DEAR ABBY: I supervise a group of six mid-level professionals. Usually, we manage fine, but a current conflict may push me over the edge. "Lauren" lives alone with dogs that seem to be her only family. One of them (age 11) had been sick. She kept asking for sick leave to take him to the vet. I told her she had to use vacation time for that.

Well, the dog died, and now Lauren wants to take bereavement leave. When I refused, she had a fit and started yelling about unequal treatment because another co-worker, "Jenny," was allowed to take bereavement leave earlier this year.

Jenny's toddler son died in a drowning accident. It was a horrific tragedy. Jenny was traumatized and incapacitated for weeks. The situations are not comparable. But Jenny heard Lauren yelling and comparing Jenny's child to her elderly basset hound. This is causing all sorts of interpersonal problems that HR has flatly refused to get involved with.

I understand that Lauren loved her dog, but I also think she needs to get a grip, apologize to Jenny and take a vacation if she needs to. Is it unreasonable to expect an adult to know the difference between a human and a dog and act accordingly? -- STRESSED SUPERVISOR IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SUPERVISOR: I think you already know the answer to your rather snarky question. HR at your firm may be reluctant to handle this hot potato because they do not have a policy in place that covers pet illness or bereavement for the loss of one. Please suggest it to your employer.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are seniors and live in a one-floor condominium. I am in good health, but she has several medical issues, including impaired balance and mobility. She refuses the recommended physical therapy and rarely uses the walker I bought for her. She hates cooking now and wants me to drive almost daily for takeout, which is expensive and time-consuming. Now, she's talking about selling our condominium to move into a seniors' complex with independent, assisted and continuing care phases. All meals are prepared there.

I do not want this move and have told her so. When I do, she goes silent for days, telling me it's time for the change. I disagree. We are at an impasse. I am so upset about this I am considering divorce after 55 years. What do you recommend we do? -- STILL YOUNG IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR STILL YOUNG: I recommend you discuss this with your CPA and your attorney before making any decisions. If you could afford it, an assisted living facility for her while you remain in the condo might be ideal. However, if that's not possible, would you be willing to send her to the facility while you rent a one-bedroom apartment for yourself?

One thing I am pretty sure of: Your wife is signaling that she's shutting down. Her world is now smaller than it was. You haven't aged at the same rate, and it may be time to do for her what you would like her to do for you if the situation were reversed.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a baby in five months. My doctor is recommending that anyone who visits the baby in the first three months be up to date on vaccines (Tdap, flu, COVID and RSV, if age 60-plus). We have decided to follow our doctor's recommendations.

Some of my family members are resistant to getting these vaccines and want us to consider other options, like testing and wearing a mask, which is not as safe. Also, it would be hard for younger kids to do -- my niece is 3. Abby, we vaccinated our young children (3 and 5) at the time when our niece was born, as part of what my sister requested.

I am already stressed about this situation and do not want to talk it to death with my family, and I have grown resentful because of it. In the past, I have set boundaries with my family, and most of them have not been understood or received well. Can you offer me some guidance? -- EXPECTING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR EXPECTING: I am happy to try. When your baby arrives, the responsibility for its welfare will rest mostly on you, the mother. Follow your doctor's medical advice to protect your child. If family members don't want to respect your wishes and do what they must to avoid endangering your baby (as you did for them), realize you can't change their minds, and keep your distance for the first three months.

DEAR ABBY: For nearly five years, my adult daughter was a domestic violence victim. My husband and I have done everything to support her freedom and new path. However, during her journey, she claimed that I had been abusive to her as a child. I do not recall any action I took that could be considered abusive, nor does my husband or her siblings.

I am finding it difficult to rationalize her recollection of events when she didn't recognize her recent relationship was abusive. Anyhow, I've recommended individual and group therapy. However, I have not admitted to any abuse because it didn't happen. We all feel she's projecting her anger and resentment from this recent relationship onto me because I was honest from the beginning that I saw red flags. We had candid conversations about the offender prior to the separation. But she keeps defending him and blaming me for having inflicted pain and suffering on her.

Please tell me what you suggest I do to resolve this situation, as it is destroying our family. -- DUMBFOUNDED IN DELAWARE

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: Your daughter appears to be a troubled individual. I'm glad that you suggested therapy. The kind I would recommend would be family therapy, in which every member has a chance to air their "truths." When someone in an abusive relationship attempts to deflect blame from their abuser onto someone else, they may be avoiding reality. A licensed psychotherapist could help put your daughter back on the right track.

DEAR ABBY: At a recent family gathering, my sister-in-law "Paula" asked my husband if she could use our bathroom. We have three in our home -- one off the kitchen, one upstairs and one in our upstairs bedroom suite. Despite the fact that she and my husband both know of my incontinence problem, she asked him to use our bathroom "for privacy."

I had to run upstairs to use my bathroom. It was urgent. To my surprise, there she was using my bathroom. (We don't even allow our children to use this bathroom.) Because I couldn't make it to the toilet, I had a wetting accident. While I could have used any of the other bathrooms, I chose to use my own, expecting that it was vacant, knowing the other bathrooms were free for our guests.

I was extremely upset with Paula. I yelled at her, and when she saw what had happened, she was extremely apologetic. Abby, Paula knows I have bladder control issues, yet she ignored it. My husband heard the commotion and hollered at me for yelling at his sister. Did I do wrong here? He has a hard time saying no to family, but jeepers, I needed a toilet! What should I have done? -- GOTTA GO IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GOTTA GO: Incontinence can happen to anyone at any age. It isn't just little old ladies. Between 24% and 45% of women have reported urinary incontinence, "the problem no one wants to discuss." According to statistics from the National Institute of Health approximately 13 million individuals were affected by urinary incontinence in 2024.

You were wrong to yell at your sister-in-law, who had been granted permission to use that bathroom, but it's understandable given your distress and embarrassment. If you haven't apologized to her, you should. Frankly, the person who deserved yelling at is your husband, who may never understand the "urgency" until he experiences it himself. (Many men do!)

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, you printed a letter from a grandmother who was upset about having to raise her grandson because his parents lacked the desire to do so. I never forgot that letter.

Long before it was published, my husband and I gained custody of our 7-year-old grandson, "Keith." My husband and I were both retired and had been spending our winters in Florida. We gave up the Florida trips (willingly) to stay home and take care of our grandson.

Keith had always spent a lot of time with us, but he was still upset that his parents had "given him away." So, to keep busy, we joined karate, Boy Scouts, 4-H and school sports. It was one of the best times of my life. I learned new things and made new friends with grandmothers who were also raising grandchildren.

Keith graduated from high school, found a good job, bought a house and recently married. We did OK! I hope "Like a Mom in South Carolina" (Nov. 3, 2022) is doing well, too. -- GRATEFUL GRANDMA IN NEW YORK

DEAR GRANDMA: Many grandparents today are raising their grandchildren, and many of them have success stories similar to your own. Congratulations on yours, and thank you for sharing.