DEAR ABBY: I am a longtime divorcee and a retiree with grown kids. What is troubling me is I've always had an issue with taking a shower and all the oil and dirt flowing down my body. I think it's gross, so I usually wash my hair in the kitchen sink. I also don't get in the shower to wash my body. I hate getting out of the shower and feeling cold, or trying to get dressed partially wet.

When I've been in relationships, I force myself to shower or wipe down with hospital-type wipes. (I still wash up this way, just not regularly, and I know it's gross.) I dry shave my legs and underarms when needed, but this is really an issue for me. I brush my teeth twice a day. I use a light perfume and often get compliments, but I know from reading your advice that seniors lose their sense of smell and I could be ripe.

I don't know how to overcome this, and, for obvious reasons, I don't have a friend I can float this by. I'm healthy and, like everyone, struggle with depression, but I don't feel it's bad enough to seek professional help. I'm on a fixed income.

Just curious as to what your thoughts are on this. It's been a good six weeks since I've had a proper shower, and I find no justification for it other than I don't enjoy it. -- UNSHOWERED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR UNSHOWERED: If I thought your quirk could be solved as easily as buying a portable heater for your bathroom, I would suggest it. You state that you suffer from depression "like everyone else." From the mail I receive, people do have problems interacting with interpersonal relationships, workplace issues, etc., but they do not "all" suffer from depression.

Although you live on a fixed income, you could benefit from discussing your issue with a licensed psychotherapist. Help is available on a sliding financial scale through your county's department of mental health or your local university with a department of psychology. While medication might help you overcome your depression, getting to the root of your shower avoidance will likely happen once you start talking.

DEAR ABBY: My question is about dating among older adults. I have been on a dating website for a while now. Most of the profiles are fake. I finally encountered a legitimate profile of a nice-looking man, and we are now talking. After one week, we are finally going to meet for dinner. I'm thrilled, but he stated that he has "baggage." When I asked him what kind, he replied, "It's physical." What does that mean?

We have discussed being intimate and, at our age, we are no longer virgins. I intend to go on the date and be gracious and kind, but I am more than a little confused. What are your thoughts? I thought we clicked or I wouldn't be going on a date with him. What did I miss? -- PERPLEXED IN FLORIDA

DEAR PERPLEXED: The nice-looking man who has made a date with you could have been alluding to any number of physical problems. He might be missing a limb or need assistance getting around, or he may be impotent. Because he didn't give you the laundry list he included in his "baggage," you are just going to have to find out for yourself and take this a step at a time.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for seven years. My significant other, "Gabe," and I bought a home together. We are also raising three of his grandsons. I pay half of the mortgage, utilities, food, maintenance and personal necessities. We both pay for our own insurance, car loans and gas.

Abby, there are four of them and one of me. This means utilities and food are used more by them than by me. I'm always after the boys to turn off the lights when not in use and to shut the doors after entering and leaving the house. We live in Arizona, so you can imagine electric bills during the summer, especially in a very large home.

Because Gabe earns more money than I do, I have tried talking to him about the cost. I feel he should pay a higher percentage. Each time, I give him the monthly amount that I spent. He then goes through it with a fine-tooth comb and pays only what he thinks he should pay for. We argue about it every single month. It's driving me nuts, and the upfront costs are breaking me. Please advise. -- PAYING MORE THAN ENOUGH

DEAR PAYING: That Gabe earns more than you do should have been taken into consideration at the time you began living with him and his grandsons. Financial counseling might help you to determine what such an adjustment would mean in terms of dollars. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling is a reliable resource. Because these monthly financial disagreements could erode your relationship, please consider couples counseling in order to work out a plan that is fair for all parties concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having problems dealing with the death of my fiance, who died by suicide 10 months ago. I blame myself partly for his death. While I realize I didn't buy the medicine that killed him, I did move out of the house we shared because of his attitude toward me.

I can't seem to come to terms with his death. I feel responsible because I left the home we shared. I am seeing a counselor, but I'm not making the progress I was wishing I could. Do you have any advice for me and others who've gone or are going through this? -- SPIRALING IN FLORIDA

DEAR SPIRALING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your fiance. When someone dies by suicide, survivors are often shocked and traumatized. You didn't mention if your fiance suffered from depression, job loss, a physical ailment or some other condition that may have caused him to act out. If he was abusive to you, you did the right thing by moving out. This is nothing to feel guilty for.

I'm glad you are receiving counseling. Many survivors have been helped by talking things through with a licensed psychotherapist. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, established in 1987, lists worldwide suicide bereavement support groups as a public service to loss survivors. It can be accessed at afsp.org. Please don't wait to reach out.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Brooke," started dating a man, "Angus," last year. From the start, he made a poor impression. He met Brooke while he was dating another woman but didn't tell Brooke about her. Brooke continued hanging out with him only after he broke up with his girlfriend.

The past few months have been nothing short of awful. I see Brooke weekly for coffee, and all she does is tell me how mean Angus is to her and her family. He calls her names, emotionally manipulates her, tells her what she can and cannot wear and looks through every inch of her phone.

Her family loathes him. Her dad told me he never wants to see him again. They are constantly urging Brooke to end the relationship. None of her friends likes him, and she doesn't seem to either, but will not, for whatever reason, break up with him.

Last week, they decided to get a puppy together. It's getting exhausting for all parties, including Brooke. What should I do? Should I just leave it alone and let her figure it out and be there when it ends? -- WISE FRIEND IN NEBRASKA

DEAR WISE FRIEND: You are a supportive friend, but you cannot live Brooke's life for her. Buying a puppy with someone who is abusive does not bode well for her or for the animal, which may become the focus of the abuser's anger if he feels he cannot control Brooke. Because she won't listen to family or friends, Brooke IS going to have to figure things out for herself. Save your advice for people who will listen.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend has distanced herself over the last two years. Unless I call her or invite her to join us at our vacation home, I hear nothing from her, and we are never invited to visit them. We grew up together, were in each other's weddings, raised our children together and went on many fun trips over the years.

When our husbands were hunting together a few weeks ago, her husband told mine that it would be better if we didn't mention our grandchildren to them. All of their children have been married and divorced and have no plans to have children. I know she always wanted to be a grandmother, and I am sorry that didn't happen. Sometimes my grandchildren call while our friends are visiting, and, of course, we have lots of pictures of them around, but we don't talk about them all the time.

I don't know how to handle this. I'm hurt that she would cut me off after all these years just because I have grandchildren. -- GAG ORDER IN GEORGIA

DEAR GAG ORDER: She is not cutting you off because you have grandchildren; she is limiting her time with you because she doesn't, and the phone calls and pictures are depressing for her. A way to handle this would be to see her away from your home so she isn't constantly reminded.