DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship for seven years. My significant other, "Gabe," and I bought a home together. We are also raising three of his grandsons. I pay half of the mortgage, utilities, food, maintenance and personal necessities. We both pay for our own insurance, car loans and gas.

Abby, there are four of them and one of me. This means utilities and food are used more by them than by me. I'm always after the boys to turn off the lights when not in use and to shut the doors after entering and leaving the house. We live in Arizona, so you can imagine electric bills during the summer, especially in a very large home.

Because Gabe earns more money than I do, I have tried talking to him about the cost. I feel he should pay a higher percentage. Each time, I give him the monthly amount that I spent. He then goes through it with a fine-tooth comb and pays only what he thinks he should pay for. We argue about it every single month. It's driving me nuts, and the upfront costs are breaking me. Please advise. -- PAYING MORE THAN ENOUGH

DEAR PAYING: That Gabe earns more than you do should have been taken into consideration at the time you began living with him and his grandsons. Financial counseling might help you to determine what such an adjustment would mean in terms of dollars. The National Foundation for Credit Counseling is a reliable resource. Because these monthly financial disagreements could erode your relationship, please consider couples counseling in order to work out a plan that is fair for all parties concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having problems dealing with the death of my fiance, who died by suicide 10 months ago. I blame myself partly for his death. While I realize I didn't buy the medicine that killed him, I did move out of the house we shared because of his attitude toward me.

I can't seem to come to terms with his death. I feel responsible because I left the home we shared. I am seeing a counselor, but I'm not making the progress I was wishing I could. Do you have any advice for me and others who've gone or are going through this? -- SPIRALING IN FLORIDA

DEAR SPIRALING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your fiance. When someone dies by suicide, survivors are often shocked and traumatized. You didn't mention if your fiance suffered from depression, job loss, a physical ailment or some other condition that may have caused him to act out. If he was abusive to you, you did the right thing by moving out. This is nothing to feel guilty for.

I'm glad you are receiving counseling. Many survivors have been helped by talking things through with a licensed psychotherapist. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, established in 1987, lists worldwide suicide bereavement support groups as a public service to loss survivors. It can be accessed at afsp.org. Please don't wait to reach out.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Brooke," started dating a man, "Angus," last year. From the start, he made a poor impression. He met Brooke while he was dating another woman but didn't tell Brooke about her. Brooke continued hanging out with him only after he broke up with his girlfriend.

The past few months have been nothing short of awful. I see Brooke weekly for coffee, and all she does is tell me how mean Angus is to her and her family. He calls her names, emotionally manipulates her, tells her what she can and cannot wear and looks through every inch of her phone.

Her family loathes him. Her dad told me he never wants to see him again. They are constantly urging Brooke to end the relationship. None of her friends likes him, and she doesn't seem to either, but will not, for whatever reason, break up with him.

Last week, they decided to get a puppy together. It's getting exhausting for all parties, including Brooke. What should I do? Should I just leave it alone and let her figure it out and be there when it ends? -- WISE FRIEND IN NEBRASKA

DEAR WISE FRIEND: You are a supportive friend, but you cannot live Brooke's life for her. Buying a puppy with someone who is abusive does not bode well for her or for the animal, which may become the focus of the abuser's anger if he feels he cannot control Brooke. Because she won't listen to family or friends, Brooke IS going to have to figure things out for herself. Save your advice for people who will listen.

DEAR ABBY: My longtime friend has distanced herself over the last two years. Unless I call her or invite her to join us at our vacation home, I hear nothing from her, and we are never invited to visit them. We grew up together, were in each other's weddings, raised our children together and went on many fun trips over the years.

When our husbands were hunting together a few weeks ago, her husband told mine that it would be better if we didn't mention our grandchildren to them. All of their children have been married and divorced and have no plans to have children. I know she always wanted to be a grandmother, and I am sorry that didn't happen. Sometimes my grandchildren call while our friends are visiting, and, of course, we have lots of pictures of them around, but we don't talk about them all the time.

I don't know how to handle this. I'm hurt that she would cut me off after all these years just because I have grandchildren. -- GAG ORDER IN GEORGIA

DEAR GAG ORDER: She is not cutting you off because you have grandchildren; she is limiting her time with you because she doesn't, and the phone calls and pictures are depressing for her. A way to handle this would be to see her away from your home so she isn't constantly reminded.

DEAR ABBY: It seems that everywhere I go, people expect tips. Yesterday, I pulled up to the drive-through at a cookie store, and before I paid or was handed my cookies, the clerk asked, "Would you like to leave a tip?" My niece recently told me that after she left a tip at a restaurant, the server followed her outside and asked if she hadn't been a very good server because the tip was small. I can give you more examples just from my family regarding their experience with tipping.

In this economy, I don't feel the 20% rule should apply. For the price of a lunch for two at a sit-down restaurant these days, the tip costs as much as a small entree. When I go through a drive-through, I don't feel I need to tip because I'm not inside using their facility. But if I don't, I get a disappointed look from the gal who gets paid to make and hand me my drink. What are your thoughts? -- TIPPED OUT IN IDAHO

DEAR TIPPED OUT: The server you mentioned may need tips to survive on her sub-minimum or minimum wage income. However, a tip should never be requested, and for a server to follow your niece out of a restaurant to discuss a small tip is beyond the pale. Although some establishments "suggest" tips that can go as high as 35%, most customers give 15% or 20% of the total bill.

Since you asked for my opinion, here it is: Quit complaining. If you think you received adequate service, leave a tip, and you will be warmly welcomed at whatever eatery you choose to patronize.

DEAR ABBY: Once a month, my wife and I play music trivia with my brother and his wife at our local pub. We invited them, thinking it would be a great way for us to get closer. (I have an older brother we are closer to.) As it turns out, my sister-in-law belittles my brother in front of us if he questions an answer someone might give (which we all do at one point or another).

At first, we laughed and considered it to be playful banter, but now it has become really uncomfortable. My brother doesn't say anything back because he doesn't want to create a scene, so the night always ends on a sour note for me and my wife.

Abby, we're to the point of telling my brother we no longer want them as partners on our team, but I'm not sure how to go about it. What can we say without creating a major blowup? Help, please. -- SOUR NOTE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SOUR NOTE: Tell your brother and sister-in-law privately, together, that if she has any criticisms to make about your brother, you would prefer that it not be in public or in front of you because it makes you uncomfortable. It is the truth. It may cause them to stop playing music trivia with you, which will solve your problem. However, if they show up and she does it again, end your participation, with no additional explanation needed.