DEAR ABBY: I've been with my boyfriend for 17 years. He has a friend, "Byron," whom he hangs out with multiple times a week, sometimes up to six days. Byron's wife, "Crystal," (married 22 years) is always attached to Byron's hip. They do everything together.

Crystal needs to be the center of attention. She constantly brags about herself and speaks louder so she gets all the attention. She's always texting my boyfriend, even sending him pictures of herself. My boyfriend says it's harmless and that there's nothing to be worried about because "she's his friend's wife." To me, that means nothing. Crystal is very competitive, and I feel like she's trying to win him over. I'm about ready to let her win because I'm not a confrontational person.

I hang out with them often, so I can distract her and let my boyfriend talk to Byron without her. But I get so exhausted. It's nonstop. She's definitely going out of bounds, treating my boyfriend like her man.

I've mentioned my dislike of the situation but have been told it's my problem (I'm jealous), not his. My boyfriend says I'm acting too clingy now because I always want to be there to keep them separated, but it's wearing on me. Am I reading too much into this? -- ENCROACHED ON IN VERMONT

DEAR ENCROACHED: No, I think you have probably read Crystal, and her insatiable need for attention, right. Because trying to shield your boyfriend from her attempts to monopolize him hasn't worked, it may be time for a change in tactics. By that, I mean stop tagging along so often. Give him space, while you use the time to get together with friends, family or some other activity you enjoy. If you do, you and your boyfriend will have more to talk about when he returns from these marathons. As I see it, you have nothing to lose and possibly something to gain by trying it.

DEAR ABBY: I am in the process of leaving my husband of 15 years. He has admitted that he used to have sex with me while I was sleeping and when I was passed out drunk back when I had a drinking problem. He's aware that I was molested when I was younger and that most of it took place when I was sleeping and I would wake up to it happening. He doesn't see anything wrong with it. He says he was gentle and it was OK because I'm his wife and it's better than cheating on me. This has permanently scarred me. I don't know how to handle it. Please help. -- TRAUMATIZED IN NEW YORK

DEAR TRAUMATIZED: You have my sympathy. If you haven't sought counseling, I hope you will do it to help you process the fact that the assaults you have described were spousal rape. Sex with a person who is unable to give consent is illegal in all 50 states. For the sake of your mental health, please talk with a psychotherapist, who can help you to heal as well as report this to the police. A helpful resource that has been mentioned in my column many times is RAINN, the Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network. You will find it at rainn.org.

DEAR ABBY: I supervise a group of six mid-level professionals. Usually, we manage fine, but a current conflict may push me over the edge. "Lauren" lives alone with dogs that seem to be her only family. One of them (age 11) had been sick. She kept asking for sick leave to take him to the vet. I told her she had to use vacation time for that.

Well, the dog died, and now Lauren wants to take bereavement leave. When I refused, she had a fit and started yelling about unequal treatment because another co-worker, "Jenny," was allowed to take bereavement leave earlier this year.

Jenny's toddler son died in a drowning accident. It was a horrific tragedy. Jenny was traumatized and incapacitated for weeks. The situations are not comparable. But Jenny heard Lauren yelling and comparing Jenny's child to her elderly basset hound. This is causing all sorts of interpersonal problems that HR has flatly refused to get involved with.

I understand that Lauren loved her dog, but I also think she needs to get a grip, apologize to Jenny and take a vacation if she needs to. Is it unreasonable to expect an adult to know the difference between a human and a dog and act accordingly? -- STRESSED SUPERVISOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SUPERVISOR: I think you already know the answer to your rather snarky question. HR at your firm may be reluctant to handle this hot potato because they do not have a policy in place that covers pet illness or bereavement for the loss of one. Please suggest it to your employer.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are seniors and live in a one-floor condominium. I am in good health, but she has several medical issues, including impaired balance and mobility. She refuses the recommended physical therapy and rarely uses the walker I bought for her. She hates cooking now and wants me to drive almost daily for takeout, which is expensive and time-consuming. Now, she's talking about selling our condominium to move into a seniors' complex with independent, assisted and continuing care phases. All meals are prepared there.

I do not want this move and have told her so. When I do, she goes silent for days, telling me it's time for the change. I disagree. We are at an impasse. I am so upset about this I am considering divorce after 55 years. What do you recommend we do? -- STILL YOUNG IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STILL YOUNG: I recommend you discuss this with your CPA and your attorney before making any decisions. If you could afford it, an assisted living facility for her while you remain in the condo might be ideal. However, if that's not possible, would you be willing to send her to the facility while you rent a one-bedroom apartment for yourself?

One thing I am pretty sure of: Your wife is signaling that she's shutting down. Her world is now smaller than it was. You haven't aged at the same rate, and it may be time to do for her what you would like her to do for you if the situation were reversed.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a baby in five months. My doctor is recommending that anyone who visits the baby in the first three months be up to date on vaccines (Tdap, flu, COVID and RSV, if age 60-plus). We have decided to follow our doctor's recommendations.

Some of my family members are resistant to getting these vaccines and want us to consider other options, like testing and wearing a mask, which is not as safe. Also, it would be hard for younger kids to do -- my niece is 3. Abby, we vaccinated our young children (3 and 5) at the time when our niece was born, as part of what my sister requested.

I am already stressed about this situation and do not want to talk it to death with my family, and I have grown resentful because of it. In the past, I have set boundaries with my family, and most of them have not been understood or received well. Can you offer me some guidance? -- EXPECTING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR EXPECTING: I am happy to try. When your baby arrives, the responsibility for its welfare will rest mostly on you, the mother. Follow your doctor's medical advice to protect your child. If family members don't want to respect your wishes and do what they must to avoid endangering your baby (as you did for them), realize you can't change their minds, and keep your distance for the first three months.

DEAR ABBY: For nearly five years, my adult daughter was a domestic violence victim. My husband and I have done everything to support her freedom and new path. However, during her journey, she claimed that I had been abusive to her as a child. I do not recall any action I took that could be considered abusive, nor does my husband or her siblings.

I am finding it difficult to rationalize her recollection of events when she didn't recognize her recent relationship was abusive. Anyhow, I've recommended individual and group therapy. However, I have not admitted to any abuse because it didn't happen. We all feel she's projecting her anger and resentment from this recent relationship onto me because I was honest from the beginning that I saw red flags. We had candid conversations about the offender prior to the separation. But she keeps defending him and blaming me for having inflicted pain and suffering on her.

Please tell me what you suggest I do to resolve this situation, as it is destroying our family. -- DUMBFOUNDED IN DELAWARE

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Your daughter appears to be a troubled individual. I'm glad that you suggested therapy. The kind I would recommend would be family therapy, in which every member has a chance to air their "truths." When someone in an abusive relationship attempts to deflect blame from their abuser onto someone else, they may be avoiding reality. A licensed psychotherapist could help put your daughter back on the right track.