DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 40 years and share the same friendships -- joint, his and mine. We have camped, hosted parties and traveled with the same friends. My problem is my husband says I'm not allowed to speak privately with the males in our group unless I first confirm with him what I'm talking about. He also gives me the third degree about my visits with the wives, mainly to find out if their husbands were around.

In all our married years, I have never given him reason to think there's anything going on between me and anyone else. I have always held him in high regard. I consider him to be somebody with honesty and integrity, and I love him wholeheartedly.

Where in the world does he get off trying to order me around and think that I can't ask a question of his friends, or visit with his friends and their wives without asking his permission? This has been a longtime situation between us, and I'm tired of it -- almost to the point of leaving him and enjoying what's left of my life in peace with all kinds of people and relationships. Please help. -- PUT IN A CORNER IN OREGON

DEAR PUT: Why didn't you write to me about this 39 years ago? Your husband may be a man with "honesty and integrity," but he is also someone with bottomless insecurities and an insatiable need to control you. I am surprised it has taken 40 years of this for you to finally say to yourself, "Enough!" I would recommend marriage counseling for the two of you, but I seriously question his ability to change. Counseling for you alone might give you the courage to draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: After I found the courage to leave my abusive marriage, it has been difficult. My family refuses to accept that a woman could have actually abused a man, and they are very skeptical. Even after my mother and sister attended therapy with me, they still question my honesty, something that has never been questioned before. Still, I have an amazing 9-year-old daughter from the marriage. She is part of the reason I had to leave her mother: There was no way I could model acceptance of that abuse after her mother refused to seek help. I tried.

Now, two years later, I'm in a healthy relationship -- with another man. While my daughter is overjoyed because he treats both of us well, my family continues to attack me, even saying they were no longer going to speak to me. They say this is why I left my ex, even though it is not true. (I didn't anticipate this either.)

My mother, who refuses to talk to me, recently let me know she wants to take me to court for the right to see my daughter. My daughter no longer wants to spend any time with her after seeing how she has treated me. I don't think allowing visitation would be in my daughter's best interest. Should I be worried? -- UNRESOLVED IN OHIO

DEAR UNRESOLVED: Not every state has laws on the books that govern grandparents' rights. Ohio, where you reside, is one of those that does. Because your question is legal in nature, and you are rightly worried, the person you should ask would be a lawyer familiar with family law. I understand why you are worried, and you have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My young daughter and I had the pleasure of spending three months with my parents while my husband was deployed. We had a lovely visit, but over the course of our stay, I noticed my parents were spending more time on their phones than previously. Both are retired and in their mid-60s.

I'm glad they are keeping up with technology, but I'm also concerned that their phone use may have a negative impact on their social health, behavioral health and mental acuity as they age. Growing up, we never had the TV or computers in our main living space, and screen time was limited. We ate dinner together every night, and socialization and conversation was an expectation.

During my stay, my parents brought their phones to the dinner table and grabbed them midmeal to answer messages or search things on the internet. Throughout the days, I'd look up from what I was doing and see them glued to their screens. This new behavior is so different from the way they raised me. How can I speak to them about my concerns and encourage them to consider decreasing their phone usage? -- NOTICED THE CHANGE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR NOTICED: Yes, many things have changed since the time when you were raised. But if you think the day has arrived for you to parent your parents, forget about it. It not only won't work, but it could also cause resentment because they are adults and not impressionable teenagers being educated about social interaction.

DEAR ABBY: My college roommate and I became close friends. I always thought he was a little bit arrogant. When I caught him getting upset that a girl liked me and not him, I realized he has always been about comparing and competing.

At age 30, after we ended up working for the same company, we had a falling-out. I'm sure he has his complaints about me, but I am no longer interested in being his friend. We're 36 now and still involved in our fantasy football league, so we see each other from time to time. We're generally civil to each other, especially for the sake of the league.

Well, he now wants to rekindle the friendship and keeps asking me to hang out. I've made excuses so far, and I wish he would take a hint, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to eventually tell him (again) that I'm not interested in hanging out. I don't want to hurt his feelings any more than I have to. Please help. -- NOT FEELING IT IN KANSAS

DEAR NOT FEELING IT: You are not obligated to have anything more to do with this person than you wish. If the only time the two of you interact is during the fantasy football season, he shouldn't be too hard to avoid. When he asks to hang out, continue doing what you have been, which is to say you are busy. Eventually, he may take the hint.

DEAR ABBY: I have three daughters with children of their own. Every year, we have a family vacation. My daughter "Monica's" children, ages 8 and 9, whom I love and see regularly, behave badly. They cuss, yell at adults and show no respect whatsoever.

We have brought this to Monica's attention multiple times. She always reacts like we are wrong and says, "I'm not going to beat my kids." At no time did we imply she should "beat" her kids, just give them a time-out or a scolding. If any of us tell them "Stop, please don't do that," they act like victims. It's so bad that one of my other daughters told us as we were planning a vacation that she will not be going because of Monica's kids' behavior.

Monica accuses us of not liking her kids and being mean. She goes to the school to argue with teachers and the principal if her kids tell her they didn't get their way. I don't know what her issue is. Her reasons sound like she is mentally ill. Anything you can recommend? -- NOT ENABLING IN NEVADA

DEAR NOT ENABLING: Monica is a terrible parent. A responsible mother would see that her children learn appropriate behavior before they get into serious trouble. Because you cannot help your daughter to see reality, I recommend you stop inviting Monica and her children on these vacations. Their behavior is unacceptable, and their cousins should not be further influenced by their bad example.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 70-year-old male caring for my 71-year-old wife. She has had health issues for more than 10 years. I own my own business and am the only employee, although my wife does help me with a portion of the business. Dealing with all her health issues, trying to run a business, trying to survive financially and navigating the world today is difficult.

I am seeking resources or a support group in my area that works with people who care for their family members. We have been to counseling, which helped, but did not help me with all that I feel and have to do. I don't think my wife could navigate this world on her own. Can you point me in the right direction? -- RESPONSIBLE IN TEXAS

DEAR RESPONSIBLE: You are carrying a heavy load. An organization called The Caregiver Action Network (formerly the National Family Caregivers Association) may be what you are seeking. Established in 1992, it works to improve the quality of life for tens of millions of family caregivers, providing education, peer support and resources to family caregivers across the country free of charge. For more information, go to caregiveraction.org or call 855-277-3640.

DEAR READERS: Today, we remember the birthday of Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. who in 1968 was martyred in the cause of civil rights. During a time of insanity, his was a voice of reason when he eloquently preached, "Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend."