DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of several years, "Guy," often asks me to take a trip with him. I have researched accommodations at the suggested destinations, only to have him say they are too pricey. Thus, we never go anywhere, although he could easily afford it.

Now his brother (whom I've never met) has suggested a family cruise and suggested that Guy bring along his ex-wife, who is in the early stages of dementia. Guy has been divorced from her for decades. I haven't said anything to him about this, though I am shocked and hurt that when a trip is finally planned, Guy thinks it's fine to take her rather than me. I'd be OK with him not taking either of us, but not with choosing her over me. Am I the crazy one here?

P.S. Right now, I am dog-sitting for Guy for the second time in a month while he's out of state for a week attending to his ex-wife's legal matters, including her will. -- HOME ALONE IN FLORIDA

DEAR HOME ALONE: Something definitely seems out of focus in this family picture. Your boyfriend has been divorced from his ex for decades. Is his brother oblivious to the fact that you have been Guy's companion for several years? If this is a question of money, it seems to me that a more practical solution than leaving you out would be for Guy to bring you along on the cruise and he and his brother split the cost of including his former wife.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Dan," and I are separated. Our children are ages 20 and 22. Dan has just been diagnosed with some type of serious medical issue (likely life-threatening). He has shared the information with our children but refuses to explain to me what is happening. I am not being nosy; I simply believe that I should be aware of what's going on for the sake of our children.

Our kids are not currently on speaking terms, so they won't discuss the issue with each other. One of them still lives at home and has been diagnosed with autism, ADHD, PTSD and major depressive disorder. They are not doing well and have been hospitalized multiple times over the past five years. They have no friends and no contact with extended family. The only people they interact with are me and their father.

I feel it is very important to keep me informed so I can offer support and help both of our children deal with whatever is happening. Am I wrong to ask my ex to explain to me what is going on? -- IN THE DARK IN VERMONT

DEAR IN THE DARK: You are not wrong to ask your estranged husband for that information, in light of the fact that one of the children you share has so many mental health challenges. However, if he refuses, you will have to accept it and deal with your children as best you can with limited information. Believe me, you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My husband developed an addiction to slot machines, but I didn't realize it. He would leave the house in the early morning before I woke up. Abby, he gambled away every single asset we had accumulated during our 58 years of marriage -- somewhere around $600,000! I found out after he asked his grown children for "grocery money."

We are now bankrupt and must rely on our son, who offered to bail us out if he could be the trustee of our land, home, everything. He takes our monthly pensions and gives us a tiny allowance when we beg for something, but we are so poor we can't see a movie, eat out or go anywhere, including to visit our other kids.

I'm extremely depressed that nothing can solve this problem for the rest of my life. I'd find another job teaching, but I'm in my 80s and have limited mobility. At least I'm still in my home. I realize this is a dead-end street, but it helps to vent. Can you comment? -- LOST IT ALL IN TEXAS

DEAR LOST IT: Is your son giving you such a tiny allowance because that is what your finances dictate, or is he trying to punish his father for getting into the predicament in which you find yourselves? Talk to your son and explain that the little money he doles out does not allow you to go anywhere, eat out or even see a movie, and see if you, his mother, can convince him to relent so you are not being punished for something you had no part in.

DEAR ABBY: I disagree with your response to "Dutiful Daughter in Alabama" (Nov. 10), who put a camera in her 80-year-old mom's den in case of a fall and overheard Mom make negative comments about her. Installing a camera in someone's home without their consent is disgusting and wrong, legally and morally. The elderly, in addition to the rest of the population, have a right to privacy in their own homes.

If "Dutiful Daughter" was really concerned about her mother falling, she should have considered a medical alert device, which would have notified family and summoned medical help the moment she fell. This is the safer, legal and common-sense solution.

It sounds like "Dutiful" had other undisclosed reasons for installing a camera. Why did she listen to a conversation that was clearly private? How would she know if her mother fell in another room of the house? If her mother was talking on the phone or visiting with her son, it should have been clear that she was OK and no additional spying was required.

After reading this letter, if children think it is OK to invade their parents' privacy without their consent, I'm happier than ever to be child-free. -- ANNE P. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ANNE: To put it mildly, you are not the only reader who disagreed with my answer to that letter. I confess, I didn't consider the privacy issues that were ignored. Mea culpa.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are approaching our 40th anniversary. Friends and family have already begun to mention the upcoming milestone. While I politely acknowledge the event, I hide my indifference. You see, my wife has always been a serial cheater. It's a secret I have kept from everyone, especially our children.

Because she has always been a wonderful mother, I would never do anything to tarnish their love and appreciation of her. The children are a large part of the reason I have remained married. Aside from her betrayal, she has been a good wife and companion, and I still love her.

During her affairs, I fought depression by submerging myself in work and crying when alone. Our children are grown and on their own now. We have a beautiful grandson. We both retired a couple of years ago, and that is when the reality of the past 40 years hit me. I no longer have the crutch of work to help me through.

Our marriage has been sexless since she went through menopause 15 years ago. I have been loyal to her all these years, but I still desire intimacy. I have a few female friends who, in the past, have shown an interest in more intimate relationships. Would it be wrong to rekindle and move forward with an old friend? I have no intention of leaving my wife, but I am so in need of something more. -- FORTY YEARS A FOOL

DEAR 'FOOL': Have you actually talked to your wife (whom you love) about this? Many postmenopausal women whose libidos have declined still enjoy sex. This is a subject she should have discussed with her gynecologist 15 years ago because this is not an insurmountable problem. If she refuses, you would be within your rights to tell her you want the same dispensation you have given her for 40 years of infidelity, because you still need and desire intimacy. Her response will tell you everything you need to know.

DEAR ABBY: I have been eating dessert on days I have deemed "dessert-free." I get to have dessert on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Can you please help me to stop my struggle on the days when I don't get dessert? -- CRAVING IT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR CRAVING IT: I understand (only too well!) the mindset that a meal isn't complete unless there's something sweet at the end of the main course.

Years ago, a psychologist friend shared with me that she resolved her craving for something sweet by carrying a small bag containing a ginger snap cookie in her purse when she went to restaurants. When she was finished with her meal, she took the bag out of her purse and ate half of one. She said it satisfied her craving without sabotaging her diet. Try it. However, if it doesn't work for you, consider substituting a piece of fresh fruit for the cookie.