DEAR ABBY: My 58-year-old husband recently shared a bed in our camper with a 21-year-old family friend. The friend is female. This happened in my absence. He thinks of her as a "daughter," and although I'm not concerned about anything inappropriate happening between them, I still feel it was inappropriate. I expressed my feelings to him and said I didn't want it to happen again, but it did. He still thinks it's perfectly fine, but I do not. What are your thoughts? -- INAPPROPRIATE IN THE EAST

DEAR INAPPROPRIATE: My thought is that it's unusual and inappropriate for a 21-year-old woman to share a bed with your husband (more than once!) in light of the fact that you objected. I can't help but wonder why no other sleeping arrangement was possible, and what her parents (who, I assume, are friends) think about the arrangement. Perhaps it's time you had a chat with the young woman about this. You may find it enlightening.

DEAR ABBY: A family member -- a woman in her 60s -- almost certainly has narcissistic personality disorder. She has caused problems in the family, so much so that some have quit their jobs, sold their homes and moved out of town to get away from her dysfunction. This woman blames others, never apologizes for anything and doesn't seem to think she has a problem.

Having burned all her bridges, she is now moving out of state. However, she still has ties to the family business. We want her to get the treatment she needs, and we want peace and order restored in our family. How do families in a similar situation accomplish this? -- SURVIVING IN KENTUCKY

DEAR SURVIVING: I can tell you how some people in your situation manage. Recognizing that they cannot change the behavior of the disruptive family member, they seek family therapy to learn how to handle their contacts with her. I hope it helps for you.

DEAR ABBY: I would love your thoughts on the protocol, if any, for mentioning the name of a decedent's very good friend/companion in an obituary. I have seen, on occasion, an obituary that lists all the family members (wife, children, grandchildren, caregiver, etc.) and then includes the name of a dear friend/companion, who, in this instance, had been dating the decedent for four years, during which the two of them developed a very close relationship. -- WONDERING IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WONDERING: I don't think it is obligatory to mention all of the deceased's relationships when an obituary is written. Often the family is grieving and distracted by the multitude of arrangements that must be made. If you are referring to yourself, and you had a warm relationship with the family, I am sure your name was not omitted to deliberately ignore the caring relationship you shared with the deceased, and sometimes people want to have a say about what's included in their obituary. If your companion put in writing that your name should be included, then the family was wrong not to follow through.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I stopped having sexual relations eight years ago. She keeps our two grandchildren 11 to 12 hours a day, five (and sometimes six) days a week. (That's 60 to 70 hours.) By the time they're picked up, she's irritated, agitated, frustrated and wants to be left alone. She doesn't want to talk or spend any time with me. She can't see that keeping the grandkids that much has interfered with our relationship with each other.

We are about to separate because I don't want to live my last few years with someone I can't hold or kiss and who doesn't want to hold or kiss me because she's so irritated and frustrated by the time the kids leave. She doesn't want to be bothered. She just sits in her recliner and goes to sleep.

There's plenty of love, loyalty and trust between us, but after eight years of no intimacy, I think I have waited long enough. I have tried talking to her about it many times. She says she has lost her desire, but she can't see the reason is because she's having that same bad day, every day. Any advice before I finalize this? -- HAD IT IN ALABAMA

DEAR HAD IT: I am glad you wrote. There may be more than one reason your wife's energy and sex drive have disappeared. You state that there is plenty of love, loyalty and trust between you. Please suggest to her that she consult her doctor and ask to have her hormone levels checked.

I can't help wondering how old your grandchildren are and why she is expected to take care of them for 11 to 12 hours a day. It may simply be too much for her. However, a thyroid issue or a decrease in estrogen may also be contributing to her exhaustion. If that's the case, there are medical solutions available if your wife is willing to explore them.

Your marriage is worth fighting for, and I hope your wife will see the wisdom before she or your relationship collapses under the weight of the responsibility she has taken on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 74-year-old woman who has no surviving immediate family. I have two cousins who are still living. One of them is my age and, to this day, may not know he was adopted as a baby. I discovered it when I was very young and snooped through my mother's nightstand drawer. I mentioned it to my aunt (his adoptive mother) 30 years ago, and she made me promise not to ever tell him. Is it best to let him live his entire life not knowing, or should I somehow bring it up to him? -- COUSIN WHO WANTS THE BEST FOR HIM

DEAR COUSIN: I will assume that both of your cousin's parents are deceased. How do you think he will feel when you announce that his entire life has been a lie? Do you think he will be warmly greeted and accepted by siblings who never knew he existed? I know you are eager to tell him the truth, but "the truth" is that his parents are the people who raised him. At this late date, I think it would be better to keep the promise you gave to your aunt rather than disrupt your cousin's life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are retired and happy. Each of us was married before. We're not rich, but we get by without help from anyone. We have been blessed with a big family. Between us, we have six children, 15 grandchildren and a great grandchild. This does not include the in-laws, because quite a few of these offspring are now married.

I am bothered by the sense of entitlement that seems to run rampant in this group. We never receive a "thank you" for anything we do for some of them, whether it's a birthday, graduation, shower gift, wedding, or an acknowledgement for a funeral. Most of them are old enough to have better manners than that, but it doesn't seem to matter.

I have bitten my tongue on more than one occasion. When we tried to stop sending gifts, we were called out on it by the two worst offenders. We don't want to give because "we have to." We want to give because we want to. And while we may want to give, we don't want to feel underappreciated either. Any advice? -- UNAPPRECIATED IN INDIANA

DEAR UNAPPRECIATED: Just this. Feel free to unburden yourselves to the worst offenders. Tell them in plain English that when a gift goes unacknowledged, it makes the giver feel the gesture is unappreciated, and you don't like feeling that way. Make it clear that if they cannot summon up the energy to practice basic good manners, you will find another way to spend your money. I cannot make your relatives change, but if you do this, you may be able to wake them up.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 20-plus years received a Facebook message from an old high school girlfriend. The message was wildly inappropriate (extremely risque) and ended with her offering to fly out and "meet up" if he ever wanted to. When my husband saw the message, he read it to me and to his best friend, who happened to be in town visiting. Those two guys were laughing so hard they were crying. They thought it was the funniest thing ever, while I was thinking she has a lot of nerve.

My husband wrote back and declined her proposition. But later that night, I was doing some internet sleuthing. (Who wouldn't?) Abby, she is a marriage counselor! Her message went from being a former flame's cliche message to repulsive on so many levels. She of all people should know better. I'm itching to give her a piece of my mind. What do you think? -- PERPLEXED IN PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR PERPLEXED: IF you really feel inclined to contact your husband's old girlfriend, choose your words carefully. Tell her that when your husband received her message, he read it to you and his best friend, who happened to be in town visiting, and although the two of them were howling with laughter, you didn't find it funny. Then close by saying you are disappointed that someone who is in a helping profession would stoop that low. (Mic drop.)