DEAR ABBY: I am a very overweight woman, but down 50 pounds from my top weight and continuing at a consistent, but slow, rate to lose. My A1C is now down to pre-diabetic, so I know my efforts are making a difference. I recently had a terrible bout of sciatica and pain in an arthritic knee, which kept me from some anticipated travel.

A good (so I thought) friend who was affected by my cancellation suggested that perhaps my weight was causing the sciatica and arthritis, and if I lost more weight things would go better. (DUH!!) Lots of thin people suffer from sciatica and arthritis, and it felt to me that her comment was condescending, hurtful and disrespectful. I don't know what I feel, other than like throwing a canned ham at her. She has done this before.

When another dear friend died, and I expressed my grief and teared up, this same "friend" suggested I would do better if I got out more and socialized. This was during COVID.

Is there anything I can say to her? Should I ignore her comments and press on with the "friendship," or is it time to move on? I'd like to tell her off, but I see no value in countering her more subtle form with overt aggression. Is there a single, good, deadly one-liner I could have used? -- SLOW LOSER IN NEW YORK

DEAR SLOW LOSER: As I see it, you have two ways to play this hand. The next time this woman says something grossly insensitive, tell her it's her third strike and repeat what you have written to me about what comes out of her mouth. Or simply do yourself a favor and from now on ice her out. (She may have been trying to help you -- in some weird way -- or she's clueless.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter and son-in-law have decided to move his mom from California to our home state of Tennessee. The kids have a lovely home about an hour from my husband and me. Both are professionals. They have been married 10 years and have no children.

The mom, "Anita," has an unmarried daughter with two kids living with her now and using her money. Anita wants to escape and be left alone. I'm afraid this could spell disaster for my daughter's marriage. Their plan is to remodel their attic so they have the upstairs and Anita has the downstairs.

Should I express my concerns to my daughter or both of them, or keep my mouth shut? We have a great relationship, and I never insert my opinion into their business. -- PROTECTOR IN THE SOUTH

DEAR PROTECTOR: If this is still in the planning stage and the project has not yet begun, mention your concerns to your daughter and son-in-law together. One problem that occurs to me might be if your son-in-law's sister plans to bring the kids and live with her mother in the future. However, once you have brought this up, do not insert yourself any further.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early 30s and happy in certain aspects of my life: I recently moved to a house and married a man I love very much. I have friends, hobbies and dreams. One of these dreams is to be a novelist, although I do marketing for a tech company right now.

This brings me to my problem: I have been feeling depressed by my job. Working in tech marketing is not something I enjoy; it's something I have done in recent years to pay the bills. My job is high-stress and fast-moving, and people can be impatient.

Typically, I keep any work-induced depression at bay by running, writing and spending time with loved ones. But lately, these things haven't lessened the negative feelings I have from work as much. In fact, I have begun feeling less joy in the things I typically do with my free time.

I feel like a failure for trying to write a novel in the midst of so much work. I am afraid if I quit my job, I won't be able to make mortgage payments and will burden my husband with an unfair amount of stress. He is also unhappy at his tech job but doing it to help support us.

Getting a new job won't fix this, because I've felt down at other tech marketing jobs that pay me enough to afford our house and save up for having a child (another dream). How can I get out from under this rain cloud? Do I want too much out of life? -- STYMIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR STYMIED: A solution that might work for you would be a part-time job in tech that would help you to pay the mortgage, while affording you free time to pursue your writing. Give yourself a one-year deadline, see if there is any interest in what you have produced and proceed from there. I wish you luck.

DEAR ABBY: Should I change my financial arrangement with my husband? We have been married 18 years and have a joint checking account. He has a separate account for his side business that's just for him. I have a separate account I use for my job to renew licenses and finance my continuing education. During the last few years, he has insisted I pay my own medical bills (which had always come out of our joint account before).

I have a history of thyroid cancer, and my family has a history of more serious cancers. He tells me I go to the doctor too often. I typically go for an annual physical, annual thyroid exam and to the gynecologist. We have medical insurance.

I'm starting to wonder if I should just ask for my paycheck to be deposited into my own account and then transfer money over to the joint account to cover our household bills, which he also pays. I don't want to start a fight about it as he and I are quite traditional in most ways. Help! I feel like I have no money even though we both work full time. -- DIVIDING IT UP IN INDIANA

DEAR DIVIDING: You have a valid point. It's time for you and your husband to sit down with a financial adviser and work something out that is fair to both of you. Your CPA may be able to help you or recommend someone.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-husband and I were best friends. We shared everything -- dreams, laughs and struggles. I was convinced we'd grow old together. When he proposed, I said yes without hesitation. We had plans to start a family, but he asked me to wait until we purchased a home. I waited five years, trusting that the dream we had built together was still alive.

In time, we bought our house, but when I asked about having children, something had shifted. He told me he no longer wanted kids. I was heartbroken. The life we had talked about for years suddenly dissolved. Soon after, he invited his mother, sister, brother-in-law and their daughter to move in with us. I tried to be understanding, but I began feeling like a guest in my own home -- like he loved me, but prioritized them. Eventually, he told me he was moving out. He bought a condo and moved with his entire family, and I was left alone -- emotionally and physically.

I have tried to convince myself that this was never really about the kids, but I can't shake the guilt. Part of me keeps thinking if I had said no to children, would he have stayed? Even now, years later, I still care for him and cannot seem to let go. I don't know how to move forward when someone who was once my everything still occupies so much of my heart, even if he's no longer in my life. How do I let go of someone who let go of me so easily? -- DREAM DESTROYED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR 'DREAM': You feel guilty for having wanted children, after your husband led you on for years pretending that he did? You were grossly misled and then deserted. If that reality hasn't been enough to help you "let go," then what you need is professional help from someone who is licensed to give it. You are clinging to the fantasy of this person, not the reality.

DEAR ABBY: My retired husband of 15 years, "Seth," is pushing me to the edge of divorce. He's extremely negative, verbally abusive and estranged from many friends, which has harmed my relationships with friends and family. He drinks almost all day (I drink as well), calls me horrible names I won't repeat and refuses to respect my sleep needs (I'm still working). He thinks he's being "funny" when he acts this way. Seth doesn't hear well, so he talks softly, and this also leads to unnecessary arguments.

I love Seth, but I feel like he is destroying my spirit and who I am. I used to be an independent, capable person. Now I feel like I am always walking on eggshells. I dread coming home from work some days. I just want to run away. Your thoughts? -- END OF MY ROPE IN IDAHO

DEAR 'END': Go online to Al-Anon (al-anon.org/info), find a location near you and attend some of the meetings. Then, if you are really at the end of your rope, draw the line with your disrespectful, alcoholic verbal abuser. Tell him loudly, when he's a little more sober than usual, that you have had it and that if he doesn't stop drinking, his marriage is over. Then save yourself and follow through.