DEAR ABBY: I was always the wild child and did pretty much what I wanted. My four siblings stuck to the straight and narrow. We stayed close and loving, though. We are old now, and they all lead very comfortable lives. I, however, became injured and gravely ill. I could no longer work and now live on supplemental security income and food stamps.

My siblings all give generously to food banks and homeless charities, even putting some homeless people up in hotels, which is great. But not one of them thinks to ask me if I have enough food or anything. I'm really hurt. Luckily, my affordable housing will offer some food for the residents, so I'm OK.

Should I say anything to my siblings? Occasionally, in the past, they have helped me, like buying me a chest of drawers or some other minor thing. They could easily support me if they wanted to. Should I just be grateful for that? -- UNDERPERFORMING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR UNDERPERFORMING: Your relatives are not mind readers. If you need help, speak up, explain the problem and ask for help in plain English. The worst they can do is refuse, and you will be no worse off than you are.

DEAR ABBY: I'm worried about my husband's grief response. His mom collapsed and died in our driveway. At the time, I responded quickly. I made sure everyone was fed and paid for the funeral service. That was all fine. But now, I don't understand why he's not grieving. I love my husband very much, but this has me confused. Please advise. -- LETTING IT OUT IN OREGON

DEAR LETTING IT OUT: Please accept my sympathy for the shocking loss of your mother-in-law. We are not clones in the way we respond to death. Everyone does it differently, including your husband. If his mother was a strong influence in his life, he will feel her absence. If he's still eating and sleeping well and is able to concentrate, do not let this absence of emotion worry you. This is his journey, and if anything changes, your doctor can refer him to a grief support group.

DEAR ABBY: I am a disabled person. When I go to doctors' offices or restaurants, there are usually two doors to get in. Sometimes, if someone is coming in or out, they will hold the door open for me. However, when they do, almost every time, another person will push past me, almost knocking me down.

What can I say to them about their rudeness? One of these days they might be in my position and need someone to hold the door for them. The next time it happens, I'm going to tell them "The door was held open for the disabled person, not for you. Be glad you can walk well!" What would you say, Abby? I can't believe how rude the country is getting. -- TRYING TO GET THROUGH IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TRYING: A better word than "rude" to use would be "entitled." If it happened to me, I would say loudly that the door was held for me because of my disability. Then I would add how fortunate I felt not to have been injured again this time.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my boyfriend for 17 years. He has a friend, "Byron," whom he hangs out with multiple times a week, sometimes up to six days. Byron's wife, "Crystal," (married 22 years) is always attached to Byron's hip. They do everything together.

Crystal needs to be the center of attention. She constantly brags about herself and speaks louder so she gets all the attention. She's always texting my boyfriend, even sending him pictures of herself. My boyfriend says it's harmless and that there's nothing to be worried about because "she's his friend's wife." To me, that means nothing. Crystal is very competitive, and I feel like she's trying to win him over. I'm about ready to let her win because I'm not a confrontational person.

I hang out with them often, so I can distract her and let my boyfriend talk to Byron without her. But I get so exhausted. It's nonstop. She's definitely going out of bounds, treating my boyfriend like her man.

I've mentioned my dislike of the situation but have been told it's my problem (I'm jealous), not his. My boyfriend says I'm acting too clingy now because I always want to be there to keep them separated, but it's wearing on me. Am I reading too much into this? -- ENCROACHED ON IN VERMONT

DEAR ENCROACHED: No, I think you have probably read Crystal, and her insatiable need for attention, right. Because trying to shield your boyfriend from her attempts to monopolize him hasn't worked, it may be time for a change in tactics. By that, I mean stop tagging along so often. Give him space, while you use the time to get together with friends, family or some other activity you enjoy. If you do, you and your boyfriend will have more to talk about when he returns from these marathons. As I see it, you have nothing to lose and possibly something to gain by trying it.

DEAR ABBY: I am in the process of leaving my husband of 15 years. He has admitted that he used to have sex with me while I was sleeping and when I was passed out drunk back when I had a drinking problem. He's aware that I was molested when I was younger and that most of it took place when I was sleeping and I would wake up to it happening. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. He says he was gentle and it was OK because I'm his wife and it's better than cheating on me. This has permanently scarred me. I don't know how to handle it. Please help. -- TRAUMATIZED IN NEW YORK

DEAR TRAUMATIZED: You have my sympathy. If you haven't sought counseling, I hope you will do it to help you process the fact that the assaults you have described were spousal rape. Sex with a person who is unable to give consent is illegal in all 50 states. For the sake of your mental health, please talk with a psychotherapist, who can help you to heal as well as report this to the police. A helpful resource that has been mentioned in my column many times is RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. You will find it at rainn.org.

DEAR ABBY: I supervise a group of six mid-level professionals. Usually, we manage fine, but a current conflict may push me over the edge. "Lauren" lives alone with dogs that seem to be her only family. One of them (age 11) had been sick. She kept asking for sick leave to take him to the vet. I told her she had to use vacation time for that.

Well, the dog died, and now Lauren wants to take bereavement leave. When I refused, she had a fit and started yelling about unequal treatment because another co-worker, "Jenny," was allowed to take bereavement leave earlier this year.

Jenny's toddler son died in a drowning accident. It was a horrific tragedy. Jenny was traumatized and incapacitated for weeks. The situations are not comparable. But Jenny heard Lauren yelling and comparing Jenny's child to her elderly basset hound. This is causing all sorts of interpersonal problems that HR has flatly refused to get involved with.

I understand that Lauren loved her dog, but I also think she needs to get a grip, apologize to Jenny and take a vacation if she needs to. Is it unreasonable to expect an adult to know the difference between a human and a dog and act accordingly? -- STRESSED SUPERVISOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SUPERVISOR: I think you already know the answer to your rather snarky question. HR at your firm may be reluctant to handle this hot potato because they do not have a policy in place that covers pet illness or bereavement for the loss of one. Please suggest it to your employer.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are seniors and live in a one-floor condominium. I am in good health, but she has several medical issues, including impaired balance and mobility. She refuses the recommended physical therapy and rarely uses the walker I bought for her. She hates cooking now and wants me to drive almost daily for takeout, which is expensive and time-consuming. Now, she's talking about selling our condominium to move into a seniors' complex with independent, assisted and continuing care phases. All meals are prepared there.

I do not want this move and have told her so. When I do, she goes silent for days, telling me it's time for the change. I disagree. We are at an impasse. I am so upset about this I am considering divorce after 55 years. What do you recommend we do? -- STILL YOUNG IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STILL YOUNG: I recommend you discuss this with your CPA and your attorney before making any decisions. If you could afford it, an assisted living facility for her while you remain in the condo might be ideal. However, if that's not possible, would you be willing to send her to the facility while you rent a one-bedroom apartment for yourself?

One thing I am pretty sure of: Your wife is signaling that she's shutting down. Her world is now smaller than it was. You haven't aged at the same rate, and it may be time to do for her what you would like her to do for you if the situation were reversed.