DEAR ABBY: My husband is 76 but doesn't look a day over 60. He has a full head of hair with little graying, no facial wrinkles, and he's fairly fit. I'm 71 and look every day my age, probably older. I have graying hair -- lots of it -- but I like the color and will never dye it. I am fit, but the deep facial wrinkles and turkey neck emphasize my age. I "thank" my husband, a man I've lived with for 40 years, for this. He has given me years of stress and disappointment.

My issue: When we are out together, strangers inevitably tell him how shocked or surprised they are at how he "doesn't look how old he is." I'm left sitting right there feeling as if they think I'm his mother. Every time this happens, for days and sometimes weeks, he will spend time staring at himself in the mirror and reminding me how lucky I am to have such a handsome husband. He has always had an ego problem, but it is getting worse. Is there a response to get him to get over himself? -- MR. HANDSOME'S WIFE

DEAR WIFE: It is my observation that people who compulsively stare into mirrors do it not out of ego but because of insecurity. When your husband does this, does he actually tell you how lucky you are to have such a handsome husband, or is that something you think he is thinking? He is the way his genetics have made him, and the same is true of you.

If you feel bad about yourself because you think people are making unflattering comparisons between the two of you, consider discussing it with your dermatologist to see if there are some simple procedures that might make you feel better about yourself.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in his 60s. His brother, "Al," (two years younger) has been living in their mother's house for the last 35 years. Before she died seven years ago, she put her house in my husband's name. For all those seven years, Al has been lying to him, promising he's going to move out "any day now." If I try to tell my husband Al may have squatter's rights and is never going to move, my husband becomes verbally abusive and threatens me.

Now that my husband is starting to face the fact that his brother will never move, he has become even more abusive toward me and is trying to drive me out of my own home. He knows I will get half of everything in a divorce because we have been married 31 years. When I suggested mediation, he kicked our dog. We also have loaded weapons in the house. He says he wants a divorce but can't afford one. -- UNEASY IN THE EAST

DEAR UNEASY: You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter. Because your husband's behavior is escalating, you need to get out of there. The next time he becomes violent, instead of kicking the dog, he may hurt you.

Contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233) and talk with an advocate who can help you escape safely. You should also consult an attorney about how to protect yourself and file a police report about your husband's threatening behavior. He may not be able to afford a divorce, but you can't afford not to get one.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of several years, "Guy," often asks me to take a trip with him. I have researched accommodations at the suggested destinations, only to have him say they are too pricey. Thus, we never go anywhere, although he could easily afford it.

Now his brother (whom I've never met) has suggested a family cruise and suggested that Guy bring along his ex-wife, who is in the early stages of dementia. Guy has been divorced from her for decades. I haven't said anything to him about this, though I am shocked and hurt that when a trip is finally planned, Guy thinks it's fine to take her rather than me. I'd be OK with him not taking either of us, but not with choosing her over me. Am I the crazy one here?

P.S. Right now, I am dog-sitting for Guy for the second time in a month while he's out of state for a week attending to his ex-wife's legal matters, including her will. -- HOME ALONE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HOME ALONE: Something definitely seems out of focus in this family picture. Your boyfriend has been divorced from his ex for decades. Is his brother oblivious to the fact that you have been Guy's companion for several years? If this is a question of money, it seems to me that a more practical solution than leaving you out would be for Guy to bring you along on the cruise and he and his brother split the cost of including his former wife.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dan," and I are separated. Our children are ages 20 and 22. Dan has just been diagnosed with some type of serious medical issue (likely life-threatening). He has shared the information with our children but refuses to explain to me what is happening. I am not being nosy; I simply believe that I should be aware of what's going on for the sake of our children.

Our kids are not currently on speaking terms, so they won't discuss the issue with each other. One of them still lives at home and has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, PTSD and major depressive disorder. They are not doing well and have been hospitalized multiple times over the past five years. They have no friends and no contact with extended family. The only people they interact with are me and their father.

I feel it is very important to keep me informed so I can offer support and help both of our children deal with whatever is happening. Am I wrong to ask my ex to explain to me what is going on? -- IN THE DARK IN VERMONT

DEAR IN THE DARK: You are not wrong to ask your estranged husband for that information, in light of the fact that one of the children you share has so many mental health challenges. However, if he refuses, you will have to accept it and deal with your children as best you can with limited information. Believe me, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My husband developed an addiction to slot machines, but I didn't realize it. He would leave the house in the early morning before I woke up. Abby, he gambled away every single asset we had accumulated during our 58 years of marriage -- somewhere around $600,000! I found out after he asked his grown children for "grocery money."

We are now bankrupt and must rely on our son, who offered to bail us out if he could be the trustee of our land, home, everything. He takes our monthly pensions and gives us a tiny allowance when we beg for something, but we are so poor we can't see a movie, eat out or go anywhere, including to visit our other kids.

I'm extremely depressed that nothing can solve this problem for the rest of my life. I'd find another job teaching, but I'm in my 80s and have limited mobility. At least I'm still in my home. I realize this is a dead-end street, but it helps to vent. Can you comment? -- LOST IT ALL IN TEXAS

DEAR LOST IT: Is your son giving you such a tiny allowance because that is what your finances dictate, or is he trying to punish his father for getting into the predicament in which you find yourselves? Talk to your son and explain that the little money he doles out does not allow you to go anywhere, eat out or even see a movie, and see if you, his mother, can convince him to relent so you are not being punished for something you had no part in.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your response to "Dutiful Daughter in Alabama" (Nov. 10), who put a camera in her 80-year-old mom's den in case of a fall and overheard Mom make negative comments about her. Installing a camera in someone's home without their consent is disgusting and wrong, legally and morally. The elderly, in addition to the rest of the population, have a right to privacy in their own homes.

If "Dutiful Daughter" was really concerned about her mother falling, she should have considered a medical alert device, which would have notified family and summoned medical help the moment she fell. This is the safer, legal and common-sense solution.

It sounds like "Dutiful" had other undisclosed reasons for installing a camera. Why did she listen to a conversation that was clearly private? How would she know if her mother fell in another room of the house? If her mother was talking on the phone or visiting with her son, it should have been clear that she was OK and no additional spying was required.

After reading this letter, if children think it is OK to invade their parents' privacy without their consent, I'm happier than ever to be child-free. -- ANNE P. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ANNE: To put it mildly, you are not the only reader who disagreed with my answer to that letter. I confess, I didn't consider the privacy issues that were ignored. Mea culpa.