend their money is not a subject you should raise. However, you do have the right to tell them you were concerned about not only the amount of pot they were smoking during their visit, but also the fact that they were driving under the influence. Marijuana may be legal, but that does not make it advisable to use in every situation. Being stoned slows down reaction time and puts them and other drivers at risk.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been living with his parents for the past two years. We are ready to move, but it feels like his parents want us to live with them forever. I'm ready to just leave, but I don't want to cause drama. His father calls me rude names and fights with my fiance. I don't want my daughter living this way anymore. Should I just walk out, or should I explain to them first what our plans are and then leave? -- HAD ENOUGH IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: I suspect there is at least one chapter and verse missing from your letter. Rather than leave in a huff or sneak away with no explanation, you and your fiance should thank his parents for allowing you to live with them for the last two years, tell them you have found a place of your own now and leave as pleasantly as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior male who has been married and divorced twice. For the last eight years, I have been in a relationship with an amazing woman. She has always had some control issues, but because of the love we share, I was able to look past them.

I've always been the one who paid for everything. I recently had some heart issues and was unable to work my part-time job, so my income was reduced. I was no longer able to continue to do the things she was used to. She recently retired and wants to do more traveling, which, at this time, I can't afford. This has caused friction.

Two years ago, I put a ring on her finger, which she accepted with reservation, telling me she never wanted to get married or live together. She likes things the way they are. She recently told me she's no longer in love with me the way she had been.

I don't want to think badly of her, but I think it's because of my health and financial issues. This hurts so bad. For some reason, I still love her and can't move on. I'm a hopeless romantic and a true gentleman. I'm gun-shy about trying again at 70, but I hate being alone and depressed. What do you suggest? -- DISILLUSIONED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: I am sorry you are depressed and hurting. From what you have written, I can only conclude that when you were paying for everything, your ladylove liked the ride she was on. Now that things have changed financially, she has jumped off, so to speak. You may not believe this right now, but you are lucky she has shown her true colors.

You do not have to stay alone and depressed. You also do not have to participate in relationships that are all give and no take. With this in mind, look for women who are independent and willing to share some of the financial costs of a relationship. You may be surprised to find that there are many out there.

DEAR ABBY: My wealthy uphill neighbor and I share a retaining wall, which has been damaged by her reckless irrigation practices. Since the damage can be seen only from my side, she's not concerned.

An inspector recommended excavating on her side to allow waterproofing the wall and installing a drainpipe. I wanted to bring in a wall contractor to get an estimate, but she would not allow it. Evidently, she doesn't want any of the plants in her backyard disturbed.

Two weeks ago, she notified me by certified mail that she would no longer communicate with me. The city says it doesn't get involved in beefs between neighbors. I'm at my wits' end. Any advice? -- HOG-TIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOG-TIED: Because water causes erosion, it is only a matter of time before your property is affected by your neighbor's drainage. She may have sent you that certified letter on advice from her lawyer. This is why you now need to engage legal counsel of your own. She's a difficult person, and you need to protect yourself and your property.