DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together 30-plus years. When our love was new, it was all smiles, hand-holding and thrills when we saw each other after a long day at work or school. And, I guess, that's normal.

Now, three kids and three grandkids later, we're edging past our mid-50s and there isn't much left. There are no more smiles and no more hand-holding, only two sad adults. We still love each other. Neither of us wants to be apart from the other, but we don't know how to bring back happiness.

We hardly touch, and neither of us remembers the last time we smiled or even really laughed. We sit in the same room, living two completely different lives. I am partially disabled, so there are no more long walks or outside activities, which we used to do 20 years ago.

We are now wondering: Is this the rest of our lives? Are we going to spend the next 20-plus years in a depressing marriage in which we love each other but no longer have anything in common? Our youngest daughter is 8, and our youngest grandson is 5. We watch the kids (15, 9, 8, 5) in the evening so our eldest can work. Is there any hope for us? -- SAD SPOUSE IN NEW YORK

DEAR SAD SPOUSE: You say that you and your husband love each other. There is hope for reviving your marriage if you agree to go to couples counseling together. Marriage involves more than smiles, hand-holding and thrills. It is a deep and caring partnership. Few couples can sustain the excitement of their honeymoon years. You and your husband have already done the hard work. Now you need to find your way back together.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were dining with friends in a high-end restaurant. The food was great, and so was the conversation. My husband leaned close to me and whispered, "She's brushing her teeth!" I glanced to my left. I had thought the gal at the next table was just using a toothpick. No, she was vigorously brushing with a full-sized toothbrush!

After about a minute, she placed the toothbrush into a cosmetic bag and pulled out a denture container. She then proceeded to insert and adjust her retainer. We were flabbergasted. Never in all my years have I seen such appalling table manners. Perhaps we shouldn't have been staring, but it was one of those moments in which you are frozen to the spot.

Abby, that restaurant has very nice bathrooms. What is happening to our society? -- SHOCKED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SHOCKED: I understand why this woman's performance stopped you cold. But, please, don't blame "society" for her ignorance of the rules of etiquette, which dictate that to avoid grossing out those around us in public, we should excuse ourselves from the table and take care of our oral hygiene privately, in the restroom if needed.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 40 years and share the same friendships -- joint, his and mine. We have camped, hosted parties and traveled with the same friends. My problem is my husband says I'm not allowed to speak privately with the males in our group unless I first confirm with him what I'm talking about. He also gives me the third degree about my visits with the wives, mainly to find out if their husbands were around.

In all our married years, I have never given him reason to think there's anything going on between me and anyone else. I have always held him in high regard. I consider him to be somebody with honesty and integrity, and I love him wholeheartedly.

Where in the world does he get off trying to order me around and think that I can't ask a question of his friends, or visit with his friends and their wives without asking his permission? This has been a longtime situation between us, and I'm tired of it -- almost to the point of leaving him and enjoying what's left of my life in peace with all kinds of people and relationships. Please help. -- PUT IN A CORNER IN OREGON

DEAR PUT: Why didn't you write to me about this 39 years ago? Your husband may be a man with "honesty and integrity," but he is also someone with bottomless insecurities and an insatiable need to control you. I am surprised it has taken 40 years of this for you to finally say to yourself, "Enough!" I would recommend marriage counseling for the two of you, but I seriously question his ability to change. Counseling for you alone might give you the courage to draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: After I found the courage to leave my abusive marriage, it has been difficult. My family refuses to accept that a woman could have actually abused a man, and they are very skeptical. Even after my mother and sister attended therapy with me, they still question my honesty, something that has never been questioned before. Still, I have an amazing 9-year-old daughter from the marriage. She is part of the reason I had to leave her mother: There was no way I could model acceptance of that abuse after her mother refused to seek help. I tried.

Now, two years later, I'm in a healthy relationship -- with another man. While my daughter is overjoyed because he treats both of us well, my family continues to attack me, even saying they were no longer going to speak to me. They say this is why I left my ex, even though it is not true. (I didn't anticipate this either.)

My mother, who refuses to talk to me, recently let me know she wants to take me to court for the right to see my daughter. My daughter no longer wants to spend any time with her after seeing how she has treated me. I don't think allowing visitation would be in my daughter's best interest. Should I be worried? -- UNRESOLVED IN OHIO

DEAR UNRESOLVED: Not every state has laws on the books that govern grandparents' rights. Ohio, where you reside, is one of those that does. Because your question is legal in nature, and you are rightly worried, the person you should ask would be a lawyer familiar with family law. I understand why you are worried, and you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My young daughter and I had the pleasure of spending three months with my parents while my husband was deployed. We had a lovely visit, but over the course of our stay, I noticed my parents were spending more time on their phones than previously. Both are retired and in their mid-60s.

I'm glad they are keeping up with technology, but I'm also concerned that their phone use may have a negative impact on their social health, behavioral health and mental acuity as they age. Growing up, we never had the TV or computers in our main living space, and screen time was limited. We ate dinner together every night, and socialization and conversation was an expectation.

During my stay, my parents brought their phones to the dinner table and grabbed them midmeal to answer messages or search things on the internet. Throughout the days, I'd look up from what I was doing and see them glued to their screens. This new behavior is so different from the way they raised me. How can I speak to them about my concerns and encourage them to consider decreasing their phone usage? -- NOTICED THE CHANGE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NOTICED: Yes, many things have changed since the time when you were raised. But if you think the day has arrived for you to parent your parents, forget about it. It not only won't work, but it could also cause resentment because they are adults and not impressionable teenagers being educated about social interaction.

DEAR ABBY: My college roommate and I became close friends. I always thought he was a little bit arrogant. When I caught him getting upset that a girl liked me and not him, I realized he has always been about comparing and competing.

At age 30, after we ended up working for the same company, we had a falling-out. I'm sure he has his complaints about me, but I am no longer interested in being his friend. We're 36 now and still involved in our fantasy football league, so we see each other from time to time. We're generally civil to each other, especially for the sake of the league.

Well, he now wants to rekindle the friendship and keeps asking me to hang out. I've made excuses so far, and I wish he would take a hint, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to eventually tell him (again) that I'm not interested in hanging out. I don't want to hurt his feelings any more than I have to. Please help. -- NOT FEELING IT IN KANSAS

DEAR NOT FEELING IT: You are not obligated to have anything more to do with this person than you wish. If the only time the two of you interact is during the fantasy football season, he shouldn't be too hard to avoid. When he asks to hang out, continue doing what you have been, which is to say you are busy. Eventually, he may take the hint.