DEAR ABBY: My son married a lovely woman, "Noelle," two years ago. They live a couple of hours away and have a 1-year-old son, my third grandchild. Noelle's parents live 10 miles from my home. She and the baby go there nearly every weekend but NEVER come by mine. I haven't seen them since the baby's birthday five months ago.

My daughter lives down the street from Noelle's parents. She wasn't invited to the baby's first birthday even though she's the mother of his cousins, so I took her children with me. There were other people there, mostly adults and her cousin's baby.

We are not horrible people. There has never been any ugliness between any of us. I'm very hurt because they don't recognize me as a grandmother or any of us as part of the family. My son's father has never been allowed to meet the baby, and I don't think he's even met Noelle.

I have asked my son and daughter-in-law to bring the baby, leave him for the day or even overnight so we can spend some time and get to know him, but it never happens. What can I say to make them understand how much they are hurting the family and the baby by avoiding us? I don't want to make it worse. -- DISAPPOINTED GRANDMA IN TEXAS

DEAR GRANDMA: This is a subject you should discuss with your son, who appears to be clueless or entirely ineffectual. Does he recognize what has been happening -- that his parents have been pushed entirely out of the picture? If the answer to that question is yes, perhaps he can shed some light on why. If the answer is no, tell HIM how this has made you feel. If you do, perhaps he will assert himself. Better late than never.

DEAR ABBY: One year ago, my heart was torn out of my chest when my wife died after a five-year battle with stage-4 breast cancer. It was the beginning of the end of my world. I'm alone now. We have two cats I still take care of and all the daily chores of a normal household.

I have tried looking at dating sites, and I see a couple of women I might be interested to know. Here's where I need a female stranger's perspective: I still hurt inside, and I know I will for some time. I also feel that if I have someone to talk to, it'll be the personal therapy I need to help get me back on track. However, I also feel that if I start dating, it will be like I'm cheating on my wife, and the hurt comes back. What am I supposed to do? -- CONFLICTED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFLICTED: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your wife. If you feel you need a woman's perspective, find a female licensed psychotherapist to help you get back on track. If you do this, you are less likely to dump your guilt and grief on someone who might take advantage of it or be driven away by it. If you can't afford a therapist, joining a grief support group may help you expiate any guilt you feel about going on with your life.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old woman who is not yet established in life. I have no husband or boyfriend, no kids and no clear direction for a career. I start new, low-level jobs often. My problem is that I look deceptively young for my age. At most, I look 18 or 19.

These employers, co-workers and supervisors treat me differently, and some talk down to me. Some refer to me as a "girl" instead of a "woman." Some give me incredulous looks if I reminisce about the '90s. I have even been accused of lying about my age. Some even had the guts to ask for my driver's license. Others talk about how "adorable" I am if they think I'm out of earshot.

I have tried wearing more mature outfits, but they were uncomfortable, and it felt inauthentic. I tried wearing makeup every day, but I just looked like a teenager who wears makeup. When I tried mentioning it during icebreakers, it elicited giggles of disbelief. I also tried referring to the year I graduated from college. It doesn't matter that I speak and behave like an adult, because employees have admitted they thought I was just a precocious teen.

It doesn't help that my hobbies include cartoons and anime. Nor does it help that I can be painfully shy, which, I believe, many people confuse with inexperience. This has been an issue my entire life, but it has grown more pronounced as I age. The most common (and least helpful) advice I get is "You'll appreciate it when you're older." Well, I am concerned with the present. Advice? -- BABY FACE IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR BABY FACE: You look young, act youthful and are following a life path usually associated with someone 10 years younger. This may explain your co-workers' confusion about your age. Some of them may also be jealous or closed-minded.

It may be time to cut down on job-hopping and home in on a career. If you do, your co-workers may have the opportunity to get to know you better. Until then, be cordial, stand up for yourself and stop letting the remarks get to you. You know who you are, and that's what is most important.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of three years has no respect for me. She calls me vulgar names in public and thinks it's funny. I have a bladder control problem, and she brings that up in public all the time. I am starting to resent it. I love my wife, but I don't like feeling this way. Please help or give me some advice. -- ONLY HUMAN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR HUMAN: Have you told your wife how the vulgar names and ridicule about your incontinence problem make you feel? If you haven't, you should. If you have done that, then reread the first line of your letter to me. Your wife's behavior indicates that not only does she not respect you, but she also has a cruel sense of humor and little love for you. How you choose to deal with that realization is up to you. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: My mother passed away six years ago. She was a manipulative woman who had alienated all family members except my adult son. She promised him a sizable amount of money when she passed but didn't follow through. As the fiduciary of my parents' estate, I followed their trust directives as written, with no exceptions.

My son received a nice check, but not as large as he had expected. He was upset and blamed me for "taking" his money. Then he declared that we would never see our grandsons again unless he received what his grandmother had promised. He refused to understand the concept of a trustee's fiduciary duty and has ghosted us, even though I have tried reaching out to him several times.

Thanks to the generosity of our former daughter-in-law, we do have access to our grandsons. I have finally come to terms with my son's decision to remove himself from the family, which includes his brother and sister. He's an adult and can make that decision for himself.

It was always my intention to one day pass what I inherited on to my three children. What I am struggling with is that I'm feeling a considerable amount of guilt because my husband and I have excluded this son from any monetary distributions from our own trust because of how he has behaved and his attempt at blackmail. Am I justified in excluding him? I want to forgive and forget, but I can't get past his actions. -- CONFLICTED IN IDAHO

DEAR CONFLICTED: That your son misdirected his anger from his grandmother, where it belonged, onto you is very sad. Forgive him in your heart, but do not reward him by changing your estate plans. If you haven't already done so, discuss with your lawyer leaving your son's share of your estate in trust for your grandsons instead.

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a verbally and economically abusive alcoholic. His drinking has grown much worse during this last year to the point that he can no longer hold a job longer than two months. We have three children, and I know our constant fighting is bad for the kids.

Because I haven't worked in eight years, it has been extremely hard for me to find a job. I have applied for many. I want to leave this toxic marriage, but I'm scared. I don't know how. I have nowhere to go, no money, no car, no job. What can I do, Abby? I am so miserable that I can't stand it. -- BREAKING POINT IN THE WEST

DEAR BREAKING POINT: It's time to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which can be accessed at thehotline.org or by calling toll-free 800-799-7233. Your husband may not be beating you, but that does not mean you aren't being abused. The atmosphere you describe isn't healthy for you or your children. You cannot save your husband from his addiction. Only he can do that when he finally hits rock bottom and decides to seek help for his drinking.