DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old mother and grandmother whose kids don't talk to me. The reason: My son, "Aaron," was sexually assaulted by his friend, "Eli," and I told him his friend was no longer allowed to come over. I spoke to Eli's mother. She told me she'd take care of it and agreed the two shouldn't hang out. They were both underage at the time. (Aaron was 10, and Eli was 13.)

A few months later, Aaron told me that it wasn't Eli but his own uncle "Joe" who sexually assaulted him. I knew better. I talked to Joe and, of course, he knew nothing. I told Aaron to stop lying about his uncle and that Eli still couldn't come over.

Aaron is an adult now, and he's got his siblings believing him about his uncle, and he's still friends with Eli. My husband and I moved next door to Joe, and now all the kids have blocked me from their and their kids' lives. When I tried to talk to Aaron about the situation, he blocked me completely. Joe knows nothing about what's going on. How do I get back into my children's and grandkids' lives? -- TURNED UPSIDE DOWN

DEAR TURNED: Could the boys have been experimenting with getting familiar with their bodies when all this occurred? Did you see something and confront your son and he admitted it? Aaron may have blamed Uncle Joe because he wanted to continue seeing Eli. Or ... was his accusation true? You will not be able to heal the schism in your family until everyone is in agreement about what really happened when Aaron was 10.

DEAR ABBY: My older brother, age 70, is making his estate plans with his partner. We have no other siblings or children. I told him I'm financially secure and don't need him to leave me anything, but he insisted on having my Social Security number, saying it's needed for beneficiary bequests. I called him back before disclosing the information, because I wanted to make sure it was really him.

He later called me and asked for my passport number because his partner has assets in China, and the paperwork required more information. That was too much information for me, and I asked him to take me out of his bequests entirely. He fussed about having to contact the lawyer and change the trust information but said he would take care of it. Now, he's no longer speaking to me.

Abby, my brother never disclosed that he would need anything beyond a Social Security number. Should I feel guilty about the added expense of editing his trust? -- TROUBLEMAKER SIS IN TEXAS

DEAR SIS: You should absolutely NOT feel guilty for refusing to reveal the information your brother was requesting! Are you SURE it was your brother calling and asking for this highly personal information and not a scammer? I ask because a beneficiary's Social Security number and/or passport number is not required when someone is being mentioned in a will, and I think you may have dodged a bullet.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson "Ethan" and his fiancee lived with his mother until four years ago. When they moved out, they decided not to give his parents their new address. It has been several years since my daughter has seen her son. Apparently, they occasionally text.

Ethan was married seven months ago. He didn't invite his parents as he felt they would "make it about themselves" and distract from his day. He said I'd be invited to his wedding and would receive a nice picture from the photographer. The wedding date came and went. I saw pictures on social media, so I knew it had transpired. At the time, my gut feeling was that he felt awkward inviting me and his aunt but not his parents.

In the past, I have sent Ethan a check on his birthday and at Christmas and helped him financially with vehicle repairs. Although I was not invited, I sent a congratulatory card for the wedding, with a significant check enclosed. He cashed the check but did not acknowledge receipt of the card.

Because neither he nor his wife acknowledged my wedding gift, I am debating what to do for his next birthday. Should I ignore the occasion, or be an example of unconditional love and send a card? I will not send him money, as I think it was beyond rude not to acknowledge my wedding check. What would Dear Abby do? -- ESTRANGED BY ASSOCIATION

DEAR ESTRANGED: Dear Abby would recognize that not being invited to the wedding, after being told I would be, was a breach of etiquette. That I lovingly sent a check as a wedding gift, which was cashed with no acknowledgment, would indicate (to me) that my grandson has chosen to distance himself from me. By all means, send a birthday card if you wish, but please don't be surprised when it, too, garners no response.

DEAR ABBY: My 25th class reunion is coming up, and I'm debating whether to go because I'm not sure how to handle a conversation that is sure to come up. I was very close to my classmates until five years ago, when my husband and I faced a series of family tragedies that took all of my time and energy. The worst was losing a daughter who would have been graduating this year.

I'm ready to reconnect with my old friends, but how do I deal with casual conversations without making light of the situation or being a wet blanket? If someone asks, "How is your daughter doing?" I need to have a reasonable response that isn't going to be awful for both of us. The thought of having to talk about it makes me want to stay home. Advice? -- UNDECIDED IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR UNDECIDED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your daughter. If someone at the reunion hasn't already heard about her death and asks how she's doing, respond with the truth, which is that she passed away several years ago. If someone asks for the details, simply say you don't want to discuss it further and change the subject.

DEAR ABBY: My son married a lovely woman, "Noelle," two years ago. They live a couple of hours away and have a 1-year-old son, my third grandchild. Noelle's parents live 10 miles from my home. She and the baby go there nearly every weekend but NEVER come by mine. I haven't seen them since the baby's birthday five months ago.

My daughter lives down the street from Noelle's parents. She wasn't invited to the baby's first birthday even though she's the mother of his cousins, so I took her children with me. There were other people there, mostly adults and her cousin's baby.

We are not horrible people. There has never been any ugliness between any of us. I'm very hurt because they don't recognize me as a grandmother or any of us as part of the family. My son's father has never been allowed to meet the baby, and I don't think he's even met Noelle.

I have asked my son and daughter-in-law to bring the baby, leave him for the day or even overnight so we can spend some time and get to know him, but it never happens. What can I say to make them understand how much they are hurting the family and the baby by avoiding us? I don't want to make it worse. -- DISAPPOINTED GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: This is a subject you should discuss with your son, who appears to be clueless or entirely ineffectual. Does he recognize what has been happening -- that his parents have been pushed entirely out of the picture? If the answer to that question is yes, perhaps he can shed some light on why. If the answer is no, tell HIM how this has made you feel. If you do, perhaps he will assert himself. Better late than never.

DEAR ABBY: One year ago, my heart was torn out of my chest when my wife died after a five-year battle with stage-4 breast cancer. It was the beginning of the end of my world. I'm alone now. We have two cats I still take care of and all the daily chores of a normal household.

I have tried looking at dating sites, and I see a couple of women I might be interested to know. Here's where I need a female stranger's perspective: I still hurt inside, and I know I will for some time. I also feel that if I have someone to talk to, it'll be the personal therapy I need to help get me back on track. However, I also feel that if I start dating, it will be like I'm cheating on my wife, and the hurt comes back. What am I supposed to do? -- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. If you feel you need a woman's perspective, find a female licensed psychotherapist to help you get back on track. If you do this, you are less likely to dump your guilt and grief on someone who might take advantage of it or be driven away by it. If you can't afford a therapist, joining a grief support group may help you expiate any guilt you feel about going on with your life.