DEAR ABBY: I just concluded a five-day visit hosting some young relatives. Both are adults in their early 30s. They have full-time jobs and make decent money, although they spend it as fast as they get it. My concern is their pot smoking.

Recreational marijuana is legal here as well as where they live. During their visit, they smoked joints before breakfast, mid-morning, after lunch, before dinner, after dinner and before bed. I would estimate they smoked five to seven joints a day apiece. They repeatedly commented that what they bought here was much stronger than what they could get at home. I suggested maybe they should, therefore, smoke a bit less, but I got a "we're on vacation" response.

They interspersed the smoking with high-caffeine energy drinks. Both exhibited a lot of anxiety and paranoia. Multiple times, they drove their rented car after smoking, and they would have gotten a DUI had they had been stopped for any reason.

I said nothing about their pot consumption during the visit, but then I thought that if they had seen me with a fresh glass of wine in my hand at breakfast, followed by five or six more over the course of the day, they would have been concerned about my habits. Am I crazy to be concerned about theirs?

I don't know if this is how they spend their regular days off from work, or if this was a vacation binge. Should I keep my mouth shut and just let it go, or should I try to discuss it with them now that their visit is concluded? -- OBSERVER IN OREGON

DEAR OBSERVER: How these fully employed relatives spend their money is not a subject you should raise. However, you do have the right to tell them you were concerned about not only the amount of pot they were smoking during their visit, but also the fact that they were driving under the influence. Marijuana may be legal, but that does not make it advisable to use in every situation. Being stoned slows down reaction time and puts them and other drivers at risk.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been living with his parents for the past two years. We are ready to move, but it feels like his parents want us to live with them forever. I'm ready to just leave, but I don't want to cause drama. His father calls me rude names and fights with my fiance. I don't want my daughter living this way anymore. Should I just walk out, or should I explain to them first what our plans are and then leave? -- HAD ENOUGH IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: I suspect there is at least one chapter and verse missing from your letter. Rather than leave in a huff or sneak away with no explanation, you and your fiance should thank his parents for allowing you to live with them for the last two years, tell them you have found a place of your own now and leave as pleasantly as possible.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior male who has been married and divorced twice. For the last eight years, I have been in a relationship with an amazing woman. She has always had some control issues, but because of the love we share, I was able to look past them.

I've always been the one who paid for everything. I recently had some heart issues and was unable to work my part-time job, so my income was reduced. I was no longer able to continue to do the things she was used to. She recently retired and wants to do more traveling, which, at this time, I can't afford. This has caused friction.

Two years ago, I put a ring on her finger, which she accepted with reservation, telling me she never wanted to get married or live together. She likes things the way they are. She recently told me she's no longer in love with me the way she had been.

I don't want to think badly of her, but I think it's because of my health and financial issues. This hurts so bad. For some reason, I still love her and can't move on. I'm a hopeless romantic and a true gentleman. I'm gun-shy about trying again at 70, but I hate being alone and depressed. What do you suggest? -- DISILLUSIONED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: I am sorry you are depressed and hurting. From what you have written, I can only conclude that when you were paying for everything, your ladylove liked the ride she was on. Now that things have changed financially, she has jumped off, so to speak. You may not believe this right now, but you are lucky she has shown her true colors.

You do not have to stay alone and depressed. You also do not have to participate in relationships that are all give and no take. With this in mind, look for women who are independent and willing to share some of the financial costs of a relationship. You may be surprised to find that there are many out there.

DEAR ABBY: My wealthy uphill neighbor and I share a retaining wall, which has been damaged by her reckless irrigation practices. Since the damage can be seen only from my side, she's not concerned.

An inspector recommended excavating on her side to allow waterproofing the wall and installing a drainpipe. I wanted to bring in a wall contractor to get an estimate, but she would not allow it. Evidently, she doesn't want any of the plants in her backyard disturbed.

Two weeks ago, she notified me by certified mail that she would no longer communicate with me. The city says it doesn't get involved in beefs between neighbors. I'm at my wits' end. Any advice? -- HOG-TIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOG-TIED: Because water causes erosion, it is only a matter of time before your property is affected by your neighbor's drainage. She may have sent you that certified letter on advice from her lawyer. This is why you now need to engage legal counsel of your own. She's a difficult person, and you need to protect yourself and your property.

DEAR ABBY: I was always the wild child and did pretty much what I wanted. My four siblings stuck to the straight and narrow. We stayed close and loving, though. We are old now, and they all lead very comfortable lives. I, however, became injured and gravely ill. I could no longer work and now live on supplemental security income and food stamps.

My siblings all give generously to food banks and homeless charities, even putting some homeless people up in hotels, which is great. But not one of them thinks to ask me if I have enough food or anything. I'm really hurt. Luckily, my affordable housing will offer some food for the residents, so I'm OK.

Should I say anything to my siblings? Occasionally, in the past, they have helped me, like buying me a chest of drawers or some other minor thing. They could easily support me if they wanted to. Should I just be grateful for that? -- UNDERPERFORMING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNDERPERFORMING: Your relatives are not mind readers. If you need help, speak up, explain the problem and ask for help in plain English. The worst they can do is refuse, and you will be no worse off than you are.

DEAR ABBY: I'm worried about my husband's grief response. His mom collapsed and died in our driveway. At the time, I responded quickly. I made sure everyone was fed and paid for the funeral service. That was all fine. But now, I don't understand why he's not grieving. I love my husband very much, but this has me confused. Please advise. -- LETTING IT OUT IN OREGON

DEAR LETTING IT OUT: Please accept my sympathy for the shocking loss of your mother-in-law. We are not clones in the way we respond to death. Everyone does it differently, including your husband. If his mother was a strong influence in his life, he will feel her absence. If he's still eating and sleeping well and is able to concentrate, do not let this absence of emotion worry you. This is his journey, and if anything changes, your doctor can refer him to a grief support group.

DEAR ABBY: I am a disabled person. When I go to doctors' offices or restaurants, there are usually two doors to get in. Sometimes, if someone is coming in or out, they will hold the door open for me. However, when they do, almost every time, another person will push past me, almost knocking me down.

What can I say to them about their rudeness? One of these days they might be in my position and need someone to hold the door for them. The next time it happens, I'm going to tell them "The door was held open for the disabled person, not for you. Be glad you can walk well!" What would you say, Abby? I can't believe how rude the country is getting. -- TRYING TO GET THROUGH IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TRYING: A better word than "rude" to use would be "entitled." If it happened to me, I would say loudly that the door was held for me because of my disability. Then I would add how fortunate I felt not to have been injured again this time.