DEAR ABBY: I have grown children, grandchildren and a great-grandchild. I don't know if they think I am senile, but they seem to think I must cater to their every whim. Most of them are self-centered, thinking only of themselves. They borrow money from me, and sometimes I let them know it is a loan. Other times I give it to them and tell them that it is a gift. Loans are to be paid back. When it's given to you, it's yours.

One daughter, "Marie," borrowed a large sum of money and agreed to repay it in installments. She paid me back a portion of the money I had loaned her. When the next installment was due, she claimed her first payment was three times more than it had been. When I called her on it, she insisted she had given the higher amount.

I love all my family, but I don't intend for anyone to play me. Marie has given me no further payments, and the borrowing has stopped. When Marie tried to get in my face and talk down to me, my wife of 30 years let her know she wasn't to talk to me that way.

Since then, Marie has stopped speaking to us and has accused my wife of blocking her email, calls and texts. (That did not happen; I blocked them.) I just cannot see how a grown child could treat her parents the way we have been treated. I am deeply hurt, and I cannot seem to get past it. Your thoughts? -- OLD MAN IN THE MOUNTAINS

DEAR OLD MAN: Your hurt is understandable. Not only is your self-entitled daughter a deadbeat, but she's also disrespectful. You treated her with kindness, and not only did she not repay the money you loaned her, but she attacked you verbally. I hope your other offspring have more character. That said, I don't think blocking Marie's ability to contact you was a wise decision. She may wish to apologize in the future, and you have been preventing that possibility.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 10 years has asked for a separation. She is set on divorce. She feels that, during the last four years since we had kids (2 and 4 years old), I have "chipped away at her self-esteem and self-worth."

During the past two months since our initial conversation, I have started seeing a therapist, gone on antidepressants and joined an empathy group session for men. I now see the hurt and pain I caused due to my untreated depression and negative self-image, and I have committed to change and save our marriage.

I stood by her and supported her through a major depression episode a year ago, and now she wants out. I am still in love with her, but she says that while she'll always love me, she is no longer in love with me. I'm working on giving her space to heal. What else can I do? -- DISAPPOINTED HUSBAND IN MAINE

DEAR HUSBAND: Ask your wife if she would agree to couples counseling with a licensed marriage and family therapist. Remind her that there are children involved, and even if the counseling isn't successful in healing your marriage, it could benefit all of you in the divorce process and beyond. Whether it will result in you and your wife reuniting is anyone's guess, but it may improve your relationship later.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 30 years. Unfortunately, my wife's family (two older sisters and her mother, who is 97) have rejected not only me, but now my wife. While our relationship with my mother-in-law is cordial, our relationship with her sisters is poor.

Recently, her sisters put their mother into an elder care facility without informing us, much less inviting us to tour the facility. By the time we found out, the paperwork had already been signed. The facility is two hours away from where she had been living (closer to the oldest sister), meaning my MIL will be forced to give up her social life and her doctors of 30-plus years. (She lived in a big city, so finding a facility near her apartment would have been easy.)

Starting anew is hard at any age. My mother-in-law says she's depressed about this. It is unclear whether she was competent to make this decision, but litigation seems futile and out of our budget. Ranting at my wife's sisters would be a waste of time, but sitting here in silent anger is untenable as well. I guess we are looking for validation that it is reasonable to be angry, even if we don't act on that anger, unless you have better advice for this situation. -- UPSET IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UPSET: I will assume that your sister-in-law has power of attorney for your mother-in-law, who has reached the point that she needs an increasing amount of care. By age 97, it stands to reason that most of her friends have passed on. It makes sense that she would be moved into assisted living close enough that your sisters-in-law could see her often.

While it would have been nice had your wife been kept in the loop about the move, her relationship with her sisters isn't cordial. You both are entitled to your feelings about what has happened, but please don't let it rule your lives.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, our good friends of 35 years, "Cherise" and "Robert," announced the upcoming wedding of their daughter. Our children grew up together. Invitations have not been sent out, but they have let us know the date and location of the destination wedding. My husband and I will go, but my children won't be able to make it because of their jobs, kids, etc.

Cherise called me today, very upset, to tell me how hurt she is. Abby, our children went their separate ways 20 years ago. They never see each other! My son had planned a destination wedding five years ago (which didn't happen because of COVID), and Cherise's entire family declined, which I completely understood. I'm confused about why her reaction was so strong. I'm not telling my children about this because they will feel bad. Should I let this go? -- THROWN IN OREGON

DEAR THROWN: Yes, let it go. Your children are adults and have their own priorities. You can't control them, nor should you try. I'm sorry Cherise is upset, but your children are not responsible for it. The "kids" are not as close as she assumed they were, and she is going to have to learn to accept that.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime boyfriend has been divorced for more than 20 years. Every year, his ex comes to stay at his house for a week or two and brings along another female friend. He caters to them, driving them around and entertaining them at restaurants, etc.

I am never included, even though I have expressed an interest in doing so. Am I wrong in thinking this is disrespectful to me and for feeling resentful over having never been introduced to his annual houseguests? I include him when I have houseguests. -- LEFT OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR LEFT OUT: Your longtime boyfriend is acting like you are his guilty secret rather than his lady friend. (Is his ex aware that he has a girlfriend?) I can't blame you for feeling disrespected and excluded. Because this is an annual event, it may be time to consider taking a vacation of your own during the time your boyfriend will be AWOL.

DEAR ABBY: I am 76 and live in a great neighborhood. However, there are almost as many canines as there are houses. As a result, many of them are walked by my house at least twice a day. I like to go for walks in my neighborhood, but I'm afraid of dogs.

If I meet someone walking their dog, they usually want me to pet their dog. If I tell them I'm afraid of dogs, they often say I shouldn't worry because their dog is friendly and would rather lick me than harm me. However, I don't want to be licked either.

I've tried timing my walks to avoid these encounters, and I don't want to drive elsewhere and waste gas to go for a walk. Suggestions, please. -- SOLITARY STROLLER IN THE EAST

DEAR STROLLER: I do have a suggestion for you. Smile at the dog walkers and keep walking. That way, you will project friendliness but won't be forced into an extended encounter that is unpleasant for you. It's no sin to not want a licking.

DEAR ABBY: How do I ratchet down gift-giving? I am 80 years old. I have just about everything I want and far more than I need. Yet, I have a daughter-in-law and a sister-in-law who lavish me with a half dozen or more gifts each holiday and birthday -- books I will not read, clothes I will not wear, items I already have. All of them are new and not inexpensive.

I do not wish to cause a schism. Any suggestions on how to approach these ladies to suggest that, while it is nice to be remembered, one is enough? -- STUFFED WITH STUFF IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR STUFFED: Talk to your daughter-in-law and sister-in-law individually. Tell them how grateful (and touched) you are that they are so generous with you, but explain that it is causing a problem. You no longer have space for more things and, if they feel they must give you birthday and holiday gifts, you would appreciate it if they would donate the money to a charity of your choosing. It's honest, and I'm sure the funds would be welcomed.